British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 2,127

Quote: john tregorran @ 20th November 2019, 1:31 AM

Victoria is not too bad for nasties.

It's all right for some people, innit? But we can't all do our shopping at Red Hill Market and borrow our audiobooks from Rosebud Library. Different story up at Frankston North, where we 'ave to scrounge from the bins at the back of Aldi and our local library only has Dannii Minogue poetry books.

Quote: A Horseradish @ 19th November 2019, 7:54 PM

Joke deleted

This is precisely the sort of post that is attracting people in droves to the BCG forums. Punters are lining up for this sort of sparkling wit. I mean, it's so clever on so many levels.

There are reports this morning that Prince Andrew wishes to do a second interview about his role in the Jeffrey Epstein affair.

I can hardly believe he'd be so foolish.

Having said that, I would never have believed he'd be so foolish as to do the first one.

There are few truths greater than that if the Daily Mail is out to get you, you're finished.

Perhaps the only greater truth is that if the BBC is out to get you, you're finished.

One thing's for certain, if both the Daily Mail and the BBC are out to get you, you're not only finished - you're totally f***ed.

If it turns out that Andrew has committed heinous crimes or that he has assisted in the committing of such crimes or even that he sat back and watched such crimes being committed, one might say he deserves all he gets.

The fact remains, however, that in a world of 7.5 billion people, not one person has accused Andrew of any criminal act or of any sexual impropriety connected with Jeffrey Epstein.

And yet, as I write these words, the man is dangling almost lifeless, nailed to a cross.

When you are waited on hand and foot and the bill is picked up by the public purse you open yourself to scrutiny. And when you invite extra scrutiny you invite conversations and when the conversations are negative you have to just ring for your free butler and get him to turn down the sheets so you can just go to bed and hope it all goes away.

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ 20th November 2019, 2:03 PM

When you are waited on hand and foot and the bill is picked up by the public purse you open yourself to scrutiny. And when you invite extra scrutiny you invite conversations and when the conversations are negative you have to just ring for your free butler and get him to turn down the sheets so you can just go to bed and hope it all goes away.

There is much truth in that, Teddy.

Scrutiny is one thing but false allegations are very different.

The girl at the centre of the scandal is, in my opinion, probably telling the truth about her association with Andrew - but, even if everything she says is true, Andrew's actions were neither criminal nor immoral.

The BBC lied to the public when it told them at the start of the broadcast interview that 18 is the age of consent in the USA.

The Daily Mail has done everything it can to persuade the public that Andrew's alleged sexual activities with the girl in question were illegal and that he was complicit in Epstein's attempts to seduce other girls/women. The alleged activities were certainly not illegal and there is no evidence of his complicity in any other inappropriate activities.

I don't know Andrew personally but there are plenty of people online who have met him and who describe him as a complete c-word: that might very well be an accurate description.

However, in my ideal world, even complete c-words would be entitled to justice.

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ 20th November 2019, 2:03 PM

and the bill is picked up by the public purse .

Say something blatantly wrong often enough and loud enough and the sheep will come to believe it, I suppose.

Andrew receives £5000 per week pocket money from his mum plus about £400 a week from his Navy pension.

When engaging in trade missions, his flights (sometimes in private jets) are paid for by the taxpayer.

I doubt many BCG readers have an income of £5000+ per week and therefore Andrew must be considered a rich man by conventional standards.

Even so, his astonishing wealth of properties and possessions cannot possibly be accounted for by his official income.

So where does all this extra money come from?

Perhaps he's a top-flight poker player on the side?

Victoria Coren Mitchell would know. Laughing out loud

Quote: billwill @ 20th November 2019, 4:31 PM

Say something blatantly wrong often enough and loud enough and the sheep will come to believe it, I suppose.

Bill you keep saying this, but I wonder whether your calculations take into account the many incidentals, for instance police costs whenever there's a parasite's wedding, the fact that poor buggers have to fancify everywhere these characters are paying a visit etc. etc. the list is endless and probably includes all sorts of things that haven't even crossed your mind. We're not just talking about the running costs of the households or buying them all new shoes. I read recently that one of the minor Royals has decided to have a very quiet private wedding to minimise Police costs, amongst other things. Please don't be naive enough to think it's just their annual pay and the costs of running their but and bens.

