British Comedy Guide

Both Spice Girls Concerned 22 - 31.7.21

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 22nd July 2021, 9:16am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

F**king Hell! C**tgtasulazioningd to Lazzard for shingling. Your prize is to have won so PM me with a new slut please. Meanwhilst...
Playf**k, Gappy - 2
Lazzard - 1

Next natterjerk: Books (chosen by Larry Barker)
Leg closed: 31.7.21
Runners are nowt...

Position Score Name
1 5 Lazzard, Playfull, Gappy
2 2 Otterfox
3 1 Teddy

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Lazzard

  • Thursday 22nd July 2021, 11:05am
  • Ludlow, England
  • 5,454 posts

Did I shingle?
Not sure I did.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 22nd July 2021, 11:48am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

You got a vote, which is three more than me.

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gappy

  • Thursday 22nd July 2021, 3:19pm [Edited]
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,232 posts
Quote: Lazzard @ 22nd July 2021, 11:05 AM

Did I shingle?
Not sure I did.

Although it may look to the untrained eye that you didn't get the most votes, Michael-maths is on a higher plane, so best not to argue with him.

Maybe Otterfox voted for you 7 times in a parallel cosmos.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 22nd July 2021, 3:34pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

Am I f**king up again?
I c**ted 2 apiss (Gappy, Playfulllllllllllll) and one Lazzard.

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gappy

  • Thursday 22nd July 2021, 4:05pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,232 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 22nd July 2021, 3:34 PM

Am I f**king up again?
I c**ted 2 apiss (Gappy, Playfulllllllllllll) and one Lazzard.

Your data collection is strong, but your inference is hard to defend (unless "shingling" means something different than I thought)

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gappy

  • Saturday 24th July 2021, 1:42pm [Edited]
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,232 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 22nd July 2021, 5:55 PM

Three things I can do.
1. Spel
2. Count

Me too...you silly count.

Anyway, here's me actual entry (although admittedly with as high a joke rate as the previous sentence).

ANNOUNCER: And now we return you to Roget's Adventures Of Tintin!

TINTIN: Come on, Snowy! Wintry! Frosty! [FADING IN VOLUME AND EXCITEMENT] Chilly. Arctic. Hyperborean. Brass monkeys. Resembling cocaine.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 24th July 2021, 2:52pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

BERKMAN

TV STUDIO.
MELVIN BOAST and INGMAR BERGMAN.

MELVIN Good evening ladies and gentlemen and you, and welcome to The Show For South Bankers. I'm Melvin Boastt and it's my honour to introduce the most respected film-maker amongst film-making film-makers making films they make: writer, man of theatre and film-making filmmaker making films, Mr Ingmar Bergman.

INGMAR Good evening.

MELVIN You've just completed 'The Silence', the culmination in your 'Silence of God' trilogy...

INGMAR For surely, yes. 'Through A Glass Darkly' portrayed faith affirmed, 'Winter Light' faith questioned, 'The Silence' faith expunged. Whereas artists from Dante through Shakespeare to T S Eliot find salvation in exploring our condition, my vision antithetically reverses said trope, driving one ever more inexorably into Sartre's huit clos.

MELVIN Fascinating... Particular praise has been awarded to the leading actresses...

INGMAR Superficial interpretations insist 'Ester' or ethereal is pure essence or soul, whilst Anna prefigures material, post-capitalistic consumption, yet I urge rather a pre-Buddhist reading, whereby the twin elements create holistic harmony rather than dichotomical despair.

MELVIN Awesome... Yet Jean BĂ©ranger criticises the pacing...

INGMAR Better than anything he can f**king do.

PAUSE.

MELVIN Pardon?

INGMAR You heard mate. He can f**k off. F**king froggie.

MELVIN I think there's a language problem...

INGMAR No there ain't. F**k me, am I f**ked off with these Nancy poncey f**kers ripping the shit outa me. I'm Ingmar Bergman, right - Ingmar f**king Bergman, not Ken f**king Dodd - I got awards coming outa my arse: I got an Oscar for 'The Virgin Spring', an Academy award for 'The seventh Seal', f**king shitloads for 'Wild Strawberries'. What's he won?

MELVIN Well, I...

INGMAR Come on mate, what's Jean Deranged won?

MELVIN Nothing. He's a critic.

INGMAR Okey dokey. So you leave the existentialist, philosophising seventh art to me, I'll leave the being a French f**ker to him.

MELVIN Ingmar, on the BBC certain terms are frowned upon.

INGMAR (sighs) All right. But watch it.

MELVIN You're following the trilogy with a comedy 'About All These Women', just as the 1956 to 1959 breakthrough tricolon preceded the relatively lightweight 'Devil's Eye...'

INGMAR What did you say?

MELVIN I said you're following...

INGMAR No, after that.

MELVIN The relatively lightweight...

INGMAR F**k off! I told you, this is Ingmar f**king Bergman, ain't nothing lightweight about 'The Devil's Eye'! F**king awesome flick. It's where I investigate the same philosophical themes as the trilogy - the absence of a Christian godhead, the inability to communicate, the impossibility of altruistic love - but in a humorous style, which is paradoxically challenging, counteractive and well hard. 'Sa f**king fab film.

MELVIN Yes... You're also known for combining professional with personal, even intimate relationships with your actresses...

INGMAR Yeah, I f**ked them. Well fit.

MELVIN Liv Ullmann...

INGMAR F**ked 'er.

MELVIN Andersson, Bibi...

INGMAR Phwoar! 'Ands-are-on booby, more like...

MELVIN Harriet Andersson...

INGMAR She was so fit! Talk about a long shot! There was once, right, after the rushes...

MELVIN Shut the f**k up.

INGMAR I didn't come here for that kind of language. (leaves)