Hi all. I would really welcome any comments/criticisms of my failed Newsjack sketch below. Cheers!

JUSTIN:This weekend saw the 'Occupy' protests spread from Wall Street to Rome, Madrid and across the globe; although I'll be honest the turnout at 'Occupy Bolton Lidl was disappointing. In London, the so-called 99% found an unlikely leader in Big Wiki-Leaker and hater of all things latex, Julian Assange, although some have questioned whether his motives are entirely honourable . . .

JULIAN ASSANGE:[SINISTER AND CREEPY] Comrades, today is the day we rise up against corporate greed, crony capitalism and the fascist implementation of an unjust extradition treaty between Britain and Sweden.

SOPHIE:Who died and made you God?

JULIAN ASSANGE:Who said that?

MANhe did.

SOPHIEi, grass!

JULIAN ASSANGE:And your name is?

SOPHIEophie Double-Barrelled Surname.

JULIAN ASSANGE:Hmm, be a shame if your entire e-mail history ended up on the internet, wouldn't it Sophie? Especially those Bernard Manning jokes you forwarded and that competition you entered - at McDonalds!

F/X: Audible gasp from those present at the meeting.

JESSICA:Can I just say, erm Dear Leader Comrade Sir, we all appreciate your hard work and dedication in fighting corporate fat-cats and revealing informants names to Jihadists - it's just some of the demands in our manifesto, they seem to have, y'know, changed.

JULIAN ASSANGEuch as?

JESSICA:Well we all thought number 2 was 'no bank bailouts' but when Tarquin looked it actually said 'no bank bailouts until all rape charges against Julian Assange are dropped'.

JULIAN ASSANGE:Hmm, and your name is?

JESSICA:Erm, Tracy Council-Estate.

JULIAN ASSANGE:Real name.

JESSICA:Jessica Student-Whinger.

JULIAN ASSANGEo you think it's possible that you're maybe mistaken, Jessica, like the comrade who saw you coming out of the Convent Garden branch of Barclays last Tuesday was?

F/X: Bigger audible gasp from those present.

GEORGE:Enough! This corruption of the revolution by its leaders is just like 'Animal Farm'. This is not the 99% against the 1%; it's the 1% against the 99%.

JULIAN ASSANGE:I'm sorry; I didn't catch your name, brother.

GEORGE:George. Orwell.

JULIAN ASSANGE:Real name.

GEORGE:[SHEEPISH] Eric Arthur Blair.

JULIAN ASSANGE:Take him outside and feed him to the pigs - the real ones.

GEORGE:No! Wait! The humanity!

F/X: Sound of pigs squealing.

The End

It's okay. I'm not sure there are enough jokes in it, to be honest. The 'real name' thing is just repeating the same joke though, so you could cut that out.

Dan

Thanks for taking the time to read this Dan and for your comments. And I agree with you. I'm constantly surprised that what I think is pretty good on a Sunday night gets less and less good with every day!

You'd be surprised what I think is good on a Sunday late night. It's a good job I don't review any of these sketches then, as you'd all be convinced you were comedy geniuses*!

(* as if my opinion matters in any way)

Dan

Sorry Humber, didn't really make me laugh - seemed a bit of a random dialogue without much of a tag for it. What I mean is, is the main joke that Assange is evil? NJ formula does seem to be set up a ludicrous premise and run with it (e.g. Mayor who wants to give Wootton Bassett the longest name ever etc) - but need something a bit meatier.

Agree with Dan about gag-light - Orwell/ Blair is a good connection, but doesn't really result in a laugh.

Might seem a bit of mental advice, but try reading them aloud and see if you can hear them making it on the show.

Again, just my opinion - I'm no script editor.

Thanks for this, Jack; it's appreciated. I am struggling with these Newsjack sketches so your comments (and everyone elses!) are really useful.