Vending Machine Sketch Page 2
I'm grateful for the advice, Seefacts. It makes sense too.
I've read, and been told, numerous times that comedy dialogue needs to sound natural and be concise.
"I've had enough of this" gets the job done, so the 'really' is unnecessary. It's sloppyness on my part, but I'm glad it's been pointed out. I can now look back over other sketches and improve them. It's constructive criticism.
Also, I'm touched that people want to defend my sketch! But it's not necessary! It's impossible to write something that everyone likes. Even with dialogue changes, Seefacts won't like the sketch because he simply doesn't find it funny. And that's fair enough!
Quote: Winterlight @ March 10, 2008, 5:53 PMI'm grateful for the advice, Seefacts. It makes sense too.
I've read, and been told, numerous times that comedy dialogue needs to sound natural and be concise.
"I've had enough of this" gets the job done, so the 'really' is unnecessary. It's sloppyness on my part, but I'm glad it's been pointed out. I can now look back over other sketches and improve them. It's constructive criticism.
Also, I'm touched that people want to defend my sketch! But it's not necessary! It's impossible to write something that everyone likes. Even with dialogue changes, Seefacts won't like the sketch because he simply doesn't find it funny. And that's fair enough!
Glad to help. The very fact you KNOW what makes good neat dialogue is obviously important and will mean that your writing looks and feels more professional.
I mean I've only been writing 6 months, so I'm always happy to hear of ways to improve my writing.
ENDS
Also good to see a writer accept constructive criticism and not see it as a slur!
Well done Ben.
My comment was tongue-in-cheek and not aimed at anyone specifically.
So pardon me if I feel a little picked on.
Fair criticism is always good, but sketch isn't sitcom, or character comedy. A sketch often needs to be a very efficient, way of translating a joke in 30 second-2 minutes and naturalistic dialogue, will dilute, or slow that down. Some times naturalistic dialogue helps if you're trying to show a strong sudden character change (e.g. wheres the baby Vicki?), but Parrot Shop, Ted and Ralf, are all calculatedly stagy in their use of language.
If I was going to offer a criticism it could be a lot shorter. It's a joke that's sufficiently strong it only needs half it's length. Also the less the guy says, and the more easily he is persuaded to strip the funnier.
I'll be honest. I liked it. Very nice.