Hi All

Short cartoon o' mine: https://youtu.be/82W11kNRQ5U (NEW VERSION)

Any comments on the script, animation, voices, music and anything else welcome. Thanks to anyone who comments!

Yac

Hi Yacob
Another brilliant animation but.....

The music or effects were too loud.
In several places, they bled all over the dialogue making it difficult or impossible to hear.
And crucially, the very last word - or punchline - was incoherent. So I don't know what he was being welcomed to.

Otherwise, I am in awe of your skills.

Cheers Stephen! Interesting, I thought the dialogue was audible enough when I listened through my speakers and headphones. But then again, I know what all the words are so maybe that's why I heard it that way. I'll make the music quieter and the punchline louder in a future version.

I thought it looked amazing, as per.

The music was a little distracting for me, but I heard everything just fine.

I felt it was a bit a long, really, though I appreciate that's the standard response to any sketch. There was just too much time for me to get there before the script did.

Cheers Gappy! I'll turn the music down and I'll probably speed up the cartoon by about 3% to get through it quicker (which may sound like a strange thing to do but it's easier than editing parts out at this point).

Visually splendid, Yacob. I agree with the others, I anticipated the joke because the lead up was too long, and couldn't hear the punchline. Was it The Hindenburg? Scott's expedition? Just needs a bit of tweaking. Well done!

Thanks Beaky! I'll make it louder at then end. And will speed-up the video a bit to get to the punchline faster (unfortunately for me, editing things out is a bit difficult because of the music and the way the shots go together - also, I'm lazy).

OK, I've a made a few changes to the video based on the suggestions I've received. Here are the main things I've changed:

- The music is now around 40% quieter.
- I cut about 8 seconds from the beginning to get to the meat of things quicker.
- The punchline is now bit louder.

New version can be seen here: https://youtu.be/82W11kNRQ5U . Hopefully it's an improvement.

Brilliant! Very enjoyable. Excellent artwork and the voice acting is spot on. It has a theme I really like where there is humour everywhere and reminds me a lot of the computer game Two Point Hospital.

A few invited and uninvited extras could add to the humour like a pigeon peering through the window or the interviewer's cat appearing briefly on the desk or a spider hanging from one of the light fittings and then quickly climbing back up. Or a mouse scuttling past. One or two distractions like that during the dialogue or even reacting to it in the style of Creature Comforts would fit with the humour. Great work.

Thanks Definitely Tarby! I haven't played Two Point Hospital but I played Theme Hospital back in the day - I think it's Two Point Hospital's sort-of prequel.

Unfortunately, animating an animal into the cartoon at this point might kill me through an odd mixture of exhaustion and boredom .

I understand as it's already been re-edited and you have to mark it as completed at some point. I'll be looking out for the inquisitive pigeon cameo on the next video!