Here is one of my failed efforts this week. Maybe a bit long and not a strong enough news item. Shame because I like it.

MILES
News this week that Margaret Thatcher...

FXLightning strike with ghostly moan

MILES
cont.is to be immortalized on the silver screen (beat) (reassuring) its alright children, you can come out from behind the sofa now. She can't get you. 'The Iron Lady' will star Meryl Streep in the title role. We have the Oscar wining actress on the line.

STREEP
That's *actor* Miles. I don't feel the need to be distinguished as a woman.

MILES
Ah? Getting into role already (beat). Now playing Mrs Thatcher is a bit of a departure for you. Will you draw inspiration from some of your previous films.

STREEP
Sophie's Choice depicted a strong woman with difficult choices to make and Kramer v Kramer showed the pain of separation.

MILES
I was thinking more about The Devil Wears Prada (beat). She was a strong woman. Are you worried people will think you *really* are a gung-ho overbearing person.

STREEP
(LAUGHS) I'm used to it Miles, I'm an American.

MILES
Is there anything in particular you've done to help you prepare? Sleeping in a coffin for example? Or maybe drinking vinegar?

STREEP
Well I have stopped my kids from drinking milk and I've sold off my coal bunker. (LAUGHING) I'm only joking, D.C. told me to put that one in

MILES
David Cameron?

STREEP
Yes, he's Executive Producer.

MILES
Does Nick Clegg have an equally challenging position?

STREEP
Of course he has (beat) he's the Best Boy.

MILES
(SURPRISED) Well I know it's almost impossible these days, but won't there be a conflict of interests that breach Parliamentary Standards?

STREEP
As long as there is no undue bias shown there won't be a conflict.

MILES
The politicians of that era weren't exactly the most photogenic. Most of them make Ed Milliband look almost Martian. For example, who will play Michael Heseltine?

STREEP
Charles Dance

MILES
Leon Britton?

STREEP
George Clooney

MILES
Norman Tebbit?

STREEP
Had to be Steven Seagal

MILES
What about Labour's finest. An elder statesman like Michael Douglas to play Michael Foot?

STREEP
No (beat) we're going to CGI Compo from Last of the Summer Wine.

MILES
Neil Kinnock?

STREEP
Beaker from the Muppets.

MILES
Slightly biased some might say.

STREEP
There always artistic licence in the movies Miles. For example, we've added a few American soldiers to the Falklands War to make it appeal more in the states.

MILES
How many is a few

STREEP
300,000

MILES
(SHOCKED) 300,000! That's one for each penguin.

STREEP
No (beat) we've replaced all the penguins with communists.

MILES
Finally, there's been some suggestion that the film is going to portray Mrs Thatcher as an adventurous lover in an explicit sex scene.

STREEP
I don't think so Miles, remember (beat)(IN THATCHER'S VOICE) The Lady's not for turning.

MILES
Wiki geeks have already moved the Child Stealer from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to second spot in the top 50 guaranteed to give you nightmares list in readiness. The follow-up to 'Iron Lady' will feature David Cameron's government. The working title is 'Tin Pot'.

ENDS

Just listened to the show. They had a Meryl Streep/Thatcher sketch on so at least I was on the right track!

The lightning strike was ace! The line 'She can't get you!' should be replaced with 'She won't take your milk!', I reckon for a laugh.

I know you use it later, but I think the sketch is way too long, especially the bit where you're just listing who should play who. Not funny enough to sustain just firing them out -- might be better to drag those into more of the dialogue. ie. 'Charles Dance, who's playing Michael Heseltine said to me...' and then the final one could be 'who is playing Kinnock?'

To be honest, I think the sketch they did is stronger, with Streep character-acting her way through.

As you probably know, I'm not a big fan of their 'interview' sketch stuff, so I'm probably downbeat about the whole idea to start with, so take this with a pinch of salt.

Dan

Thanks Dan, The lightening strike was my favourite bit along with the Lady's not for turning gag. You're right about it being too long and on reflection I would take out all the other mentioned politicians and replace it with 'just out of interest who is playing Neil Kinnock'. I will re write when I get a chance and re post.

You can always resubmit when the film is released -- that's the beauty of cyclical topical stories

Dan

Particularly like the Thatch gags - sleeping in a coffin, not letting the kids drink milk, selling off the coal bunker, although the 'Thatch is really a man' joke is probably getting its millionth outing here.

But I have a feeling the NJ audience might be a little young for many of the references.

Great sketch Will.

Gave me loads of chuckles and I too loved the lightning strike. I also agree with Dan's notes about the length in the middle there. Maybe just one of the whose playing who gags; the one you think is the funniest.

Ta for the laughs.

Agreed - some good laughs in here, but get a big bogged down in the middle, and ending needs to be a bit bigger. I've been holding back my lunch having seen Streep grotesqued up on the front of The Times wherever I've looked today.

Re lightning strike though, has no one heard of Frau Blucher?

Thanks Blenkinsop and Big Jack. My hatchet will be out if I ever do resubmit it.