Huzzah give us a couple of weeks

Also good story BillWill but very dark are you in a happy place.

Quote: sootyj @ 23rd January 2014, 10:44 PM GMT

Also good story BillWill but very dark are you in a happy place.

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I'm happy but I guess the guy in my story ain't, but it was 19 years ago.

The moral really is: When the chips are really down, make the very best of it; go out with a bang.

Quote: sootyj @ 23rd January 2014, 8:56 PM GMT

I'm trying to join a novel writing group and because I am a lowly kdp writer, they insisted I sent a sample....of writing

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Is 'kdp' Kindle Direct Publishing or something else? I don't recall ever seeing that TLA before.

The subconscious mind can help me a lot in writing prose or programs or solving engineering problems.

Having brought that old short story to the fore and worked on it yesterday, my subconscious beavered away at it all night and I woke this morning with a concept for a fresh ending; all I had to do was convert that abstract concept into words.

So here it is my 2014 rewrite of Freefall. Every word chosen with great care, I hope you like it.

Free-Fall by Bill Williams.

"One, two, three, GERONIMO!" I shouted as I stepped
off the tailgate of the Argosy.

"Oh bugger", I shrieked as I felt the unexpected freedom and
flexibility of my spine as I manoeuvred into the classic
belly-down free fall position. I brought my arms and legs
back in and tipped my head down and my body into the
vertical drop while I made the redundant check, which confirmed:
no reserve, no main 'chute!

The blast of the slipstream was clearing the mugginess of the
antihistamine, and then I remembered, I hadn't intended to drop
today and had only gone up to ensure the novices would be OK.
"Bloody Hay-fever, you'll be the death of me yet!".
A wry smile buffeted around my face as I recognised the
truth in this thought.

"Can they save me" I thought as I looked at the others below me,
but most were novices and the instructors were busy shepherding
their charges and of course they were not expecting me.

With a fatalistic shrug, I plunged past the novices,
head down with my arm in the military salute position. Then I
maintained this tight pose, to get maximum speed to try for the
ultimate: the loop-the-loop, with double twist roll.

Swoosh!

"Eureka", I shouted at my success, then I chose the hardest
part of the concrete runway in sight, and aimed myself in
for a final landing.

...

But then, from the corner of my eye I saw a grey shape;
Mary and Paul in a power dive in the Argosy.
As they passed me, I saw Paul throw out a package and
then the engines screamed and the wings flexed dangerously
as Mary manged to pull out of the dive.

"A 'chute", I thought and I knew I had only one slim chance
to grab it. I angled down and thumped into the tumbling bundle
and hung on tight.

Looking down I could see that it was too late to put the 'chute
on properly, so I jammed my right arm into the harness and grabbed
tight while I pulled the ripcord. As the drogue pulled out the main
canopy, I jammed my other arm into the harness and locked my fingers
together.

Soon the main canopy opened with an almighty jerk which pulled
my fingers apart and I fell away from the parachute.

I screamed in frustration, but within a split-second, I hit the ground
on my back with a hefty thump; the chute had fully opened only about
15 feet from the ground, but had killed my velocity.

Completely winded, unable temporarily to speak or move, but otherwise unhurt,
I lay on the grass and heard the clangour of the ambulance as it raced
along the runway.

The silk of the parachute settled over me like shroud, but my thoughts were
"Shroud! I don't need a shroud.. I am Alive!"

The loading ramp of our local Argosy was only three feet off the ground and loaded up with wide screen tellys when I turned up to do my first jump. Needless to say I asked for my money back and ripped up the sponsorship forms.

Quote: Judgement Dave @ 24th January 2014, 12:44 AM GMT

Is 'kdp' Kindle Direct Publishing or something else? I don't recall ever seeing that TLA before.

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Yup kindle direct publishing

Hello billwill.
I know writing is subjective, but I actually preferred the original story with the guy choosing the hardest area of concrete, knowing he was about to die, but my God, that was his best ever somersault.

Makes a good cliff hanger to record in two episodes

Heh, yes.

Elance probably remains the best market for a short story, now that ODesk has broken up.

It may sound like I'm being a bore, but...

Hello fellow Elancer, don't worry about Odesk it's still there, just still a self righteous pain in the arse by comparison.

Hey Odesk, pay days can kiss my arse.

Oh and thanks for the book review glad you liked it.

There's a semi sequel on the way.