This town is full of 'em (army camp nearby). A lot of shooting goes on! ...as well as the occasional loud bang from the nuke station.

I wish I had a penny for every time I've spent a penny.

I wish I had a pound for every pound I've shat

My husband asked what was my password, I replied the same as our wedding anniversary, He said you did that on purpose!

Quote: Joyce @ August 11 2012, 9:11 PM BST

This town is full of 'em (army camp nearby). A lot of shooting goes on! ...as well as the occasional loud bang from the nuke station.

View original

I thought you said you were having a cup of tea and going to bed, how big is the cup?

I have gone to bed, but my gob is still awake...throbbing! I'm using my tab to poke messages into the forum. You look like my uncle, but he's not called Nicky Liar so I guess you're not him. God, this codeine is doing my brain a world of bad...delirious. My cousin used to sell time shares in Spain, but he wasn't your son...or even my uncle's son. Well, not that uncle anyway. He was a chief inspector at Hendon...not my cousin, my uncle...the other one...not you. He used to dust everything for fingerprints all the time. It was annoying.

I am going too sleep.

It was when my parents threw away all my toys, that I realised I was losing my marbles..

..but it was the game of leapfrog with U2 that finally took me over the Edge.

Quote: Bryan Parry @ June 8 2012, 4:09 PM BST

Lovely, lovely.

View original

Thanks Bryan, but I think you might have been the only person who got it.

Quote: Nogget @ May 17 2012, 9:52 AM BST

I never got to the joke shop, because I meta-joke on the way.

View original

booyah with a thoughtful chin rub

[quote name="Stylee TingTing" post="902288" date="August 12 2012, 12:47 AM BST"]It was when my parents threw away all my toys, that I realised I was losing my marbles..

you're on a roll with that one.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ August 11 2012, 9:10 PM BST

I'm fed up with all this modern packaging - cartons of milk that explode when you try to open them, little pots of mayonnaise that do the same. I bought one of those new-fangled deodorants the other day.. and when I got it home, I couldn't for the life of me figure out how it worked.. so I looked at the instructions on the side, where it said: "Take off cap and push up bottom."

Now.. what I really wanna know is: how the hell did they know I was wearing a cap?

©Rameses 11 ®™

View original

I went to the corner shop to buy some oysters, but they were past their shell-by date.

I went to the same corner shop to buy a witches dictionary and it was past its spell by date

Damn! You beat me to it. )

I went to the shop to buy some Brylcreem, but it was past its gel-by date.

What with all the recession, cuts and Rooney stuff, where does the Bicycle Repairmen's Union stand? Surely they have a spokesperson?