Newsjack Series 20 - February 2019 Page 19

Newsjack. Copyright: BBC.

Newsjack

Topical satirical sketch show on Radio 4 Extra. The programme has an 'open door' policy allowing anyone to submit material

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Kenny Bania

  • Tuesday 5th March 2019, 10:11pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 197 posts

Managed 8 out of 9. Thought of a better punchline to one as I was driving home this evening
Good luck all

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Rood Eye

  • Wednesday 6th March 2019, 3:15pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,095 posts
Quote: DeathbyMonkey @ 3rd March 2019, 7:19 PM


1. It's been a bad week for pious vicars after the Church of England ruled Sunday services are no longer compulsory. But it's been a good week for God who finally gets a Sunday morning lie in.

I don't wish to be a pain in the arse but that joke doesn't work, does it?

The fact that priests are no longer obliged to hold Sunday services at every church they oversee doesn't mean that priests will not be holding Sunday services any more. A great many priests hold services on Sunday simply because it pleases them to do so. Indeed, every priest will from now on be obliged to hold a morning and evening service every Sunday in at least one of the churches he oversees.

Assuming (as you do, for the purposes of the joke) that God has an obligation to turn up at Sunday services, he'll still have to honour that obligation even if every priest decides to hold only the two compulsory services every Sunday.

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Danno

  • Wednesday 6th March 2019, 3:50pm
  • Azerbaijan
  • 289 posts

I heard god was desperate for a Sunday off to get another coat of Hammerite on the Pearly Gates

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DeathbyMonkey

  • Wednesday 6th March 2019, 3:54pm
  • England
  • 693 posts
Quote: Rood Eye @ 6th March 2019, 3:15 PM

I don't wish to be a pain in the arse but that joke doesn't work, does it?

The fact that priests are no longer obliged to hold Sunday services at every church they oversee doesn't mean that priests will not be holding Sunday services any more. A great many priests hold services on Sunday simply because it pleases them to do so. Indeed, every priest will from now on be obliged to hold a morning and evening service every Sunday in at least one of the churches he oversees.

Assuming (as you do, for the purposes of the joke) that God has an obligation to turn up at Sunday services, he'll still have to honour that obligation even if every priest decides to hold only the two compulsory services every Sunday.

Except they used that very punchline in the show but as a Breaking News joke (the last one on the show), which simply didn't include the pious priests setup (which I only used to create GW/BW format)

As I said I don't feel like I'm having much luck this series especially when I write almost excalty the same joke to one they used.

Although that said, if you want to get technical about it maybe the set-up should have been pious church goers rather than priests - but that's all incidental now

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Danno

  • Wednesday 6th March 2019, 4:35pm [Edited]
  • Azerbaijan
  • 289 posts

Thought this was a particularly funny oneliner from last week's show...

'BBC Scotland launched this week and viewers are excited about a new property show where Scottish home owners look to relocate abroad. 'A Place in the Shade' comes to screens this March.'

props to the author!

Scotland

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Thosisd

  • Wednesday 6th March 2019, 5:55pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 274 posts

I think writers are entitled to twist the story for a gag. It's good storytelling. You have to manipulate the truth to get people to the punchline. You choose what information you reveal and when for the biggest impact. Although the joke may not be factually accurate, it's a well structured joke.

Sometimes it's best to accept that the chicken just wants to get to the other side of the road.

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B T F

  • Wednesday 6th March 2019, 10:35pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 156 posts

I take your point, Rood Eye, that a joke has to make enough sense to 'work'. I think this joke and the one on the show 'worked' enough to be amusing. A number of people listening probably won't know the detail that priests still have to do Sunday services still, which aids the joke. I knew priests still had to do Sunday services but only because I did a sketch on it - but I still enjoyed both jokes, despite this. Willing suspension of disbelief. I enjoyed the idea of God being real (I am not a believer) and of God having a lie in.

