This would have to be filmed in a certain way with carefully planned camera angles for it to work well. It's a bit silly but I find it visually amusing so....

FADE IN:

INT. SPORTS CLUB - DAY

ADAM and WAYNE are in a youth club's sports hall.

ADAM
Alright mate, fancy a game of table tennis?

WAYNE
(wearing baseball cap peak to front)
Yeah go on then.

ADAM
Are you any good?

WAYNE
(boastfully)
I’m good at all sports me, so prepare yourself for an arse whipping!

They pick up a bat each and take up positions at opposite ends of the table. Adam bounces the ball on the floor in preparation to serve.

ADAM
I'll serve first then OK?

He throws the ball up in the air but on catching first sight of Wayne, lets it fall to the floor instead of hitting it and asks with a disbelieving look on his face.

ADAM
Tell the truth, you've never really played this game before, have you?

Revealing Wayne standing up on top of the table at the other end cap facing backwards.

FADE OUT

When I mentioned that it would have to be short a certain way, I mean that from once they pick up a bat each, the camera is only on Adam and he doesn't really look down the other end of the table until just before the final shot of Wayne standing up on it.

So as Adam is saying "I'll serve first then OK?" he would have to be doing something like closely inspecting the ball or concentrating as he bounces it up and down a few times on his bat.

As a little extra aside I thought Wayne could be wearing a baseball cap normally, as in peak to the front during most of the sketch, but has tuned it backwards in the final shot in a gesture of competitive combat. I originally only mentioned that here now but also added it to the actual sketch anyway.

you could just write Wayne's P.O.V (Point Of View) at the beginning i.e. the camera will be on Adam.

liked the sketch.

OK thanks Nick and think I might have to do some research on learning the terms and everything and glad you liked the joke too.

when i say beginning i mean:

They pick up a bat each and take up positions at opposite ends of the table. Adam bounces the ball on the floor in preparation to serve.

WAYNE'S P.O.V

I wouldn't worry about technical terms. As long as it's clear, a director will add the necessary tecnical jargon to make the sketch into a shooting script.

I tend to find P.O.V useful though, as it cuts out superfluous explanation.

Didn't do anything for me.
Just another 'incongruous behaviour' gag.
Also, the sketch should (surely) stand up for itself without the lengthy explanatory text.

If you started the sketch at the guy preparing to serve it could make a very short sketch. Or, add some jokes to the build-up.

That's fair enough Johhny D if it didn't do anything for you as we all have a different sense of humour but basically, aren't nearly all jokes about odd, inappropriate or out of place behaviour?

Isn't there supposed to be something about there are basically only seven main plots in literature and every story is a variation of a theme and can fit into one of the categories? I expect it's not that different with jokes to and this sketch could just as easily have been two people having arranged to play golf or tennis and one turns up in full scuba diving gear but the punch line would still stay the same.

The explanation was my way of saying that I'm not very experienced in this field, as I've mentioned on here before and I've put stuff up that I assumed was fairly clear, but I appreciate that I obviously know what is meant but shouldn't take it for granted that everyone else does. It's all a learning curve though and I'm happy to hear all opinions and hopefully will learn from them.

I usually have a picture in my mind's eye of how something looks but I'm not the best at getting it across in the written form but I'm sure everyone knows the expression that a picture paints a thousand words, that's why this wouldn't really work on radio for example.

I'm also probably committing some cardinal sin here but think things such as having a gormless acting or gormless looking person playing any role can add to the humour and dare I say it, even canned laughter can sometimes do so too. I know where I’m supposed to laugh, but still felt that the odd Only Fools & Horses Christmas specials definitely lacked something when shown without canned laughter.....not that I’m making a comparison here mind you.

Hey imamazed, pretty good but how about this for an alternative finish:

ADAM
Tell the truth, you've never really played this game before, have you?

Camera cuts to:
Wayne wearing a clay pigeon shooting outfit (green Barbour quilted bodywarmer, tweed trousers, green wellies) and ear protectors, looking up, shotgun pointed at the ceiling, oblivious to Adam's comment.
After a pause he turns to face Adam, looks quizzical and asks "Pull?"

Yeah that could work too Pablo.

You would probably have to manipulate somewhere into the dialogue an excuse for a little bit of time to pass by, with also say a screen wipe or frame change so that they could meet up again, after Wayne changes into the shooting gear.

That's if you wanted it with the table tennis idea or maybe change it to playing a different sport like squash and Wayne, now wearing the shooting gear is ready and waiting when Adam comes back after changing.

Or alternatively, a another sport like golf but arranging to meet the next day.

Quote: imamazed @ March 2, 2007, 10:17 AM

I usually have a picture in my mind's eye of how something looks but I'm not the best at getting it across in the written form

View original

Good job you're not trying to be a writer then!

LOL Nick.

I liked this. ShoePie made an excellent suggestion re: very shortened version. The dialogue up to then is fluffing and explaining a situation that is familiar to us all so I'd take a chainsaw to it and cut it down to the minimum possible. You're not losing any gags from that section.

As to explanations. No need to go into great detail. Just something like: We see Wayne ... or: Wayne is revealed to be ...

As to the game-keeper outfit, it's comedy. You don't need to explain the time gap, Ima. No viewer is going to be analysing the timeline, hopefully they'll be laughing instead. And for the joke to work, you can't logically explain it away. The opponent would see Wayne walking in with it.

I suppose what I was clumsily trying to get across was that once they had decided to play table tennis, Adam doesn't really look at Wayne again until he is in the middle of serving and then stops halfway through, due to catching sight of Wayne standing up on the table. The early dialogue is also meant to show Wayne as being cocky about winning when he is bullshitting about being good at all sports.

What I meant regarding Wayne wearing the shooting gear was that if Adam was talking to him from the start, then he would have been able to see what he was wearing all along, unless you mean the sketch should just start with the shot on Adam asking Wayne if he had played before and then you see Wayne for the very first time dressed in the shooting clothes?

Hey there Imamazed - I hope you don't mind a bit of a re-write; see what you think:

FADE IN:

INT. SPORTS CLUB - DAY

ADAM and WAYNE are in a youth club's sports hall.

ADAM
Alright mate, fancy a game of table tennis?

WAYNE
Are you sure? I'm *pretty* good!

ADAM
Yeah, right! - Let me go and get my bat out of my locker.

(ADAM leaves room)

FADE OUT

(Pause)

FADE IN INT. SPORTS CLUB - DAY

ADAM re-enters room

ADAM
I'll serve first then, I ...

(ADAM stops mid sentence)

ADAM
Tell the truth, you've never really played this game before, have you?

WAYNE is wearing a clay pigeon shooting outfit (green Barbour quilted bodywarmer, tweed trousers, green wellies) and ear protectors, poised, looking up, shotgun pointed at the ceiling, oblivious to ADAM'S comment.
He has a plastic mallard on his head.

After a pause WAYNE turns to face ADAM

WAYNE (quizzical)
Pull?

I don't mind anyone doing re-writes of anything I put up here Pablo as I think we probably all quite often come up with our own versions of how others sketches could go.

I think I said earlier too that I thought your version worked well.....or did I just think that in my head? LOL