Here's a quickie for you to enjoy or rip to shreads (constructively of course).

UNNATURAL TENDENCIES

A radio sketch by Michael Monkhouse

OPENING MUSIC.

INTERVIEWER: Welcome to ‘Crook and Fanny’, Radio 4’s local sexual deviance programme. My guest tonight prefers to remain anonymous, so we’ll call him Bill… Hello Bill.

BILL (shy): Hi.

INTERVIEWER: Bill when did you first become aware of your heterosexual tendencies?

BILL: It was at a party at university. I had a bit to drink, got chatting to an attractive lady and – and held her hand.

INTERVIEWER: How did she react?

BILL: She was fine. Gave me a first in my next essay.

INTERVIEWER: But how did you feel?

BILL: I felt terribly ashamed. I come from a very tradionalist background – my father’s a vicar, my mother’s a Liberal MP, my brother’s a raving bender… But I also felt relieved. I felt I was rebelling against my boarding school education.

INTERVIEWER: And this encouraged you to come out?

BILL: Yes but gradually. It was difficult at first – people called me names: straight boy, breast-fondler, vag-stuffer… Even DJ: you know the expression ‘to flip over and play the B-side’?

INTERVIEWER: Alas, yes... So you’re now a practising heterosexual?

BILL: Yes but I’m getting better at it…. Last night I kissed a girl with tongues…

INTERVIEWER: I’m sorry?

BILL: With hammer and tongs and…

INTERVIEWER: I’ll have to stop you there.

BILL: Sorry.

INTERVIEWER: Thank you for your courage and listeners, if you’d like to contact Bill, check out his ad in your nearest phone booth, or see a psychiatrist.

CLOSING MUSIC.

Yeah... I enjoyed this!

Not entirely sure about the ending... could have slightly more impact but overall a great job.

A nice reverse take, but what in the name of Hell's conservatory was that ending all about?

Enjoy or Endure. What a great name for a quiz show.

I enjoyed, rather than endured.
Only comment I have is that if you are submitting somewhere, there is a gulf of plausibility with your casual reference to Radio 4 local programming early on. The listener knows there is no such thing, so either accentuate the farcical nature for a R4 audience, or play fast and wild and create your own fantastical local radio station that actually broadcasts these programmes.
Good luck with it, it was fun.

'vag-stuffer' I want that job.

I liked it Michael, I think the ending could be better, i'm trying to think of an alternative ending.....(5 minutes later)

INTERVIEWER: Alas, yes... So you’re now a practising heterosexual?

BILL: Yes. Last night I kissed a girl for five hours

INTERVIEWER: Five hours?

BILL: Well i'm still practising.

INTERVIEWER: I’ll have to stop you there.

Somethign like that.

Liked the this one and the idea of turning this well-worn theme on its end (ooh err!)I think I'm with you on the ending (but I'm worried if I am)but IMO I think it needs changing to something a bit sharper and less obscure.

Wow what a lot of comments and so soon! I'll read and digest and get back to you. Thanks so much!

Like the build-up but don't think I 'get' the ending either. The little jokes in the build-up are particularly chucklesome.

Dan

Very nice concept, I liked a lot.