Quotes

Guv explains his approach to equality

Steve, I'm all for equality, I am, yeah? That's why I let my female staff work longer; so they can earn the same as the men.

Guv (Al Murray) in Series 1, Episode 1

The nameless old man reacts to the news of the pub holding a gay night

Old Man: "Well, I think a gay night sounds like fun. A whole night, where folk can forget their worries and be as gay as they please."
Guv: "Yeah grandad, I think you're using the word 'gay' in its old-fashioned sense."
Old Man: "I can assure you, I am not."

in Series 1, Episode 2

It's true, we never put a man on the moon; BUT, we were the first up Everest, which is the nearest you can get without the sodding fireworks.

Guv (Al Murray) in Series 1, Episode 3

The Guv delivers his verdict on a St. John's Ambulance volunteer

I tell you, this country's called Great Britain; it would be called Amazing Britain if it wasn't for tits like him pulling the average down.

Guv (Al Murray) in Series 1, Episode 3

Janet's suspicions over the Guv's adverse reaction to a stout pump are quickly denied

Jealous? Of the Irish? The only reason, love, I can think to be jealous of the Irish is that they're further away than us from FRANCE.

Guv (Al Murray) in Series 1, Episode 13

The people I'll never understand are those Americans who pretend to be Irish. As if it's not bad enough being American!

Terry (Phil Daniels) in Series 1, Episode 13

The Guv objects to use of the word 'alcoholic'

Old Man, you know we don't use the 'A' word in here! We refer to them as the 'Liquid Crusaders Fighting the Holy War Against the Tee-Total Taliban'.

Guv (Al Murray) in Series 2, Episode 1

Guv is not impressed as Connie flirts with an Irish decorator

Honestly, the only person who knows less about Ireland than you, is everyone in America.

Guv (Al Murray) in Series 2, Episode 3

Philosophy. What is the point? What's the point of anything? Someone should look into that.

Guv (Al Murray) in Series 2, Episode 8