Just for fun I like to write Alan Partridge stuff.
I know he's been off the air for 5 years, but in my sad world he's still out there.
He's still with Radio Norwich, Sonia has left him, and Michael is now working in a newsagents shop.
If anyone would like to contribute maybe we can keep him alive for a little longer.
ALAN ENTERS THE NEWSAGENT SHOP
ALAN:
Morning Michael. Has the new issue of Doctor Who Magazine arrived yet?
MICHAEL:
Dunno Mr. Partridge. It should be there between the Daily Mail & The Express.
ALAN:
Is she still insisting on arranging newspapers & magazines alphabetically?
MICHAEL:
Aye.
ALAN:
Oh. Got it. It was filed between “Wankalot Weekly” & “Young & Slutty”
It’s amazing the amount of inventions that are now in common use because of Dr Who.
MICHAEL:
What? You mean the TARDIS is real?
ALAN IS IN THE NEWSAGENT SHOP
ALAN:
Do you know Michael that since I took over the morning slot there’s been a 0.02% increase in listeners. Let me put that into perspective. That is about one extra household & I don’t mean a single parent household I mean an average one with 2.3 children.
ALAN:
Interesting debate we had this morning. Should we expel all immigrants if they lose their jobs?
MICHAEL:
Still not got over Sonia yet?
ALAN AT RADIO STATION
ALAN:
That was the fantastic Thin Lizzie with their song about the reminiscing middle aged men “The boys are back in town”. You sometimes wonder why they pick such inappropriate names, because I know for a fact his name was actually Philip… And towards the end he did get rather bloated.
ALAN AT RADIO STATION
ALAN:
(TALKING QUIETLY) So Mary. There is someone in your house. He may have a gun. He’s recently escaped from a psychiatric hospital & he’s creeping up the stairs to your bedroom.
WE HEAR MARY QUIETLY SOBBING. THEN WE HEAR THE DIALING TONE.
ALAN PRESSES A BUTTON ON HIS CONSOLE.
FX:
Alan’s wind up
ALAN:
We’ll have another one of those tomorrow. The time is 4:37 a.m.
Here’s Alison Moyet.
