Nice joke but I'd frame it

I spent a night in casualty after drinking the green fairy

Next time I'll stick to absinthe and not washing up luquid

Thanks, how much do I owe you?

Should boiler repairs cost so much? It's a heated debate.

Should therapy be priced by the hour? We've limited submissions because it's an emotionally charged debate.

Quote: lomas @ 1st July 2014, 7:14 PM BST

Thanks, how much do I owe you?

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Like Spiderman you now have to save my life at some point in the future.

Quote: NateSean @ 30th June 2014, 10:51 PM BST

There's a whole series of Little Johnny jokes out there. Did you write this one or is it one you heard?

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All my own work. It didn't start out as a "little Johnny" joke but it seemed to fit well.

Quote: NateSean @ 30th June 2014, 10:51 PM BST

There's a whole series of Little Johnny jokes out there. Did you write this one or is it one you heard?

View original

All my own work. It didn't start out as a "little Johnny" joke but it seemed to fit well.

Quote: NateSean @ 30th June 2014, 10:51 PM BST

There's a whole series of Little Johnny jokes out there. Did you write this one or is it one you heard?

View original

All my own work. It didn't start out as a "little Johnny" joke but it seemed to fit well.

Apologies for above repetition. In Kefalonia with big fingers and small, slow iPhone.

Apologies for above repetition. In Kefalonia with big fingers and small, slow iPhone.

I thought Wadley was such a big head always boasting about Greek Islands.

I felt a bit bad when I found out he had hydroKefalonia

My Greek friend was always refusing to watch Disney with me
He was from MickeyNo's

I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today and it said:

"Pineapples: five cubed."

I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.

Very nice

We were discussing holiday destinations the other day and I suggested Egypt, the wife said that if we're going to spend that sort of money it would be better to wait until the kids are old enough to remember it. I said, no problems, we'll just arrange for them to be gang raped, they won't forget that.

I complained to DFS after a sofa I ordered was dumped in the stairwell of my apartment block.

They said I need to take it up with the delivery man.

Quote: lomas @ 5th July 2014, 4:55 PM BST

I complained to DFS after a sofa I ordered was dumped in the stairwell of my apartment block.

They said I need to take it up with the delivery man.

View original

I think that's possibly too subtle, for eejits like me. How about:

I complained to DFS after a sofa I ordered was dumped in the stairwell of my apartment block.

They said I needed to take it up with the delivery man.

I said I'd offered to help, but he just pissed off.

Quote: sootyj @ 1st July 2014, 7:11 PM BST

Nice joke but I'd frame it

I spent a night in casualty after drinking the green fairy

Next time I'll stick to absinthe and not washing up luquid

View original

Good teamwork there, it's a deent gag.

Quote: lomas @ 5th July 2014, 4:55 PM BST

I complained to DFS after a sofa I ordered was dumped in the stairwell of my apartment block.

They said I need to take it up with the delivery man.

View original

That is very funny

Just got that one its good.

Radio 4 were tweeting pictures of Hilary Clinton's entrance.

Presumably before the revenge porn ban comes in

Went to a video game shop and bought "Tekken".

It's just a Yorkshire bloke moaning about someone stealing his milk.