So, as some of you may know, the 4th of July is the day we politely asked some of you to leave. The fireworks displays for the towns in my area have been postponed due to weather, which did not deter any of the illegal fireworks displays from going off in people's backyards last night. Some of those people live fairly close enough to the mall where I work that we could hear them going off and I had this exchange with my last customer of the evening.

"Oh, looks like the rockets are red glare and the bombs are bursting in air."

Customer: *In a very snooty and uptight voice* "Uh, you might not want to joke about that."

Me: "Ma'am, tomorrow is the 4th. That's kinda our song, you know the one we sang every morning in school. If you can take that out of context, the terrorists have pretty much won."

Very nice, nicely constructed and it's a joke that works almost entirely on character and setting.

I think there might be a subpunch in them thinking you're a terrorist because you use a word like context?

I swear to God it's not a joke, that conversation did take place.

Then you recreated it well, it's the start of a series vingettes for your standup routine. The smart cartjockey vs the ignoramous customer.

Well, I'm working today, I'll have my notebook on hand.

Why are you having a pre-4th of July conversation on the 4th of July?

Why are you telling Brits about your "Leave the empire" anniversary?

You've done it now! We're not letting back in!

F**k the USA.

no offence

Well I like 'em.
Happy fireworks day, USA!

Happy trick or treat.

Quote: Gordon Bennett @ 4th July 2014, 6:40 PM BST

Happy trick or treat.

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No, no, no - that's their version of Halloween.

Happy turkey eating, then.

Quote: lofthouse @ 4th July 2014, 5:23 PM BST

F**k the USA.

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A picture of lofthouse taken earlier today -

Right, that does it

Your names going down on the list

Come the revolution my friend...

Quote: lofthouse @ 4th July 2014, 10:18 PM BST

Right, that does it

Your names going down on the list

Come the revolution my friend...

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As a person, I evolve, but I don't...revolve.

Quote: Paul Wimsett @ 4th July 2014, 2:37 PM BST

Why are you having a pre-4th of July conversation on the 4th of July?

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Because we Yanks like to do time differently and when I made the post it was actually the third. You should be well aware of the rules of bending time as the cannabis laws are a lot more liberal over there.