- Thursday 23rd February 2017, 9:55pm [Edited]
- 121 posts
Hadn't submitted a Trump one this series so thoughthat I'd give it a bash this week.
There's been lots of speculation about The Donald's personal mobile phone. It appears he uses an old Samsung from 2012 which hasn't had a security update since 2015. What's more amazing is the man who wrote the 'Art of the Deal' seems to have been duped into a 5 year contract from Carphone Warehouse. However, it's not just national security he needs to worry about...
MELANIA: Donald, darling. I am worried about the security on your phone. You have many pictures on it that could be...embarrassing.
TRUMP: Oh you mean the plastic mattress ones?
MELANIA LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
MELANIA: You leave your phone lying around all the time. I keep finding it next to the toilet.
TRUMP: It's where I do my best tweeting.
MELANIA: Well, I bought you this one instead.
TRUMP: What the hell is that?
MELANIA: A Nokia 3310.
TRUMP: It looks like something we could build the wall with. Sad!
MELANIA: It's a good phone.
TRUMP: Maybe it's good in whatever country you come from, Melania.
MELANIA: Its battery has the same half life as uranium.
TRUMP: You don't need to tell me about uranium. No one knows more about uranium than me.
MELANIA: Please if not for me, then for the security of America?
TRUMP: (frustrated) What about my Pokemon Go score, Melania? I have literally the greatest Pokemons you've ever seen.
MELANIA: You can play Snake 2 instead. It's amazing; you can go through the walls and everything!
TRUMP: But...but... it doesn't even have twitter on it.
MELANIA: What if someone hacks your account?!
TRUMP: I think people would notice if I started posting crazy stuff on twitter all of a sudden.
TRUMP: And what if I want to tell Meryl Streep that she's fat and stupid?
MELANIA: Maybe just tie a note to a brick and throw it at her?
TRUMP: And what about my 200 billion twitter followers?
MELANIA: 200 billion? Really?
TRUMP: Yeah I was given that information. I've seen that information around.
MELANIA: Please, I'm begging you. Just try it.
TRUMP: Ok for you honey I'll... whoops I dropped it...
FX: PHONE HITTING FLOOR
TRUMP: ...it's broken. So broken.
MELANIA: No, Rosie O'Donnell could sit on a 3310 and it wouldn't break.
TRUMP: Wow! That is impressive.
MELANIA: Unless...is it too big for your hands?
TRUMP: That is fake news!
MELANIA: Of course. Those enormous thumbs would never struggle with something like a phone.
TRUMP: I know what you're trying to do Melania. And it's totally working. I'll take the phone!