So I thought I'd better apologize for my "worst ever sketch" with something, that will hopefully mess with your heads

INT. ROOM - DAY

Leevil and Billusion sit across a table across from each other talking.

BILLUSION
So Leevil, you wrote any more sketches lately?

LEEVIL
Yeah, I’m actually writing one now.

BILLUSION
Yeah, what’s it about?

LEEVIL
Well, I’m actually writing this.

BILLUSION
What this conversation?

LEEVIL
Yeah.

BILLUSION
So, you know what I’m going to say next?

LEEVIL
Well, I’m actually making it up as I go along so...

BILLUSION
But you must’ve preempted what I’m saying now to make this joke.

LEEVIL
OK, so I’m thinking a couple of lines ahead.

BILLUSION
So can you guess what I’m going to say next?

LEEVIL
Well, that’s just silly, ‘cos I’ll be saying it for you.

BILLUSION
Wrong!

LEEVIL
What?

BILLUSION
You’re wrong, I wasn’t going to say that.

LEEVIL
I wasn’t guessing. I was pointing out the fact, that I’m in control of this conversation and it would be silly for me to guess what I’m going to type next.

BILLUSION
But you did know what I was going to say next, to get to this point. It was all planned. In fact all this is planned.

LEEVIL
But why are you telling me that?

BILLUSION
I thought it would brake up big chunks of dialogue making it an easier read.

LEEVIL
Thanks, but if I want to brake up big chunks of dialog, I’ll do it myself.
(Takes a sip of his drink.)
You’re right though. This is all planned out, but whilst I write this, it is pretty much spontaneous, it is in fact the second draft of this sketch, the dialogues different, but the ideas the same.

BILLUSION
What do you mean?

LEEVIL
Well I actually wrote this down on paper, it was a rough draft and quite long winded. Probably where this sketch will end up, if I don’t tie it up soon.

BILLUSION
By the time people read this, it will be the third or fourth draft and you will be no longer making it up as you go along.

LEEVIL
But I don’t have an ending whilst I write this, so we’ll just have to see what happens.

BILLUSION
But that’s my point, you will have figured out the ending, by the last draft. So why keep in this part of the conversation?

LEEVIL
Because it’s part of the sketch.

BILLUSION
Oh right, well you could’ve warned me.

END.

Thats really good. Although i'm not sure if its meant to be serious or you're just having a laugh with it. I'm having a laugh with it, so it must be serious. . . if you get what i mean.

Yeah... I thought that was very good Lee. I laughed out loud.

I can see (hear!) it as a radio sketch. The only bit I'd make stonger is the ending... perhaps a better twist on the idea of pre-determination.

Nice one!

Doesn't really do it for me, Lee. That self-reflexive idea has a long tradition and can be successful (the Pythons often used this device). Could work..Also, writing about comedy writing - isn't there a danger of disappearing up our own orifices? Needs development and is deffo promising.

I liked that too, good mind game and I like those! I kinda wanted Leevil to be answering Bi's 'next' questions before he asked them (because he already knows what Bi will ask) ... makes the dialogue a more tricky construction though. Also, to re-enforce the end a bit you could loop it into the start of the next draft ... bit of Groundhog Day type messing. Really liked it though and deserves to be persevered with. You're clearly more than just a moderator ... global or otherwise!!!

Not many laughs in it, so far, but as Losaavedra suggests, you have hit on a way to redo the David Renwick classic of answering the question before the one just asked. I'd have another go at it.

Thanks for the feedback and suggestions. The original was longer (the one I wrote on paper) I was going to make this slightly longer as well as I have a few more jokes or "word plays" but I wasn't sure if it would be too long.

I love the irony of us talking about ways to improve it.

Darren, never thought about it being performed, just wrote it for other writers. But I suppose it could be adapted to be performed.

I'm aware stuff like this has been done before, but I can't think of an example of it been written to be read, like I intended here.

I used to write stories like this at school to freak out my mates, yes, I was weird 'n twisted

Nice I liked it...very obscure. I hope you wasn't thinking of "Orvil" or any other kind of ventriloquist's dummy in your writing process. No it was kinda mad in a funy way. It almost brought last nights carrots flying out my nose along with tiny dribbles of juicy white snotty snail tracks as i laughed to myself at the Skitso-frenic conversation

Very Woody Allen. One of his plays has him appearing as the author.

I'm not really sure what to say .... so I won't say anything!

I actually wrote a similar sketch a few years ago, but lost it. I found it last year and was going to rewrite it, but Mitchell and Webb did a very similar sketch on their TV show so I didn't bother. Point being it's good, but been done.

Quote: David Chapman @ July 4, 2007, 8:16 PM

I'm not really sure what to say .... so I won't say anything!

View original

You make me miss AA.

Quote: Leevil @ July 4, 2007, 9:15 PM

You make me miss AA.

View original

I'm not stopping you going to the meetings!

*cough*

Is that *cough* like as in *bump* !?!