My Dad written by my brother (edited by me lol)
"....And that’s where I shook the hand of Mike Tyson, who is now a close mate of mine."
"SHUT UP Dad" I’d reply, Dad often told porkies while sitting round the bar side.
I remember this one time where he quite openly stated that he was a member of the magic circle, which I found funny in itself as I don't think he's ever learnt a magic trick in his life....well apart from making a cheque bounce, which was impressive, but after the first 50 or 60 times it got old, Dad did improve this trick by expanding not only to make his own cheque bounce but also to make my own plus both my brothers and sisters too, all at the same time... now that’s impressive.
Here's the plot, from as far back as I can remember I’ve grew up around pubs, and through each pub the tales of my father have long surpassed themselves. Through this book (the son is reading a book to the viewers) you will learn about my dad and the stories that many locals have heard. You may well think why does this appeal to me? Well the short answer to that is that wherever you go and wherever you may be there's always a Geoff near by. To you he'll be the mumbling drunk in the corner of the pub or the one friend that everyone has that no matter what you've done they've done one better, but to me he's my dad. For example if you were to mention that you crashed your car and the bumper fell off, dad would most likely reply with "well I once had a crash and had to drive for 25 miles without a back wheel," he's always got to do one better so now I’m thinking of nearly jumping off a cliff. After writing this I’m sure that in the near distant future he'll be hot on my tale with his movie.
To explain Geoff you only have to look at Geoff, he's about 5ft 10" and a cross between Basil Fawlty and the road runner, with the explanation being, he's always getting in to mischief but the second answers are needed he's off 'BEEP BEEP.' The pitch of Geoff varies; it varies to who is on the other end of the phone. If a young lady was phoning for a bar vacancy, dad would often answer in the normal fashion and proceed in telling this fair maiden that he is the pub landlord, that he is the mighty Geoff ruler of all who step into his domain and how he is the centre of all that is good in the world. Where-as if an old dear named Eileen was to phone, he'd change his tone to a much higher pitch and in a little girls voice and persist in saying, "sorry Geoff’s not about at the moment please call back in a few hours." Now to be honest when nan’s phoning off a pay phone to ask dad for help with her burning house, I think its fair to say that dad was a bit off hand.