Why did the christmas fire go out?
Cos Santa came down the chimney.
Xmas jokes anyone? Page 2
Quote: Nigel Kelly @ December 13, 2007, 9:17 PMWho says, "Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me?"
Santa going down Fred West's chimney.
fooking brilliant.
Quote: ajp29 @ December 14, 2007, 11:43 AMWhy did the christmas fire go out?
Cos Santa came down the chimney.
Rofl, now it's jokes of this calibre that amuse me. 
Man selling Big Issue.
MAN
Big Issue?
OLD WOMAN
Yeah, get a job you lazy gett.
Quote: ajp29 @ December 14, 2007, 11:43 AMWhy did the christmas fire go out?
Cos Santa came down the chimney.
I have actually tried this and I'm afraid it doesn't work. I was so concerned with maintaining an adequate foot hold, that I was unable to think of anything erotic that would take me to the edge so to speak. Plus the smell of reindeer is very off putting. I would also like to point out that you would need a penis with the bore of a fire hose to get a sufficient quantity of the extinguishing liquid to quench the flames of an open fire fuelled with a smokeless variety of coal. Beware of houses with central heating as you may be on the roof for sometime.
Hope this helps.
It's probably easier if he came up the chimney.
Heard the Spice Girls Xmas single?
It's called:
'Ho', 'Ho', 'Ho', 'Ho', 'Ho'
Quote: Wildjesusfishkid @ December 16, 2007, 11:38 AMI have actually tried this and I'm afraid it doesn't work. I was so concerned with maintaining an adequate foot hold, that I was unable to think of anything erotic that would take me to the edge so to speak. Plus the smell of reindeer is very off putting. I would also like to point out that you would need a penis with the bore of a fire hose to get a sufficient quantity of the extinguishing liquid to quench the flames of an open fire fuelled with a smokeless variety of coal. Beware of houses with central heating as you may be on the roof for sometime.
Hope this helps.
er OK
Why was the window frosty?
Cos santa came through it.
TWO SNOWGIRLIES ONE OBVIOUSLY PREGNANT, STAND SUCKING ICICLES.
SNOWGIRLIE:
What happened to your snowstud then?
PREGGIE SNOWGIRLIE:
Oh him! He went off with The Snow Queen!
SNOWGIRLIE:
What a Narnia!
how do monks open the door?
With a Monkey.
How do snails make their nails look good?
With snail varnish*
*Actual cracker joke!!!
I feel nauseous
Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?
Because he was born in Bethlehem.
Jesus runs through the forest frantically searching for Joseph, finally finding joseph squatted over a bush taking a dump. Joseph looks across to Jesus.
Joseph
Don't move theres a bomb under the bush
Why wasn't Jesus born in France?
Because they could find three wise men, or a virgin.
Quote: Gavin @ December 17, 2007, 7:52 PMJesus runs through the forest frantically searching for Joseph, finally finding joseph squatted over a bush taking a dump. Joseph looks across to Jesus.
Joseph
Don't move theres a bomb under the bush
... Eh?