British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 2,106

We have a President of the United States who knows nothing. sulks and throws tantrums and he's in his seventies. And unlike Greta he has genuine power which he is more than happy to abuse in service to his ego.

On a lighter note, in last week's Mail on Sunday there was an article about Rumpole of the Bailey in which it was stated that his wife Hilda was never seen on screen.

That was, of course, fake news: Hilda was seen many times during the show's lengthy run.

I think the Mail was probably confusing her with Capt Mainwaring's wife or perhaps Arthur Daley's.

I'm so sorry for all you old bastards who can't remember what it is to be young and to want to right life's wrongs. God help us if 16-year-olds start behaving as if they're 55. Then we're truly doomed.

I don't know if Greta Thunberg reads the BCG forums but, if she does, she may be interested to learn that I've just completed a test on the World Wildlife Fund website and my own personal carbon footprint is exactly in line with the UK government's targets for 2020.

Amazing!

Quote: Rood Eye @ 14th October 2019, 12:00 AM

I don't know if Greta Thunberg reads the BCG forums but, if she does, she may be interested to learn that I've just completed a test on the World Wildlife Fund website and my own personal carbon footprint is exactly in line with the UK government's targets for 2020.

Amazing!

Can you give us a link?

Quote: Briosaid @ 14th October 2019, 12:07 AM

Can you give us a link?

https://footprint.wwf.org.uk/#/

Quote: Rood Eye @ 14th October 2019, 12:00 AM

I don't know if Greta Thunberg reads the BCG forums but, if she does, she may be interested to learn that I've just completed a test on the World Wildlife Fund website and my own personal carbon footprint is exactly in line with the UK government's targets for 2020.

Amazing!

Very, very dubious.

I come in at 120%. I haven't flown since 05. I haven't owned a car since '93. I do one taxi journey every three weeks. They make no distinction between car ownership and car usage whatsoever and that is clearly rubbish. I bought no new clothes or new white goods in the past year, I, have virtually no take aways re food, I've had six train journeys this year and four of those were local, I do have energy saving lightbulbs. And yet I'm over the limit? So why? Because I eat beef and have gas central heating? It's total bollocks with a prejudice against people living on their own. It is telling me what I could achieve by having energy saving lightbulbs. I said I have energy saving lightbulbs. I have just cut the World Wildlife Fund out of the £50,000 it was going to get in my will. Disgusted by its modern warped construction. Incidentally,l have been a lifelong environmentalist - staunch - and now I want the environment trashed simply because of the manipulative and deceitful ways of this society now. I'm really not arsed if this bunch of amoral cultural cheating 20/30 somethings live or die at 35.

Quote: Rood Eye @ 14th October 2019, 12:00 AM

I don't know if Greta Thunberg reads the BCG forums but, if she does, she may be interested to learn that I've just completed a test on the World Wildlife Fund website and my own personal carbon footprint is exactly in line with the UK government's targets for 2020.

Amazing!

So do tell us how to be perfect because I find this survey deeply, deeply offensive. . In what years since 1993 have you owned a car? How many flights have you taken since 2005? How many kids and grandkids have you sired/been responsible for? (not mentioned at all jn the survey as if proliferation is totally irrelevant when actually it is everything : my figure is nil). Is your home bigger than a small two bedroom bungalow which is mine? Is it detached or like mine semi-detached? Do you own a pet? (I don't). How often do you travel by train/bus? Come on. Let's hear it. In any case, what is the WWF doing promoting this fake astrology? With humans gone, wildlife will thrive and earth will be better for it,. I find this kind of tripe almost gut-wrenchingly sickening as its lies ultimately influence policy, I'm almost incandescent actually. I'm going to write to them and tell them how annoyed I am by it and how they have lost a substantial donation from me.

This isn't really news but I do think that it is time for a lesson, seeing that everyone else in society is giving out lessons which are dubious in the extreme and unasked for like a kind of psychological rape. This lesson is about the violent aggression of money and I am pretty sure that what I am about to reveal is totally unique. I went to the Glastonbury Festival ten times. Mostly I had wonderful experiences. But on the Sunday of the 10th occasion in 2009, I was walking innocuously across a field and all of a sudden I was wrestled by a bloke who was twice the size of me to the floor.

I wasn't anticipating it. It shook me up. And as I was trying to pick myself up, he bellowed "you kicked my pint over". Well, maybe I did and maybe I didn't. If I did, I didn't know it and it was inadvertent. I said as much and on getting up with a big apology he grabbed me by my shirt collar and seized one arm so that it was behind my back. He said "you are f**king going to buy me a replacement". I was then frogmarched to the nearest beer tent all the while with me saying "will you please let go of me: I will buy it" and he didn't. We got to the barman where he proceeded with his line and said that I would be buying him a drink and he attempted to get into my pockets. At this point, I somehow managed to break free of him. "You're not f**king going to go" he said. "Oh no" I said. "I'm not" Just don't try assaulting me again. He jeered.

