Cockney Nursery Rhymes #2: Humpty Dumpty

Writer's note: Not all that happy with this. This one is longer that CNR#1 and strays away from the actualy nursery rhyme more, i don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I put a few more jokes in the words to. Once again, i don't think it is as good as #1, but i'll let you be the judges.

EXT. STREET/WALL - DAY

A CHAV LOOKING KID (15) IS SITTING ON THE TOP OF A WALL.

COCKNEY:
(OUT OF SHOT): Oi! Humpty Dumpty! (HUMPTY DOESN’T NOTICE HIM) Sat on the wall! (HUMPTY LOOKS AROUND FOR THE COCKNEY) Down ‘ere ya egg.

HUMPTY LOOKS DOWN AT THE COCKNEY

HUMPTY:
Stop calling me an egg Mr Cockney, people will start believing it.

COCKNEY:
(ANGRY) ‘Stop calling you’ shut up. I’ve got a good mind to give you are great fall.

HUMPTY:
(GETTING SCARED) S - S -Sorry.

COCKNEY:
Where’s youa dad? Dave?

HUMPTY:
My dad’s not called Dave.

COCKNEY:
I refuse to call a man Davity Dumpty. (IMPATIENTLY) Where is he?

HUMPTY:
(INTIMIDATED) I don’t know, I really don’t.

COCKNEY:
(MENACINGLY) Get down here boy.

HUMPTY PUSHES HIMSELF OFF THE WALL AND LANDS ON HIS FEET. THE COCKNEY COWERS OVER HIM.

COCKNEY:
(MENACINGLY) I suggest you run off and find him. He has something of mine and if I don’t get it I’m going to wring his neck and smash his skull. Understand?

HUMPTY:
(QUIVERING) Smash … his … (GULP) skull?

COCKNEY:
Oh yeah. (LOWERS HIMSELF AND PUTS FACE INTO HUMPTY’S) And none of those horses will not put him back together again.

HUMPTY:
The NHS isn’t that bad.

COCKEY SLAPS HUMPTY IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND HUMPTY RUNS OFF. COCKNEY DUSTS HIMSELF OFF AND WALKS AWAY.

Hi Walker

Didn't like this one as much as the last one. I think your initial thoughts were right -- strays too much from the original nursery rhyme. I did like the 'Oi, you, sat on a wall!' bit though -- that was funny.

How about '(AGGRESSIVE) You wanna great fall?!' and (admittedly weak but along the lines of) 'All Kings Road sorts and All Kings Road men couldn't be arsed to put humpty together again.'

And it strikes me you're going for 'Chav' rather than 'Cockney' in tone.

Hope this helps

Dan