Hi. Can I have a critique of this please, it went down really well on another forum I visit and I just wondered what fellow comedy writers thought.
It's a random episode. It's not completed and has pieces missing, but what the hell.
EDIT: I've removed the other episodes.
http://pc.celtx.com/project/cciwjLYbsqxk/view/http://celtx.com/res/M1aZcLSOuRpS
Cheers.
**Holds breath**
As you say it's a random episode so it's difficult to comment out of context but I thought it was well written and entertaining. Made me smile a couple of times.
Thanks.
I went to read your first episode as it seemed a logical place to start, I have no idea on the back-story of these people and I found it confusing what was going on.
I could only read just beyond your first scene, I found it boring there appeared to be no jokes and the ones I found didn't have much effect. I'm sorry I just found it a bit flat and besides this fellow James going for a job interview nothing else seemed to be happening except idol chitchat.
I totally agree. The first episodes, I hate, I wrote them ages ago and just recently deleted the first scene, so it wouldn't make much sense.
The episode I'm wanting to review was originally a sketch idea, but I just ended up using my sitcom characters names. And then decided to make it a full episode.
Thanks for the feedback.
Ok I have got back to reading your third episode and I actually take some of it back... I don't know whether you took your writing pills but this is a lot better I'm smiling a lot here.
"I had a wank" - genius, Yeah I defo like this episode more.
I still haven't decided who my characters are and at the minute just have basic ideas in my head. I'm having real trouble trying to give them an interesting, original and still recognizable world to live in. So I'm just writing scattered scenes to keep the idea alive.
It's a vivid setting and decent characters. My amateur advice would be much more humour and a serious reduction in the number of lines. Many lines are incidental. Loads of potential! 
Well leevil be careful of the "3 people in a flat" scenerio unless you can put a good twist on it stay away, its been done to death.
But yeah character development shouldnt be to hard, try writing down who they are what they like/hate and why these characters might clash/get along obviously conflict is what we want at the end of the day.
Quote: paul watson @ February 16, 2007, 8:26 PMWell leevil be careful of the "3 people in a flat" scenerio unless you can put a good twist on it stay away, its been done to death.
Agreed.
Really liked the SpongeBob/Simpsons sheet gag. On the 3 flatmates scenario; i thought it had a certain feel of 'Game On'about it?
lol. Game On is a total influence on me.
I am just gonna repeat whats been said before, episode one has no background information or anything but you have said you know that so that was pointless on my behalf but apart from that its good, entertaining
I haven't actually looked yet but will make this comment for now and then will add more once I have looked, but at the risk of stating the obvious, I think with sitcoms as opposed to sketches, I feel you need a basic storyline that can maybe even be summed up in a few lines that wouldn't even give it away as a comedy and then you later add funny scenarios and jokes to pad out the basic storyline.
Apparently the chandelier scene from Only Fools and Horses did actually happen and as a stand alone sketch by itself would still have worked, but I'm imagining the writer had the going to do a clean and repair job plan, but as that would only have lasted 2 minutes or so, the rest of the episode was spent setting it up where the Trotters gave a lift to the house owner and padding it out with jokes saying that they came from a little village just outside London called Peckham etc.
He also set up the part where Del overheard the owner on the phone talking about getting the chandelier fixed and then seeing that as an opportunity to repeat the knowledge he'd just heard by claiming to be an expert and offering to do the repair work.......then he mentions to Granddad about buying some superglue and windowlene which acted as another gag.