A PUB.
TWO BLOKES (RON AND CHARLIE) ARE HAVING A DRINK AND A CHAT.
CHARLIE IS READING THE DAILY MAIL.
CHARLIE:
It says here we're buying twenty Tomahawk missiles at a million quid a pop to fire at them Isis fellers.
RON:
That's twenty million quid, that is.
CHARLIE:
I knew it was a lot. Why are we bombing them, exactly?
RON:
They keep beheading people and generally killing each other.
CHARLIE:
Why are they killing each other?
RON:
They don't like each other, I suppose.
CHARLIE:
And why are they beheading people?
RON:
They're beheading OUR blokes cos we keep bombing THEIR blokes.
CHARLIE:
And we keep bombing THEIR blokes . . .
RON:
. . . because they keep beheading OUR blokes.
CHARLIE:
So we keep bombing them.
RON:
Yes.
CHARLIE:
And they keep beheading us.
RON:
Yes.
CHARLIE:
It's all making sense now.
BOTH MEN TAKE A DRINK FROM THEIR GLASSES
RON:
They're what's known as a clear and present danger to the United Kingdom.
CHARLIE:
So if I nip down the south coast right now, can I see them through my binoculars - coming at us in all sorts of boats, and some of them swimming with knives between their teeth, and shaking their fists at us and all that?
RON:
No. They're 3000 miles away.
CHARLIE:
But they're marching towards us as fast as they can?
RON:
No, they're staying where they are.
CHARLIE:
So they're 3000 miles away. We can't see them, and they're not coming to get us.
RON:
Correct.
CHARLIE:
How clear and present is that, as dangers go?
RON:
Very clear and very present.
CHARLIE:
Better bomb the bastards then.
RON:
No doubt about it.
ENDS.