I had a jacket on as well.. At that time, I was so badly off I was on an overdraft but being the Sunday I knew that my pockets in my jacket were full of loose change and many coins were big. I felt that there was the best part of £100 there. This is the god's honest truth. I scooped out a handful. Perhaps 15 quids worth and I said "you want a pint? have three" and I chucked the money all in loose change at his feet. He stepped back a couple of paces looking alarmed, It wasn't enough for me. I scooped out another £15 and I threw it across the bar. I said "be my guest, have six pints or more".

All of a sudden this "big" man looked really frightened. I then took two scoops, one from each pocket and threw it on the floor towards him and the bar - £30 I reckon - and I said "come on then, buy everyone else here a pint". Everyone was looking. And then I did it again and again and I tell you now. He scarpered. He was nowhere to be seen because he couldn't get his head around such a blasé way with money. He was so obviously shit scared and his face was just like he had seen a ghost, What was in his head? What was in mine? Who was I? He didn't know. Nobody around me knew. Everyone went silent and froze. And the barman said something like "I don't know if we can accept this" and I said "look mate, go ahead and try to arrest me if you like and I will say you all had a problem with me giving you free money.

You will look a fool. Tell you what. Here's ten quid for you for being a total disgrace,". It was, I think, the best £100 I ever spent. I guess they might have thought I was mega-rich or mentally ill or both or anything really. They hadn't a clue but just that process sent them all into a panicky anxiety and as I say the abuser flew. But what it taught me and it is what it should teach anyone is that the power of money is ridiculous. Money is a disgusting thing and it leads to many a manipulated distortion. It uses its power to invoke fear but it is essentially a bullying coward. And frankly ever since that moment, I have never believed in anyone, especially where money raising is at their core. At least I had good reason to take action. I am grateful for the opportunity. It brought out the individual in me. And it proved what I had always felt.

I don't like being manhandled at the best of times, least of all when there is an apology for something that wasn't done deliberately or even done. People would have you locked up for chucking money away. The insanity is theirs. It's all conditioning. Often it needs medication,. And I knew that in those minutes. I was the most powerful man in the world. Yes - I would pull the same stunt again in similar circumstances even I was on the breadline. I HATE financial manipulation.

Quote: Rood Eye @ 13th October 2019, 9:19 PM

On a lighter note, in last week's Mail on Sunday there was an article about Rumpole of the Bailey in which it was stated that his wife Hilda was never seen on screen.

That was, of course, fake news: Hilda was seen many times during the show's lengthy run.

I think the Mail was probably confusing her with Capt Mainwaring's wife or perhaps Arthur Daley's.

Curiously, the error in the article by one Holly Bancroft (for The Mail On Sunday) still stands: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7542111/Rumpole-Bailey-latest-character-swap-genders.html

Anyway, it's all very well for you to spot errors in The Mail on Sunday, for you shall have the luxury of dying of old age. Alas, the same can't be said of today's kids.

Quote: A Horseradish @ 14th October 2019, 1:18 AM

This isn't really news but I do think that it is time for a lesson, seeing that everyone else in society is giving out lessons which are dubious in the extreme and unasked for like a kind of psychological rape. This lesson is about the violent aggression of money and I am pretty sure that what I am about to reveal is totally unique. I went to the Glastonbury Festival ten times. Mostly I had wonderful experiences. But on the Sunday of the 10th occasion in 2009, I was walking innocuously across a field and all of a sudden I was wrestled by a bloke who was twice the size of me to the floor.

I wasn't anticipating it. It shook me up. And as I was trying to pick myself up, he bellowed "you kicked my pint over". Well, maybe I did and maybe I didn't. If I did, I didn't know it and it was inadvertent. I said as much and on getting up with a big apology he grabbed me by my shirt collar and seized one arm so that it was behind my back. He said "you are f**king going to buy me a replacement". I was then frogmarched to the nearest beer tent all the while with me saying "will you please let go of me: I will buy it" and he didn't. We got to the barman where he proceeded with his line and said that I would be buying him a drink and he attempted to get into my pockets. At this point, I somehow managed to break free of him. "You're not f**king going to go" he said. "Oh no" I said. "I'm not" Just don't try assaulting me again. He jeered.

I had a jacket on as well.. At that time, I was so badly off I was on an overdraft but being the Sunday I knew that my pockets in my jacket were full of loose change and many coins were big. I felt that there was the best part of £100 there. This is the god's honest truth. I scooped out a handful. Perhaps 15 quids worth and I said "you want a pint? have three" and I chucked the money all in loose change at his feet. He stepped back a couple of paces looking alarmed, It wasn't enough for me. I scooped out another £15 and I threw it across the bar. I said "be my guest, have six pints or more".

