I woke up this morning doctor, and I was covered in spots.

You said you were feeling a little hoarse, I'm afraid its much worse!

If I'm here, that means my power's of teleportation worked! No more Marwell Zoo for me!

Doc, I woke up with a real stiffy.

Doc, could you give me something for a stiffy.

Hold on Doc, I thought I was having a Rhinoplasty.

Listen bub, if I wanted medical advice I'd see a vet...

'Why the long face' you ask? Why the bloody long face? Everyone's a bloody comedian aren't they?

Dr Doolittle was finding it hard to understand his first patient of the day...

DOC: Horse whispering yes, but Giraffes? That's a whole different kettle of fish...

Giraffe: I'm worried doc, these blokes told me to wear a giraffe outfit all day or else.

Doc: Hmmm, it sounds like the Giraffia.

Doctor Smith was reknowned for being a gossip so Bill put on a giraffe costume to seek advice on his genital warts.

I'm also finding it difficult to hold a knife and fork.

Doc, those tablets, they're a teeny weeny bit strong.

The missus isn't complaining though, she wanted me to be an animal.

The giraffe business I can cope with, but not being able to pick my nose anymore so frustrates.

Franz Kafka sent me.