'It's hard to believe I know but they've missed me out again.'

'If you get an honour it's because you have done something for your country. What have you ever done?'

'What have I done? I wash my milk bottles out before I put then out. And what about all those cornflake packets? I could have saved them up and got a Davy Crockett hat. But, no, my country first I thought.

And what about all the salvage I put out?'

'You didn't put the furniture out, they came and took it away.'

The best I can remember at this time of night from Hancock - Almost A Gentleman.

The queen offered me the OBE once

I politely declined and told her to ram it right up her rancid old c**t

Quote: lofthouse @ 30th December 2013, 11:46 PM GMT

The queen offered me the BLOWJOB once

I politely declined and told her to ram it right up her rancid old c**t

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You have to tap her with your knob on each shoulder first

On a serious note, I resent how they've downgraded the BEM. people are given it now for what I'd consider trivial things compared to my grandfather who was awarded it in WW2 after the Germans torpedoed and almost sunk the (merchant navy) ship he was on. Poor bugger had ended up in the water in WW1 as well after his ship was sunk.

Quote: lofthouse @ 30th December 2013, 11:46 PM GMT

;The queen offered me the OBE once'

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'Bill, you were ordered out of the British Empire.'

The Queen broke with festive tradition on Sunday and left church at Sandringham without collecting any flowers from the children waiting outside.

She decided to return home immediately after the service because she received so many bouquets on Christmas Day that she was made late for lunch with her family, police told people in the crowd.

The Princess Royal and the Countess of Wessex accepted some of the flowers in place of the Queen, but a number of the children were left disappointed that they had not been able to give them to the monarch herself.

Perhaps hoping to catch a glimpse of five-month-old Prince George, a larger-than-usual crowd of around 5,000 members of the public had turned up to cheer the Royals as they attended the customary Christmas Day service at St Mary Magdalene Church on the Sandringham estate in Norfolk

FUCK

YOU

David Beckham didn't receive a knighthood.

I'm devastated for him.

I think they should honour fictional characters. 'Sir Alan Partridge MBE'. I would feel very proud to be British if that happened.

Quote: lofthouse @ 31st December 2013, 3:30 PM GMT

The Queen broke with festive tradition on Sunday and left church at Sandringham without collecting any flowers from the children waiting outside.

She decided to return home immediately after the service because she received so many bouquets on Christmas Day that she was made late for lunch with her family, police told people in the crowd.

The Princess Royal and the Countess of Wessex accepted some of the flowers in place of the Queen, but a number of the children were left disappointed that they had not been able to give them to the monarch herself.

Perhaps hoping to catch a glimpse of five-month-old Prince George, a larger-than-usual crowd of around 5,000 members of the public had turned up to cheer the Royals as they attended the customary Christmas Day service at St Mary Magdalene Church on the Sandringham estate in Norfolk

FUCK

YOU

View original

A late entry for the funniest post of the year beating I believe Sooty's attempt at re-writing the Magna Carta in the stylee of Monty Python's 'Meaning of Life'. In other news I genuinely laughed my cock off

Quote: roscoff @ 31st December 2013, 6:18 PM GMT

A late entry for the funniest post of the year beating I believe Sooty's attempt at re-writing the Magna Carta in the stylee of Monty Python's 'Meaning of Life'. In other news I genuinely laughed my cock off

View original

Did I, I write so much I forget what I wrote.

Quote: roscoff @ 31st December 2013, 6:18 PM GMT

A late entry for the funniest post of the year beating I believe Sooty's attempt at re-writing the Magna Carta in the stylee of Monty Python's 'Meaning of Life'. In other news I genuinely laughed my cock off

View original

What??

Not sposed to be funny

This just shows how she really feels about her 'subjects'

Miserable old sod

Miserable old German sod at that

It's Christmas day the only people working are the emergency services, so why should the old bird patronise a bunch of f**king weirdoes who want to give her flowers.
Frankly I bet they're all nonces.

Yeah.

I can't really see the Chef at Sandringham saying 'Where the f**k have you been? Your f**kin' dinner's spoilt.'

Have you tried fitting a whole stuffed f**king swan in a microwave

Not really, I usually BBQ mine with a balsamic glaze.