All of a sudden this "big" man looked really frightened. I then took two scoops, one from each pocket and threw it on the floor towards him and the bar - £30 I reckon - and I said "come on then, buy everyone else here a pint". Everyone was looking. And then I did it again and again and I tell you now. He scarpered. He was nowhere to be seen because he couldn't get his head around such a blasé way with money. He was so obviously shit scared and his face was just like he had seen a ghost, What was in his head? What was in mine? Who was I? He didn't know. Nobody around me knew. Everyone went silent and froze. And the barman said something like "I don't know if we can accept this" and I said "look mate, go ahead and try to arrest me if you like and I will say you all had a problem with me giving you free money.

You will look a fool. Tell you what. Here's ten quid for you for being a total disgrace,". It was, I think, the best £100 I ever spent. I guess they might have thought I was mega-rich or mentally ill or both or anything really. They hadn't a clue but just that process sent them all into a panicky anxiety and as I say the abuser flew. But what it taught me and it is what it should teach anyone is that the power of money is ridiculous. Money is a disgusting thing and it leads to many a manipulated distortion. It uses its power to invoke fear but it is essentially a bullying coward. And frankly ever since that moment, I have never believed in anyone, especially where money raising is at their core. At least I had good reason to take action. I am grateful for the opportunity. It brought out the individual in me. And it proved what I had always felt.

I don't like being manhandled at the best of times, least of all when there is an apology for something that wasn't done deliberately or even done. People would have you locked up for chucking money away. The insanity is theirs. It's all conditioning. Often it needs medication,. And I knew that in those minutes. I was the most powerful man in the world. Yes - I would pull the same stunt again in similar circumstances even I was on the breadline. I HATE financial manipulation.

Making money,making more money,having money,keeping money is what our world is all about isn't it?Even if it means destroying where we live.I'm not surprised they were disturbed by someone actually throwing it around.
You don't seem to have much luck on your little jaunts Horse.
I try to blend with the background and become invisible,it's a lot less stressful

Quote: chipolata @ 13th October 2019, 7:11 PM

Like I said, of all the people in the world to heap hate, she's low on the list. And her basic thesis that the environment is well f**ked is pretty spot on.

Agread, but its not just Greta, people seem angry with Harry and Megan for wanting to help the planet and others. Also angry with starving parents from war torn countries, daring to risk their lives in flimsy dinghies and work demeaning jobs just so their children can have better. Yet some seem happy to wreck their children's futures whilst calling them derogatory names like "traitors", "snowflakes" and "Remoners" , beyond bizarre.

It's an endless barrage from people who voted remain. A barrage that has turned to true hate.
Beyond bizarre.

Quote: A Horseradish @ 14th October 2019, 1:01 AM

They make no distinction between car ownership and car usage whatsoever

Hello Horse,

I remember one section of the test in which they asked how many hours per week I spend driving my car.

Also, as far as I can see, it makes little difference to one's carbon footprint whether one lives in a mansion or a garden shed: the environmental impact arises not from the size of one's home but rather from the energy used to heat and light it.

One point you do not mention is the temperature to which you heat your house: if that temperature is relatively high, that might explain why your score is higher than you expected it to be. If it's relatively low, it won't be much of a factor.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 14th October 2019, 8:08 AM

It's an endless barrage from people who voted remain. A barrage that has turned to true hate.
Beyond bizarre.

Not sure you understand human nature. I think you can only push people so far. They prefer their livelihood or the likeliness of continuing to have a livelihood to democracy.

Quote: Firkin @ 14th October 2019, 6:44 AM

people seem angry with Harry and Megan for wanting to help the planet and others.

I'm not sure anybody's angry with Harry and Meghan for wanting to do good to the environment and to other people.

I am however sure that a great many people are angry with them for saying they want to do good to the environment but simultaneously demonstrating the contrary by flying around in private jets. Some people see that as the most appalling hypocrisy.

Also, a great many people are aware that Harry and Meghan's public lives are orchestrated by the highly skilful and experienced PR team that previously represented Harvey Weinstein and Michael Jackson whose purpose is to ensure that they do and say the right public-pleasing things while the press and/or the public are listening, and that they say the right public-pleasing things when posting on social media. Some people see that as being fake.

The PR team is employed (as they were with Harvey and Michael) to put the most positive possible spin on all negative news stories concerning Meghan - particularly the relationship with her father. Some people feel that the Meghan we see in our newspapers and on our TV screens might not be the real Meghan. Some people suspect that Meghan might be acting. :O

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