Death By Monkey I guess that when you have had previous success on the show, as you have, it is frustrating to be writing similar quality material but with less success. I read your sketches with interest so thanks for sharing them.

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Danno

  • Thursday 7th March 2019, 9:37am [Edited]
  • Azerbaijan
  • 289 posts

...for happy ending's sake, let's hope it was a first time credit for someone, which after all is Newsjack's raison d'ĂȘtre.

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Rood Eye

  • Thursday 7th March 2019, 12:32pm
  • England
  • 3,095 posts

Like almost everybody else on BCG, I'm familiar with the term "one-liner".

However, I'm not sure what the strict definition of a one-liner is with regard to NewsJack submissions.

I'm pretty sure it has to be a joke that can be read aloud with a single intake of breath, but . . .

Does it have to be a single sentence?

Does it have to fit on one line of the submissions form?

Clearly, I'd hate to submit an absolute gem of a joke only to have it rejected on a technicality.

Advice would be very much appreciated.

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TheTrashBat

  • Thursday 7th March 2019, 12:58pm
  • Dorset, United Kingdom
  • 56 posts
Quote: Rood Eye @ 7th March 2019, 12:32 PM

Like almost everybody else on BCG, I'm familiar with the term "one-liner".

However, I'm not sure what the strict definition of a one-liner is with regard to NewsJack submissions.

I'm pretty sure it has to be a joke that can be read aloud with a single intake of breath, but . . .

Does it have to be a single sentence?

Does it have to fit on one line of the submissions form?

Clearly, I'd hate to submit an absolute gem of a joke only to have it rejected on a technicality.

Advice would be very much appreciated.

I read this from Ed Morrish a while back:

"NewsJack One-Liners should take one line

One liners are quick, and about rhythm as much as anything else. Take a sentence to lay out the story; at most, one more to lay out a particular detail which is needed for the joke; and then do the punchline. Nothing longer than that is likely to get through."

So, I guess it's a pretty long line.

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Danno

  • Thursday 7th March 2019, 12:58pm [Edited]
  • Azerbaijan
  • 289 posts

@ Rood Eye I wouldn't worry about the whole one-liner thing, it's a bit of a misnomer.
Hardly any of the jokes are proper textbook one-liners and that's because they are 'breaking news', so have to be written in such a style i.e...the story followed by the punchline (as highlighted by TrashBat). The GWBW and Newsjackpedia are obviously slightly different and provide a platform for a different type of humour and therefore open things up a bit for different types of thinking.
If they really really really love your joke, the invention is all there but it's a bit wonky, they'll tweak it. I think that's fair to say.
Also, it's highly likely that the joke you think is your bestest bestest bestest ever...won't be the one they pick.
Fair comment (I'll put this to the house)?Geek

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Rood Eye

  • Thursday 7th March 2019, 1:15pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,095 posts

Okay, chaps - that's made things a lot clearer. Thank you.

My next question is about "adult" material.

Clearly, I'm not intending to go in there like Roy Chubby Brown but can a really good joke or sketch contain a swearword or sexual reference?

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Danno

  • Thursday 7th March 2019, 1:31pm [Edited]
  • Azerbaijan
  • 289 posts

anything gratuitous would be a 'no no'. best learn the art of subterfuge and keep it 'horrible histories'. better than that, just listen to the show and get a feel for it. there's loads of stuff about how to write for Newsjack on google....other search engines are also available.

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TheTrashBat

  • Thursday 7th March 2019, 1:44pm
  • Dorset, United Kingdom
  • 56 posts

I've got high hopes my "vadge scrape" joke will make it in this week :D Have I bollocks.

I feel like there was a bit of swearing a couple of weeks ago, but can't remember what it was now.

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Danno

  • Thursday 7th March 2019, 1:58pm
  • Azerbaijan
  • 289 posts

depends on the context and tone. if it's rude/silly/clever then you never know. i've got to stop masquerading as an authority on newsjack...i'm far from it. my sketches are awful.