F**king Hell! C**segnalazioni to me for wanking it. I'll PM me with a subject for next wank. I won't really. It's a joke.
Meanwhilst..
2 - Me
1 - Otterfox
Next topic: Presentation
Leg closed: 5.5.25
Runners are nowt...
Position Score Name
1 - 2 - Me
1 - 1 - Otterfox
WOULD YOU ADAM AND STEVE IT
CONTINUITY (glad I got that right) ANNOUNCER: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen and you, and welcome to tonight's TV rundown. First up this evening it's 'This Morning with Richard and Judy', in which Richard will be replaced by Stephen Fry and the part of Judy will be covered by Stephen Fry. Stephen Fry and Stephen Fry will be interviewing Stephen Fry on Stephen Fry's career, the life of Stephen, the times of Fry and the life and times of Stephen Fry. Then it's QI hosted by Stephen Fry, with a bunch of celebrity guests including Stephen Fry, Stephen Fry and of course Stephen Fry. Then it's film night, and this morning's films are Oscar, featuring Stephen Fry, The C**terville Ghost with a special appearance by Stephen Fry, and The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy in which the voice of the book has been exclusively entrusted to Stephen Fry. Finally it's comedy time, starting with A Bit Of Stephen Fry and the other one, the old classic Al Fresco - which introduced us to on Stephen Fry - all the Black Adders with Stephen Fry in them, a Litlle Bit More of Stephen Fry and that bloke, that episode of the Young Ones with Stephen Fry in it, and A Yet Bit More of Stephen Fry and the guy from Dr House, which will this week feature Stephen Fry. Finally it's the South bank show, in which Melvyn Bragg will replaced by Stephen Fry interviewing Stephen Fry about Stephen Fry in a Stephen Fry Special hosted by Stephen Fry, directed by Stephen Fry and conceived by Stephen Fry. So that's it, but tomorrow's Friday - oh God...
[Generic meeting room. 1 stands before white screen]
1: Ladies and gentlemen, as you know I've been doing some work streamlining your procedures and policies. My initial appraisal being over, my plan is to invite selected staff members in for meetings to discuss each individual document, which is why you're here today, as you are all well placed to review our first document, the Fire Safety Policy.
[Brings up front page of document on projector]
The policy's main aims are 1) to provide suitable fire safety equipment in all premises, 2) to adopt procedures allowing the safe and swift evacuation of staff and visitors, and 3) to try to stop employees starting fires. So, who can spot the flaw?
2: Is it that we should try a lot to stop employees starting fires?
1: Yes, that's good, well done. But even more pressing than that - what happens if there's a fire?
3: We all get out.
1: Right, and then?
2: The fire engines come?
1: Bingo. And what happens in between? [Pause and murmurs] This policy does not specify what we might cook if a fire breaks out.
3: Cook?
1: Of course! Efficiency, people! Why let a good conflagration go to waste? Crack out the marshamallows, cook tomorrow's lunch, dry the washing, anything.
2: But the policy is about fire prevention.
1: Yeah, sure, but let's be honest, fires are gonna happen, and when they do, maximise the potential. For example, don't you guys ever have any bodies you need to dispose of? [Awkward pause] Bodies? The corpses of enemies cluttering up the place, no? Nobody?
3: Not really.
1: Pity. Is that because you ate them?
2: What?
1: Feast on the flesh of the defeated foe, yeah, that's classic business practice. You get their abilities - it's like asset stripping, in a way. A tasty way. Anyway, next topic.
[Projected image changes to a typical Hammer image of a young woman in white on a stone altar, surrounded by cowled men]
1: How are you stocked for virgins?