Ricky Gervais's monologue: Golden Globes 2020.

Avatar

Rood Eye

  • Monday 6th January 2020, 5:54pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,394 posts

Hello and welcome to the 77th annual Golden Globe Awards, live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel here in Los Angeles. I'm Ricky Gervais, thank you.

You'll be pleased to know this is the last time I'm hosting these awards, so I don't care anymore. I'm joking. I never did. I'm joking, I never did. NBC clearly don't care either -- fifth time. I mean, Kevin Hart was fired from the Oscars for some offensive tweets -- hello?

Lucky for me, the Hollywood Foreign Press can barely speak English and they've no idea what Twitter is, so I got offered this gig by fax. Let's go out with a bang, let's have a laugh at your expense. Remember, they're just jokes. We're all gonna die soon and there's no sequel, so remember that.

But you all look lovely all dolled up. You came here in your limos. I came here in a limo tonight and the license plate was made by Felicity Huffman. No, shush. It's her daughter I feel sorry for. OK? That must be the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to her. And her dad was in Wild Hogs.

Lots of big celebrities here tonight. Legends. Icons. This table alone -- Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro ... Baby Yoda. Oh, that's Joe Pesci, sorry. I love you man. Don't have me whacked. But tonight isn't just about the people in front of the camera. In this room are some of the most important TV and film executives in the world. People from every background. They all have one thing in common: They're all terrified of Ronan Farrow. He's coming for ya. Talking of all you perverts, it was a big year for paedophile movies. Surviving R. Kelly, Leaving Neverland, Two Popes. Shut up. Shut up. I don't care. I don't care.

Many talented people of colour were snubbed in major categories. Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do about that. Hollywood Foreign press are all very racist. Fifth time. So. We were going to do an In-Memoriam this year, but when I saw the list of people who died, it wasn't diverse enough. No, it was mostly white people and I thought, nah, not on my watch. Maybe next year. Let's see what happens.

No one cares about movies anymore. No one goes to the cinema, no one really watches network TV. Everyone is watching Netflix. This show should just be me coming out, going, "Well done Netflix. You win everything. Good night." But no, we got to drag it out for three hours. You could binge-watch the entire first season of Afterlife instead of watching this show. That's a show about a man who wants to kill himself cause his wife dies of cancer and it's still more fun than this. Spoiler alert, season two is on the way so in the end he obviously didn't kill himself. Just like Jeffrey Epstein. Shut up. I know he's your friend but I don't care.

Seriously, most films are awful. Lazy. Remakes, sequels. I've heard a rumour there might be a sequel to Sophie's Choice. I mean, that would just be Meryl just going, "Well, it's gotta be this one then." All the best actors have jumped to Netflix, HBO. And the actors who just do Hollywood movies now do fantasy-adventure nonsense. They wear masks and capes and really tight costumes. Their job isn't acting anymore. It's going to the gym twice a day and taking steroids, really. Have we got an award for most ripped junky? No point, we'd know who'd win that.

Martin Scorsese made the news for his controversial comments about the Marvel franchise. He said they're not real cinema and they remind him about theme parks. I agree. Although I don't know what he's doing hanging around theme parks. He's not big enough to go on the rides. He's tiny. The Irishman was amazing. It was amazing. It was great. Long, but amazing. It wasn't the only epic movie. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, nearly three hours long. Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere and by the end, his date was too old for him. Even Prince Andrew was like, "Come on, Leo, mate. You're nearly 50, son."

The world got to see James Corden as a fat pussy. He was also in the movie Cats. No one saw that movie. And the reviews, shocking. I saw one that said, "This is the worst thing to happen to cats since dogs." But Dame Judi Dench defended the film saying it was the film she was born to play because she loves nothing better than plunking herself down on the carpet, lifting her leg and licking her own minge. (Coughs) Hairball. She's old-school.

It's the last time, who cares? Apple roared into the TV game with The Morning Show, a superb drama about the importance of dignity and doing the right thing, made by a company that runs sweatshops in China. Well, you say you're woke but the companies you work for in China -- unbelievable. Apple, Amazon, Disney. If ISIS started a streaming service you'd call your agent, wouldn't you?

So if you do win an award tonight, don't use it as a platform to make a political speech. You're in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg.

So if you win, come up, accept your little award, thank your agent, and your God and f**k off, OK? It's already three hours long. Right, let's do the first award.

