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No Benefit

THREE BLIND MICE SAT AROUND A TABLE. ONE OF THEM IS READING A LETTER IN BRAILLE. ONE OF THEM HAS HIS SHADES ON HIS HEAD AND IS TOSSING A PIECE OF CHEESE UP AND DOWN, CLEARLY WATCHING IT. THE OTHER TWO WEAR SHADES AND STARE STRAIGHT AHEAD.

MOUSE ONE:
It says here they're not paying us any more benefit!

MOUSE TWO:
What?! Why not?

MOUSE ONE:
Apparently someone's sent them a letter saying we're not all blind...

MOUSE THREE LOOKS SHOCKED AND SILENTLY MOUTHS 'FUCK...' HE SLOWLY SLIDES HIS SHADES BACK ONTO HIS FACE AND STARES INTO THE DISTANCE.

MOUSE THREE:
This is a disgrace. If I ever see... erm... if I ever *find out* who told them, I'll set them alight and happily watch them burn...

MOUSE TWO:
Watch?

MOUSE THREE:
Smell. Smell them burn...

MOUSE ONE:
Sick bastards.

END

Quote: swerytd @ February 23, 2007, 12:17 PM

MOUSE ONE:
It says here they're not paying us any more benefit!

MOUSE TWO:
What?! Why not?

MOUSE ONE:
Apparently someone's sent them a letter saying we're not all blind...

MOUSE THREE LOOKS SHOCKED AND SILENTLY MOUTHS 'FUCK...' HE SLOWLY SLIDES HIS SHADES BACK ONTO HIS FACE AND STARES INTO THE DISTANCE.

END

View original

And that's where it should have ended. Still funny but to me this shorter version is even funnier.

I agree with Baumski, if filmed it would be a nice visual shot of all the mice as it ends

First - I am worried that my Scottish education was a waste of time. Either I'm reading the opening wrong or there should be 4 mice and not 3!?? - please tell me I'm not going mad(der).
Secondly - and to the sketch itself - I'm kind of in the middle here, I DO think an extra killer line after the mouse mouths 'f**k' would be good (as to what the 'killer line' is - don't ask me - do you think I write comedy or something!! [don't answer that one]). What you have there works OK but a snappier punchline at the end may work better (perhaps somehow reduce what you already have!?). I'm starting to waffle now so I'll go back into my box.

<----- three blind mice?

Quote: swerytd @ February 23, 2007, 12:17 PM

More animals...

THREE BLIND MICE SAT AROUND A TABLE. ONE OF THEM IS READING A LETTER IN BRAILLE. ONE OF THEM HAS HIS SHADES ON HIS HEAD AND IS TOSSING A PIECE OF CHEESE UP AND DOWN, CLEARLY WATCHING IT. THE OTHER TWO WEAR SHADES AND STARE STRAIGHT AHEAD.

View original

Well it says three blind mice but it goes on to say

One reading braille
One tossing cheese!
Two staring straight ahead

So four blind mice here, well technically three blind mice cos one isnt blind is he

Maybe it should have read:

Quote: swerytd @ February 23, 2007, 12:17 PM

THREE BLIND MICE SAT AROUND A TABLE. ONE OF THEM HAS HIS SHADES ON HIS HEAD AND IS TOSSING A PIECE OF CHEESE UP AND DOWN, CLEARLY WATCHING IT. THE OTHER TWO WEAR SHADES AND STARE STRAIGHT AHEAD, ONE OF WHOM IS READING A LETTER IN BRAILLE.

View original

so, my bad. Sorry.

Dan

I was just picking up on what others said, too picky...I just think its funny.........be a good animation

Quote: Scott Evans @ February 23, 2007, 3:14 PM

be a good animation

View original

Well, I've tried it with three real mice and it just got messy. The glasses were way too big and the one who could see was a *proper* diva, complaining about his 'motivation'...

Dan

Cheers for clearing it up Dan - makes sense now - sorry for being picky mate!! (just thought I was going bonkers)

Quote: swerytd @ February 23, 2007, 3:15 PM

Well, I've tried it with three real mice and it just got messy. The glasses were way too big and the one who could see was a *proper* diva, complaining about his 'motivation'...

Dan

View original

Hey maybe theres a sketch in that idea. Someone says about it being better as a animation and the director explains why it really wasn't

Quote: Andy W. @ February 23, 2007, 3:16 PM

Cheers for clearing it up Dan - makes sense now - sorry for being picky mate!! (just thought I was going bonkers)

View original

It's alright Andy.

I was a bit confused about what you meant at first; thought there was some weird Scottich version of the nursery rhyme where there was an extra mouse!

Dan

Quote: swerytd @ February 23, 2007, 3:48 PM

It's alright Andy.

I was a bit confused about what you meant at first; thought there was some weird Scottich version of the nursery rhyme where there was an extra mouse!

Dan

View original

There is - but it involves 6 blind mice as we have too much Whisky up here and see double.

Good stuff - I say keep the longer version.