ANGELA: You really can't beat a good football crowd on a Saturday - not since the Met issued body-worn cameras anyway. But the reputation that football is played and watched by thugs and thickos, could be about to change with the announcement that football pundit and mole-rat look-a-like Gary Neville, is to start his own university with former Man United colleagues 'The Class of '92' or as they're better known 'The IQ of '62'. Based in Manchester the university will specialise in sports studies with the best football students predicted to get a 1:2. Newsjack wondered how they might fare in the future against the establishment.

GRAMS: THEME FROM UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

PAXMAN:Now let's meet the team from Gary Neville College, Manchester

NEVILLE: (Dull) Hi I'm Neville Neville Neville-Neville, from Salford reading 'Terrace Chants and Monosyllabic Clichés'. (Chants) At the end of the day, at the end of the day-ee-ay.

ANNA : Hello I am Anna-Tessa Rostrone, from Moscow. Not man. Not KGB. Studying Sports Psychology and Propaganda. I am still also reading David Beckham's emails.

PAXMAN: And their Captain...

JANE: (Exited) I'm Jane Sports-Bra, from Birmingham reading 'The Rise and fall of the Alex Ferguson-Hungarian Empire - the hairdryer years. You looking at my Jubblies! (Deliberate) Trending on twitter #forgetMonkman - i'm sporty-geeky-fit.

PAXMAN: Fingers on buzzers. Your starter for ten. Derived from an oft misquoted Arabian love call, what 4 word term of endearment is given at the marriage ceremony of the Zuma People of Iraq?

FX: BUZZER

ANNOUNCER: Manchester, Sports-bra

JANE: Nominate Neville-Neville

NEVILLE: (Chants) The Referee's a bastard...

ALL: (Chants) The Referee's a bastard.

PAXMAN: I'll give you that, the correct answer was 'God is always right'. Your questions are on conflict. Which planet nestling in the Andromeda Galaxy was controversially named after the 17th century Austrian merchant who founded the Royal Observatory in Vienna in 1683?

JANE: (Hyper) I have no idea but I'm wearing yoga pants! (Dejected) I was too thick to do media.

PAXMAN: I don't think i can give you that

ANNA: I am not man, not KGB but answer is correct, or you meet my friend in dark lane, with umbrella. We play to win.

PAXMAN: That's correct. How did Roman poet Juvenal describe the 1st Century Roman Civil War?

NEVILLE: (Very Dull) It was a game of two halves, they gave 110%, it was a real 6 pointer.

PAXMAN: (Pompous) No, no no that was the first Roman-Jewish war. the answer is 'Who's the wanker in the black'. And finally, which committee decides on the Queen's honours for sport.

JANE: Can I nominate Beckham

PAXMAN: I wouldn't bother.

FX: END OF GAME GONG

ANGELA: We did wonder if the Gary Neville University was an oxymoron. There's a joke there, but we just can't see it.

END

I really liked the joke about still reading Beckham's emails.

Cheers BTF. Someone else suggested referencing other news items. I took a punt at a sports topic as I know they are under represented. I still like it

Will Cam I am new to this. If you can call a second series and nothing on yet as new but I am thinking one of problems with my sketches is I pack too much in and it might be too much to take in quickly. The Great Escape type sketch last week was quite simple. I wonder if this script which is cleverly done is a bit too clever as in a bit too much to take in with one radio listen. I only say this because I think I need tone simplify mine. Nj can always rewrite though. Great idea to do sport as they don't get many sports sketches apparently.

Were Jane and Anna based on real people or are they characters you made up? If the former, then sorry for misssing the references, but if the latter maybe it would have been better to base them on more recognisible people.

Quote: BTF @ 16th February 2017, 10:19 PM

Will Cam I am new to this. If you can call a second series and nothing on yet as new but I am thinking one of problems with my sketches is I pack too much in and it might be too much to take in quickly. The Great Escape type sketch last week was quite simple. I wonder if this script which is cleverly done is a bit too clever as in a bit too much to take in with one radio listen. I only say this because I think I need tone simplify mine. Nj can always rewrite though. Great idea to do sport as they don't get many sports sketches apparently.

View original

I did try not to over complicate it too much, or so I thought. Thanks for the feedback, it's all very useful.

Quote: Stobbart42 @ 16th February 2017, 11:51 PM

Were Jane and Anna based on real people or are they characters you made up? If the former, then sorry for misssing the references, but if the latter maybe it would have been better to base them on more recognisible people.

