"I used to be the UK yoyo champion". *gets ready for 'Rock the Cradle trick' with umbilical cord*
A bit visual, but hey.
Mock the Week - Scenes we'd like to see Page 4
So do you want the afterbirth fried or grilled?
You have a perfectly well and healthy baby. But you on the other hand...
I'm new to this job, this is only the second delivery I've done- but don't worry I'll get it right this time.
I'm your midwife, my name's Michael Jackson.
"Congratulations, it's a baby boy. A beautiful, succulent, juicy baby boy."
New topic? Worst things to hear from a new boss?
"When you come in each morning pop your coat on the rack over there...next to my painting of a pack of dingos devouring a small child..."
I assume you were told about naked Mondays?
No?
Well I suppose they didn't tell you about naked Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays then either?
Now when we discussed your celery - no - we definitely said celery.
There will be no sexual discrimination in this office, I'll make sure of that. But only if you ladies do my ironing in the lunch hour.
This will be your desk, there's your computer, your stationery...and a complimentary photo of my erect penis.
I like to talk about 'Star Trek'
"I hope you have a good time working here as a nanny. It's pretty simple really, sit back and keep an eye on things and if I need changing I'll let you know"
Quote: Sunflick @ July 22 2008, 8:32 PM BSTbeauty secrets by jade goody
I can't believe that you have the temerity to mock someone who has cancer. 
Almost a month before she found out she had cancer...
Quote: NickTheDon @ July 28 2008, 6:04 PM BSTNew topic? Worst things to hear from a new boss?
Thursdays is your turn in the barrel. (As the punchline to the old joke goes).