INT: Café - MORNING
Two professional women are sitting at a table enjoying a morning coffee. Sarah is flicking through the obituary section in a local newspaper.
Sarah:
Oh no, says here Miss Rowe has died. Do you remember her?
Claire:
My god that's awful. She was my favourite teacher in school. She was always smiling and happy.
Sarah:
It's a shame she's gone now, the school will never be the same without her.
Claire:
Funny as hell though, Dave Robinson used to steal fags out of her handbag in Maths.
Sarah:
She was a numpty bless her!
Claire:
Do you remember when she was wearing black trousers and obviously had scratched her lady garden? Her crotch was covered in white chalk! That was hilarious!
Sarah:
She never shaved either. Were you there when Michael was throwing paper clips at her and one got caught in her armpit?
Claire:
Yeah I was in stitches!
Sarah:
Oh my god that woman was a silly bitch wasn't she! What about when she nipped to her car for a fag during first break and locked herself in! She stank like an ashtray for weeks!
Claire:
Or when that dildo fell out of her handbag in Tutorial?
Sarah:
I heard about that, what was the song? (Singing) Oh dear, what can the matter be? Miss Rowe's lost her vibrator battery!
A young male professional, James, sits down with the girls.
Claire:
Hey James, did you hear about Miss Rowe dying?
James:
No, she's very much alive.
Sarah:
It says here in the paper.
James:
I'd take another look if I were you!
Sarah looks again at the paper.
Sarah:
Oh yeah! It was Miss Lowe.
Claire:
Who?
James:
I'm surprised you didn't work it out considering.
James nods his head to the table behind. Reveal to see Miss Rowe sitting on an adjacent table, bright red and rushing to close up her handbag. She gets up to leave. As she does, two AA batteries fall out of her bag onto the table.
Sarah, Claire & James: (In unison)
Good morning Miss Rowe!