I went on a soft porn forum. It said, Some threads may be sticky.

I got a penis extension. Penis.com

I had a dick extension, on the cheap. It went pear-shaped.

My girlfriend says size doesn't matter. She's happy with my two and a half inch... gold card.

Got a Council tax bill today...

...Well as far as I'm concerned it's a joke.

My dad just got a colostomy. It came with a free bag for life.

I saw a cow, a calf and a bull. I said, 'What's the beef?'

I kept getting lost while running. So now I carry a RAM card to help me jog my memory.

I read, 'Libya: 5,000 men ready to enter.' I thought that's not Libya, that's George Michael.

Voluntary euthanasia. I don't see what the fuss is all about for the life of me.

A guy with two dicks watches a porno. He says, 'Thanks for the heads up.'

I was refused travel on the underground as I wasn't part of the driver's inner circle.

A Native American brave was curious as to how he had received his name. So he went to speak to his father, the chieftain of the tribe.
"Father," he asked, "how is it that I acquired my name?"
"Well, my son, I named you and both of your brothers for an event which occurred on the day each of you were born. For example, the day your eldest brother was born, I saw a deer running swiftly through the forest, so I named him Deer Running Swiftly.
"Likewise, when your middle brother was born, the rain was pouring hard outside of the wigwam, so I named him Rain Pouring Hard...
"Why do you ask, Horse Galloping?"

I got my dentistry exams results through. Written A Practical A+ Oral B.

I passed the prick test.