I got this and I don't know if it is worth exploring or not, something tells me there is nothing in it but then I think maybe there is, I don't even know how to end it so I went for silly. Any comments appreciated ye or neh will do, it is bugging me.

EXTERNAL - DAY - IN A NICE LITTLE CUL-DE-SAC

THERE IS A HOLE IN THE GROUND SURROUNDED BY SAFETY BARRIERS

DAVE IS STANDING BY THE SIDE OF IT HOLDING A BANNER THAT READS "SAY NO TO FRACKING"

HE IS ALSO SHOUTING THROUGH A MEGAPHONE " NO FRACKING IN OUR STREET"

A VAN PULLS UP BESIDE DAVE, A WORKMAN GETS OUT HE HAS A HI VIS JACKET ON, A SHIRT UNDERNEATH.

Workman approaches Dave.

Workman: Listen mate there is no fracking going on here, we are just undertaking some minor repair work.

Dave: Are you sure, because they are fracking everywhere these days, it's all you hear about on the news, fracking this and fracking that.

Workman: Yes I am positive, we have completed the work required and are coming back on Monday to fill the hole in.

Dave: But what about the smell of gas?, everyone is talking about it, and my pictures.

Workman: There was a small leak in one of the pipes and we plugged it up. What about your pictures?

Dave: One of them fell off the wall this morning.

Workman: What has that got to do with what we are doing here?

Dave: It's the vibrations when they are fracking, it causes earthquakes and tremors and pictures to fall off walls, how do you explain that then?

Workman: Maybe it's just a coincidence, but it has nothing to do with the work we are doing in your street.

Dave: Oh right

DAVE LOOKS DOWN TO THE FLOOR AS IF HE IS THINKING, HE LOOKS BACK UP AT THE WORKMAN

Dave: Your lace is undone

END

Strange punchline!

Nice sketch but what's up with the punch

Also you could accelerate the madness

I like fracking, I like fracking. I like fracking and I like to frack...

As Not The Nine O'Clock News might have put it.

Quote: sootyj @ August 25 2013, 6:36 PM BST

Nice sketch but what's up with the punch

Also you could accelerate the madness

View original

I didn't know how to end it and I still don't, so I put a silly hat on it for now

Quote: AndyGilder @ August 25 2013, 6:51 PM BST

I like fracking, I like fracking. I like fracking and I like to frack...

As Not The Nine O'Clock News might have put it.

View original

Like it, or as Bob Marley didn't sing. We're fracking, we're fracking, we're fracking, we're fracking, I want to frack it with you

What, I like the punch. He has run out of steam and tries to change the subject.

The dialogue is a bit clunky. I think you need to use contractions where possible otherwise it sounds unnatural. I quite like the punch though.

I put the end line in because I didn't know how to end it, I wanted to end it properly but I didn't know what to put, I was thinking he turned the banner around to read "Jesus is coming" or he said something about boring (bore) and yes the dialogue is very clunky, I am really not sure if there is anything in it at all.

Carlos I like the build up and the farcical scenario and above all I loved the punch!

Thanks everyone for your input, I am still not sure about it myself, there is something I don't like about it. It doesn't feel like there is enough in it. Didn't expect people to like the punchline at all though so that surprised me.

Thanks again

I love the set-up. Perhaps it could become obvious that he has no idea what fracking is, as the conversation progresses.

I like what you're doing with the last line, but perhaps it's a touch sudden; maybe you could bridge to that with another desperately grasped bit of demoing: "Right...err...any fox hunting going on down there? I'm well against that, as well".

Good concept, I really like it.

Quote: gappy @ August 27 2013, 10:38 AM BST

I love the set-up. Perhaps it could become obvious that he has no idea what fracking is, as the conversation progresses.

I like what you're doing with the last line, but perhaps it's a touch sudden; maybe you could bridge to that with another desperately grasped bit of demoing: "Right...err...any fox hunting going on down there? I'm well against that, as well".

Good concept, I really like it.

View original

Thanks gappy, I will have a play around with it a bit more, I like the foxes idea or maybe badgers they are in the news these days.

Thanks again

Eureka!! He gets badger culling mixed up with fracking. The worker jumps in his van, frustrated at explaining to an idiot, what he is really doing. As the van drives away, a laughing badger with a hard hat on waves a pneumatic drill at him.

Like it. Didn't get the ending first time I read it but did the 2nd time I read it. It depends how it is interpreted by the reader/listener Maybe I'm thinking a bit like this..

Workman: Maybe it's just a coincidence, but it has nothing to do with the work we are doing in your street.

Dave: So you're not fracking then?

Workman: NO!

DAVE LOOKS DOWN TO THE FLOOR AS IF HE IS THINKING, HE LOOKS BACK UP AT THE WORKMAN

Dave: Well your lace is undone!

END

Thank you Fannie and Tony. I like the thought of a laughing badger with a hard hat on I am sure I have seen that as a logo somewhere.

Tony, was you thinking his lace is undone because of the vibrations from the fracking?