On a somewhat brighter royal note than has been the norm of late, today is the 72nd anniversary of the marriage of Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip.

It's an extraordinarily long time for any marriage to last but it's been helped by the fact that, many years ago, couples traditionally went into a marriage with the intention of keeping it going till death them did part.

In recent years, however, many couples seem to go into marriage with the intention of keeping it going until one or both of them gets fed up or finds a better prospect.

It was a different age.

Quote: Rood Eye @ 20th November 2019, 5:36 PM

On a somewhat brighter royal note than has been the norm of late, today is the 72nd anniversary of the marriage of Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip.

It's an extraordinarily long time for any marriage to last but it's been helped by the fact that, many years ago, couples traditionally went into a marriage with the intention of keeping it going till death them did part.

In recent years, however, many couples seem to go into marriage with the intention of keeping it going until one or both of them gets fed up or finds a better prospect.

It was a different age.

Oh, yes, well done Auld Lizzie for keeping an endless race of parasites going.

Quote: billwill @ 20th November 2019, 4:31 PM

Say something blatantly wrong often enough and loud enough and the sheep will come to believe it, I suppose.

It's how we got Brexit!

Quote: Briosaid @ 20th November 2019, 5:41 PM

Oh, yes, well done Auld Lizzie for keeping an endless race of parasites going.

I have a mental image of Liz and Phil opening their cards at breakfast this morning.

Liz: Oh look, Philip - this one's from Scotland. I wonder what it says?

Quote: Rood Eye @ 20th November 2019, 5:45 PM

I have a mental image of Liz and Phil opening their cards at breakfast this morning.

Liz: Oh look, Philip - this one's from Scotland. I wonder what it says?

I have just laughed really loud at that. Mr. B thinks I must be going insane(r).

Quote: chipolata @ 20th November 2019, 5:43 PM

It's how we got Brexit!

WELL SAID!

They are my Mum and Dad and all of our Mums and Dads. After this, it will just be people in communes trying to cheer themselves up by arguing with their neighbours and resurrecting disco. They will end up praising each other as lords and ladies of the potato as there won't be any Burger King or McDonalds. And most won't get lime marmalade delivered.

Oral sex, anal sex. Whatever the orientation, people these days will drill. It extends to our foundations. They will keep going until their houses collapse just so as they can kill the concept of parent and sympathise with their kids on not being able to inherit their hovels. At which point kids will turn and say "f**k off you old sods aged 59 -die, you stupid tossers""

Whooops.

Perhaps a bit too much individualism ism ism. Formally, that is not my view, being, oh,. in my 50s myself and extremely approximately heterosexual, hence celibate ,without receipt of or insistence on any modern office orifice. But it would be my view if I was 16. Would I have been watching the mocked Corbyn v Johnson? For sure. I'd be wanting to decide for myself which one I could depend on as my Daddy. And I don't think that anyone, whether post and present hippy or punk rock, could question that it is not about us, It is the future of the young generation which matters, whatever our quirks.

Quote: Briosaid @ 20th November 2019, 5:32 PM

Bill you keep saying this, but I wonder whether your calculations take into account the many incidentals, for instance police costs whenever there's a parasite's wedding, the fact that poor buggers have to fancify everywhere these characters are paying a visit etc. etc. the list is endless and probably includes all sorts of things that haven't even crossed your mind. We're not just talking about the running costs of the households or buying them all new shoes. I read recently that one of the minor Royals has decided to have a very quiet private wedding to minimise Police costs, amongst other things. Please don't be naive enough to think it's just their annual pay and the costs of running their but and bens.

Do you imagine we would not have similar costs anyway if we had an elected President as head of state instead of a Queen, or are you thinking the UK would run headless.

Which of all the lying politicians would you like as President / Head-of-State, surely not dopey Nicola Sturgeon?

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