First Meeting

INTERIOR-BUSY RESTAURANT-NIGHT

OPEN ON:

Mother and daughter, seated at table. Enter Waiter.

WAITER

Are you ready to order ladies?

DAUGHTER

Oh no, can we have a few minutes? We’re still waiting for my boyfriend.

(Waiter nods and exits)

DAUGHTER

He won’t be long…ah, here he is now!

(Steven enters from across restaurant)

STEVEN

(Kissing greeting to Daughter) So sorry I’m late; traffics murder.

DAUGHTER

Mother this is Steven…Steven meet Mother!

STEVEN

Lovely to meet you at long last!

(PAUSE)

Hope you don’t think this is too much? But I bought you a small gift; you know… sort of mark the occasion-

(Steven hands over a gift-wrapped box to Mother)

-hope it’s the right size…it’s so hard to tell. The man in the shop said it’s the most popular model.

(All the while, Mother has been unwrapping and opening the box. She looks inside… her face fills with horror …she reaches into box and slowly pulls out a large dildo)

STEVEN

Wasn’t sure about the size so I tried it myself-

(Horrified looks from both women)

Oh don’t worry, I washed it thoroughly afterwards.

Haha, brilliant. Sick, but brilliant. I was expecting something inappropriate, but not quite THAT inappropriate!

A bit predictable and, as a result, not particularly funny.

Must admit I was expecting it to be a dildo too. Maybe it would be funnier if the daughter was horrified but the mum said something like 'do you know, my old one stopped working just yesterday. And it's even the right colour.' Not sure your man needs to try it first. Just a thought. That way you're playing on the predictability but flipping the response round to something less so. But what do I know.

predictable and pretty unimaginative

would have been funnier if she looked in horror and she took a fried egg out of a handbag

Would it?

Steve by any other name makes a good suggestion re: turning it on its head.

Also could you cut in faster? perhaps scrub everything prior to the moment Steven kisses her and says "sorry i'm late..."

The waiter's appearance and the dialogue up to that point add nothing that can't be surmised from the setting and it provides no joke or witty dialogue. When it comes to sketches I think less is more. Trim everything that is fluff or irrelevant.

Re: the fried egg comment of Ollie. I'd much prefer they all turn and see a cat sat on a chair beside Steve. It's promptly told to eff off.

Quote: SlagA @ December 7, 2006, 2:44 PM

Re: the fried egg comment of Ollie. I'd much prefer they all turn and see a cat sat on a chair beside Steve. It's promptly told to eff off.

View original

hahahahahaha

Or maybe the mother could say "Orr Thank you Steve, you little gem. I'll try it straight away" Theres some fumbling under the table and they all proceed to have dinner. With the occasional yelp coming from the mother. "could you be a dear and pass the saaaaaallllt!"

SlagA is right. Everything to 'Mother, this is Steven - ' can go. Once the girl says that we've got the picture. I was wondering if the girl should have been in on it.
GIRL: Did you get something for mother?
STEVE: Yes.
HANDS IT OVER. UNWRAPPING GOES ON.
REVEAL
BOTH GIRL AND MOTHER ARE HORRIFIED
STEVEN: But you said she liked what you like.

"Maybe it would be funnier if the daughter was horrified but the mum said something like 'do you know, my old one stopped working just yesterday. And it's even the right colour."

Steve is right, this would be better

Quote: Charlie Adams @ December 7, 2006, 3:26 PM

GIRL: Did you get something for mother?
STEVE: Yes.
HANDS IT OVER. UNWRAPPING GOES ON.
REVEAL
BOTH GIRL AND MOTHER ARE HORRIFIED
STEVEN: But you said she liked what you like.

View original

I like Charlie's too. The thought that it could be a genuine misunderstanding and poor old Steve's crest fallen.

ginger jesus has the answer...I like that...extend the piece. So the viewer is shocked the gift is acccepted as normal and promptly used!

What I found interesting were all the different takes on the same theme. All had the groanability factor and all, in their own way, were funny. But of course if you want to get this sketch commissioned by Channel 4 then I suggest, like Dyingtolive and Slag A, a cat is written in sitting next to the mother. She looks at the vibrator and after a pause she tells the cat to f**k off. The alternative is to give it the French and Saunders treatment, with hilarious consequences.