AvatarBCG Supporter

john tregorran

  • Monday 6th January 2020, 8:27pm
  • mornington,victoria, Australia
  • 651 posts

He says the same thing every year,doesn't he?Just changes the names.

Avatar

Rood Eye

  • Monday 6th January 2020, 8:55pm
  • England
  • 3,394 posts
Quote: john tregorran @ 6th January 2020, 8:27 PM

He says the same thing every year,doesn't he? Just changes the names.

It's the same with the bloke who reads out the list of people who've died in the previous 12 months. Angy

Avatar

chipolata

  • Monday 6th January 2020, 9:40pm
  • England
  • 29,906 posts

It was amusing but as John said it was the same old same old.

AvatarBCG Supporter

john tregorran

  • Monday 6th January 2020, 9:44pm
  • mornington,victoria, Australia
  • 651 posts

Gervais makes a big thing about how up themselves the showbiz types are but he's there on a show giving them awards.
He seems to be unaware of his lack of self-awareness.

Avatar

Definitely Tarby

  • Monday 6th January 2020, 10:49pm
  • England
  • 1,919 posts

Pretty tame really and I don't get why Gervais is so popular in America.

AvatarBCG Supporter

DaButt

  • Tuesday 7th January 2020, 12:48am
  • The Lone Star State, United States
  • 13,674 posts

He's a douche who says douchey things, but occasionally he says them to the right douches.

AvatarBCG Supporter

john tregorran

  • Tuesday 7th January 2020, 1:33am
  • mornington,victoria, Australia
  • 651 posts

When you roast someone in America you do it out of affection,don't you?
They wouldn't keep asking him back if he really upset anyone.

AvatarBCG Supporter

DaButt

  • Tuesday 7th January 2020, 2:21am [Edited]
  • The Lone Star State, United States
  • 13,674 posts

He claimed it was his last appearance as host. I'm sure everyone laughed along as they ate their planet-saving vegan meals, then everyone got in their gas-guzzling stretch limos that whisked them away to their waiting private jets.

EDIT: I didn't watch it, but this review seems to indicate that his jabs weren't well-received:

Meryl Streep shook her head. Eddie Murphy refused to smile. Quentin Tarantino looked more disturbed than usual.

https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/tv/story/2020-01-05/golden-globes-ricky-gervais-host-political-speeches

Avatar

beaky

  • Tuesday 7th January 2020, 11:07am
  • Malaga and Brighton, United Kingdom
  • 2,677 posts

It does seem a strange annual ritual of self-castigation. Better to have some smarmy Hollywood insider telling them all how marvellous they are, so we can take the piss properly.

Avatar

Rood Eye

  • Wednesday 8th January 2020, 1:07pm
  • England
  • 3,394 posts

Ricky's monologue went down extremely well in some quarters while not going down quite so well in others.

In response to critics, he says:

"1. Simply pointing out whether someone is left or right-wing isn't winning the argument.

2. If a joke is good enough, it can be enjoyed by anyone.

3. It's not all about you.

4. Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right."

Avatar

Paul Wimsett

  • Wednesday 8th January 2020, 3:39pm
  • Folkestone, United Kingdom
  • 3,285 posts

Why not cancel the prize giving and just have Ricky Gervais insult people?

Avatar

Alfred J Kipper

  • Thursday 9th January 2020, 4:12am
  • Aldershot, England
  • 6,017 posts
Quote: beaky @ 7th January 2020, 11:07 AM

It does seem a strange annual ritual of self-castigation. .

It is quite like the old Naughty Kings doing penance thing, yes. A brief humiliation allowing them absolution to continue with their wicked ways.

Avatar

Alfred J Kipper

  • Thursday 9th January 2020, 4:32am
  • Aldershot, England
  • 6,017 posts
Quote: Rood Eye @ 6th January 2020, 5:54 PM

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, nearly three hours long. Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere and by the end, his date was too old for him. Even Prince Andrew was like, "Come on, Leo, mate. You're nearly 50-something."

Slight correction but I thought he said "You're nearly 50, son."

I thought it was the most tired looking of his stints there, and he's nowhere near as smiley and happy looking as he once was, which is a shame. It is repetitive now but having said that he shook it up like few before and the first couple were masterpieces of comedy roasting. Few in Hollywood were used to that level of searing critiquing as they were infamously insular and self congratulating. Now it's all got a bit edgier for them thanks to Gervais. He still can't do much wrong imo.