View original

I made them up Stobbart. I wanted them to be exaggerated students who would go to Gary Neville College. So Anna is the stereotypical Russian butch woman who may also be a spy - which allows for other jokes. Jane was the generic sporty type who's a bit thick. I gave her the surname Sportsbra as I thought it was a funny name which would get an extra laugh in itself.

It's all a learning curve. I wrote a sports sketch, I included 4 characters, 2 male & 2 female. These were decisions made on trying to gain any sort of advantage over other sketches. Might have to try something else this week although I am off to Tenerife on Sunday night and I am decorating at the moment so might not get a chance.

It was a good sketch idea. I daren't put mine up yet!

Quote: BTF @ 17th February 2017, 12:18 AM

It was a good sketch idea. I daren't put mine up yet!

View original

Thanks, you should put it up. Any feedback is good feedback.

Hi Will,

I too thought the Beckham line stood out. You know i like your stuff but overall not too keen on this sketch, but that could be because i dislike Gary Neville so much!

I agree with BTF it was a bit 'too cleaver' and a little wordy (at least for a fast paced Newsjack) in places. I like the basic premise but asking four wordy questions was repeating the gag - perhaps if Paxman asked one 'smart' question then rapidly asked increasingly simpler/dumber one's which they were still getting wrong much to his increasing frustration. This might have fitted Newsjack more?

As usual please feel free to ignore as WTFDIK

Cheers playfull. I get your point about the smart questions.

Quote: Will Cam @ 16th February 2017, 8:24 PM

ANGELA: You really can't beat a good football crowd on a Saturday - not since the Met issued body-worn cameras anyway.

View original

This is class. A beautiful, perfect line.

As for the rest of the sketch:

Good:

The idea. I'm reminded of The Young Ones' finest half-hour.

The KGB character. All her (his?) lines are great.

Bad:

The Sports-Bra character is poor."I have no idea but I'm wearing yoga pants!" - where's the joke in that?

I second what Playfull said above about the wordiness. Do you read it out aloud? 'The Rise and fall of the Alex Ferguson-Hungarian Empire - the hairdryer years" sounds like nonsense and would be very hard for the actor to speak. I recognise this as I am guilty of it too when I write.

Also would they broadcast the word "wanker"? I haven't been listening long but I've never heard them use language stronger than "shit".

Please can people give feedback on my poor little orphaned Newsjack sketch . Remember, Newsjack sketches are rejected every week and just a few pounds a week can provide them with a warm cup of tea and a biscuit.
Here's the link: https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/33558/

Quote: Will Cam @ 16th February 2017, 8:24 PM

ANGELA: You really can't beat a good football crowd on a Saturday - not since the Met issued body-worn cameras anyway.

END

View original

Completely missed that gag. I agree with Mahatma, this is a strong gag to start the sketch. As I missed it I wondered if it might have been emphasised more on a separate line? Or maybe I just missed it because I have the attention span of a...oh look a dog...

Cheers Playfull. It was the very first line, how could you miss that? What a dog....where....?

Thanks for your comments Mahatma. I do read my sketches out loud to make sure they scan properly. I actually do the accents as well. I should have put a (beat) in before 'the hairdryer years'. I was anticipating a laugh after Alex Freguson-Hungarian empire and the hairdryer years was an extra laugh thrown in. The yoga pants line was not a joke in itself. The joke was that she's sporty but not much else and the trend for the wearing of yoga pants (as if that justifies not being able to answer the question). Try reading it out in. Birmingham accent and see if it's any funnier

I think the lesson I'm learning is about economy; not to overload a line. I've overdone it in my Oxbridge sketch and I think the Fergie line is an example too. Maybe "Alexander Ferguson The Great: The Hairdryer Years".
That's what I love about your opening line - it's perfectly balanced, there's not a redundant word.

Liked this sketch - lots of funny stuff - Beckham emails and "I am not man, not KGB" prefix really standing out for me. Agree with others that it could improve even more with some polishing that sacrifices its cleverness for easier flow and more simple visceral laughs. My thoughts - for what their worth - would be to stick to one or two standout laughs in the intro instead of packing so much in (jumping straight into the theme tune right after 'The IQ of '62' might work as that itself is funny and you've got a couple of strong gags in already - esp. body cams - and there's a direct thematic link 'IQ') Also, though Paxman's questions are clever with payoffs later, if you could work a laugh into the questions themselves that might work well. e.g. question starts out as being a very specialized intellectual subject (which you have - setup) but actual question on it ends up being ridiculously simple (payoff) like what a Neville Uni student could be expected to know - and then they still struggle (more laughs, which you have). (Of course this depends on the leeway you have in the format of the UC questions that you're mimicking - haven't watched it in a long time). great stuff, cheers, eoin