SFX: FOODLE-E-DOOMPH, DRUM ENDING TO SONG
PONYTAIL: And that's the final mix, Max. What do you think?
MAX: [Aging Brummie rocker] Bloody brilliant. I think that's a great track.
PONYTAIL: Well done, Max, I knew you still had it in you.
MAX: Tell you what, after 17 albums, I think that's the best song I've ever written.
PONYTAIL: [Sardonic] Yeah, that's usually how it happens. So, let's make this a big comeback release, eh?
MAX: Oh, yeah, definitely. I reckon that this is such a great track, it deserves a truly amazing release. Get the pressing plant on the line and tell them to print up....200!
PONYTAIL: 200? What happened to it being a special release?
MAX: Yeah, good point, better make it 50.
PONYTAIL: Really, Max, is that what you want?
MAX: Oh, yes. I've just written the best song of my career, I want it to feel truly special, and the best way to achieve that is to ensure the fewest possible number of people hear it. It's entirely natural that an artist would feel that way.
PONYTAIL: Well, alright. I'll get 50 CDs made and -
MAX: Not CDs! Anyone could play them! Vinyl. I want only a minuscule number of people to even be able to play this record, and that's if they can find a copy. Which they won't. Because, surely, that's what being an entertainer is about: reaching the smallest possible number of people with the greatest amount of difficulty. Nothing else would adequately repay the effort I've put into this piece, or the universal message of the songwriting. Oh! I know, how about if it's only available for one day?
PONYTAIL: One day?
MAX: Yes. A special day where the shops are crowded and expensive. To weed out anyone who is only mildly interested in hearing the song. I mean, if neither of us is going to make any money out of this, we might as well open the door for professional traders to earn a packet; that's only fair.
PONYTAIL: Fine, I'll do that. Oh, and I nearly forgot to say, the makers of the show Dark Openings want to license some of your old tracks for the next series. Have you seen it?
PONYTAIL: No worries, I'll get some DVDs couriered over.
MAX: [Weary sigh] Oh, what? Can't I just stream it?
PONYTAIL: Erm, don't think so.
MAX: Blimey, what bloody century do these people think it is?