Customer, Travel Agent.
CUSTOMER Hi, I'd like to book that five-quid flight to Paris please.
TRAVEL AGENT Certainly Sir, that's twenty quid.
CUSTOMER I'm sorry?
TRAVEL AGENT Don't apologise Sir: five-pound ticket, five-pound aeroplane tax, five-pound airplane tax, five-pound miscellaneous.
CUSTOMER Um... Fine...
TRAVEL AGENT Yerse, there's another twenty-pound fine as you failed to book on-line via Bacefook, Twatter and Instamams, thus causing surheads and overcharges for company staff, time and electricity.
TRAVEL AGENT Butt? Bottom? Willy? Don't be coarse Sir, there's a fifty-pound sanction. We do have a swear box, but also accept American Express, luncheon tokens and Blue Peter badges. (whispers) There are adults present.
CUSTOMER Adults? Children.
TRAVEL AGENT Adults, children, all the same to you, eh? Who are you, Jimmy Savile? Do not fear Sir: a further hundred pounds and I shall keep shtum.
CUSTOMER Right. that's 195 pounds.
TRAVEL AGENT Fear ye not Sir, I shall round it up to 217 pounds, 31 and a halp p.
TRAVEL AGENT No, British.
CUSTOMER (makes out cheque) Thanks a lot.
TRAVEL AGENT (looks at it) Sir! This is 217 pounds, 31 and a half p.
TRAVEL AGENT The large print disclearly states that as per Regulation and Rule 45 and a quarter of the United Multilateral National Decree, all monies thus further deposited pursuant to but in disaccordance from the aforementioned firm, filial or ferret between weekend days are subjectful to a concurrent levied importation feed freed duty of eighteen thousand, thirty two zillion, one purloin of a pony, two millionths of a monkey, several stoats and...
CUSTOMER Right, I'm leaving. (leaves)
BOSS gets up from under desk, shakes Travel Agent's hand.
BOSS Well done, and welcome to RyanAir.