Thank you everyone. I messed it up last night and thought about deleting it. It was suggsted I tried it out so took a breath and left it as it was. This is my first attmpt at writing something like this. I laughed at the U tube voice.
However the comment about older people liking more seemed odd (was it white people?). Perhaps the writer could explain more please?

The reason I have attempted this is because I listened to Lenny Henry when he expressed how few black actors are represented on TV. Black British people have
families of all ages too. Des will soon come to appreciate that there is more to
life than his inven-shons. The US produces films such as Street dance and lifts people to higher things - it's about growth as well as fun......lol I just have to work on it...Thank you to all

Inky, the one thing you must recognise as a writer or performer is that, no matter how good or bad you may be, most people who encounter your work will be unimpressed by it.

That was as true of Van Gogh as it was of Elvis Presley and the Beatles, and it's true today of Peter Kay, Jimmy Carr, Banksy and Lady Gaga.

The other important thing to remember is that, despite millions of critics (pro and amateur) deeming those people totally crap, an awful lot of others thought/think them very good indeed.

Stylee's as entitled to his opinion as the next man but the fact that he doesn't like what you write should in no way put you off carrying on in your own sweet way as long as YOU like what you write - and especially if a few others like it too.

Don't go changing anything unless YOU think you need to.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 4th October 2014, 12:12 AM BST

Sounds like a copy of John Wells/Idi Amin diaries.

Older white conservative types will love it.. the younger, more-rounded generations will loathe it. All been done before and not funny, imo.

View original

So if you're younger, you're automatically a more-rounded person...there's optimism! (unless you're talking about obesity)

Interestingly, I didn't realise the first entry was written in a Caribbean accent, the voice in my head was just odd, an exagerated cross between Molesworth and that Peter Cook "interesting facts" character. I'm not sure white conservatives laughing at foreigners is really the joke here, it's just surreal.

I had no idea it was supposed to be a black person - I thought it was a kindly, retarded boy of about 15.

Thank you Steely
Certainy made me think.
Perhaps a more structured critique would have helped me more ?
Older *white conservative types- Younger more *rounded generations - Will loathe it.
Could you plase help me out on these please * * ?

It is a strict rule that scripts shouldn't be written in accents. It should be written in plain english. The character decription should denote how he/she speaks so in this case it would describe the character as Trinidadian and speaks patois
If its for a diary/book its ok

Thank you for taking the time to explain, really appreciated
........................

Gabrial, Grub short guy (Thumper)

In the kitchen Des writes 'Dear Diree, I've been thinkin, the helicoper seat frame
from New Road recyclin will make a new sea front invenshon for wachin de seagulls. To-night am going dramarin an will write again soon.

It's dark
Des locks the front door walks to low sides delivery van, drop down back. Sets off but a problem with clutch. As he drives through the town in early evening traffic - Mains power cut - all shops/street lights go out.

Des
Oh man?!

Slows down - takes fast turn right. Drives through darkened street -pulls up outside of Gabes house. Takes torch from glove box. Gabe has a candle flickering in the window. Des rings bell.

Inside House
Grub in flourescent green suit with large orage glowing eyes and feelers with glowing orange tips. Jumps up on to the couch - bends down and picks
something up then presses face against window.
The item catches fire - grub seen bouncing up and down on couch trying to put the fire out when Des rings the bell again. As Des tries to peer in through the window- Door opens

Grub
Hello?

Des peers in to the darkness shining torch - Burning smell
Hello?! What's that smell man? You had a fire?

Grub can't be seen
Grub
Slight accident Desmondo!

Des can't see Grub shining torch over his head
Where you gone?!... Where you gone man?

Gub with burnt feeler
Down here mate!

Des takes a step back see glowing grub
Ahhhgg! what the!

Grub takes his head gear off
Des
Thumper is that you?

Grub
Non other mate come in.

End

Gabriel enters in one piece lycra outfit - Des shines torch on to him

Gabe
You okay Desmon? Ding Dong'll be here any minute put your costume's on and I'll get the paint

Desmond
Paint? What paint?!
Gabe
This paint

The facepaint is bright orage
Des
No Way!Am not puttin no face paintin on!

Gabe holds out a small pot of black face paint
Gabe
And this on your nose.

Grub
Look at it like this Desmon no one will know it's you.
Des
Oh,man! Where's the costume!
Grub
Just here Des

Des shines torch on to sparkling heap. A long haired orange and brown catepillar suit-
Des turns to Gabe
Des
You have to be kiddin me?!
Walks over picks it up puts it on.
Des
Where you been keepin this it smells like a bonfire!

Des takes a candle to the mirror puts face paint on.Just as door bell rings
and mains light come back on. Gabe puts his hand to his mouth - Grubs mouth drops open. There's a big hole in the back side of the caterpullar suit
Des
Well? What d'you think?

He turns round and the burn has gone through to the front
Des
Well?

Gabe & Grub
You look fantastic - great! Terrific!

Door bell rings
Gabe
That'll be Ding Dong
Gabe opens the door
Gabe
You managed okay Ding Dong?Lets take a look then
On the pavement are two giant peaches.
Ding Dong
I made two, on's just for emergencies like.

END