British Comedy Guide

Silent Mix

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Saturday 1st September 2012, 6:26pm [Edited]
  • Everton, England
  • 3,190 posts

It is a lovely summer morning in suburbia.

We see a middle aged woman in her kitchen making a cake from a recipe book that is propped up by a biscuit barrel.

The woman potters around setting up the mixing bowl and ingredients etc. As she
goes to the fridge to get eggs we see on the fridge door a flyer stating 'Grand Cake Competition' at the local church hall. We also see a photo on the fridge showing her holding an elaborate three tier cake; she is wearing a winner's sash

The woman then gets her hands stuck into mixing the contents of a bowl as she does so the telephone rings. The woman ponders on whether to answer it; the phone stops then starts ringing again immediately.

The woman grabs a T towel and half cleans her hands, as she gets to the phone, the ringing has stopped.

The woman then presses 1471 then shakes her head and replaces the receiver. The phone is now covered in cake mix much to her annoyance.

We now see the kitchen from the back bedroom window of the house opposite.

There is a telephone on the window ledge, a hand replaces the receiver.

The woman in the back kitchen returns to mixing the cake she is slightly flustered but calms down as she looks at her cat dozing on the open window ledge.

As the woman starts to mix her cake again the cat suddenly screams and jumps off the window ledge knocking things all over the kitchen.

The woman holds her hands to her head in fright. The mix is in her hair, as she surveys the kitchen we see spilt milk, broken eggs and broken glass all over the floor.

The woman is near to tears as she drops to her hands and knees and starts tidying the kitchen floor.

We are back over the road we see the hand as it places a catapult next to the phone on the back bedroom window ledge.

Back in the kitchen the woman is still on her knees cleaning as is almost in tears. The kitchen is wrecked.

We then see the recipe book which has now got a bright dot on it which turns brown and the goes on fire.

After a few moments the woman sees the fire which has now spread to the kitchen roll.

The woman totally panics and picks up the mop bucket and throws its contents over the work surface. The fire stops but everything is in ruins.

We are back over the road; we see the hand place a magnifying glass next to the catapult and phone on the back bedroom window ledge.

The hand then places a framed photo on the window ledge. In the picture we see a woman holding an elaborate cake she is wearing a sash saying 'Runner Up'

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earman2009

  • Saturday 1st September 2012, 9:00pm
  • Fermanagh, Northern Ireland
  • 1,244 posts

Maybe it's just me, but I found this a bit difficult to read. I had to read it a couple of times before I got exactly what was going on. I wasn't clear to me when it switched from the woman across the road back to the first woman in the kitchen. There are grammar and punctuation errors throughout. Once I understood what was going on, I found it amusing, but it could be funnier I think. There could be a better punch line perhaps. Sorry, if this seems harsh.

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Sunday 2nd September 2012, 8:04am
  • Everton, England
  • 3,190 posts

Thanks for that Earman, my grammar and lay out was not the best.

I have to admit when I read your post I was peeved at first (who isn't) but in reality I could and indeed should have done it properly.

My problem is that I just open a thread and write what's in my head at that time. Perhaps it would be better if I stopped and polished the thing up before posting. It's another lesson learned.

In relation to the content and punchline I remain happy with it.
As we all know comedy is subjective and what works for one is never going to work for all.

Sadly I can do nothing on that front as I can only write what I find funny in the vain hope others also see the humour.

Still it was nice to get feedback and I hope you take the time to look at some of my other posts and see if I can at least raise a titter or two.

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marion

  • Sunday 2nd September 2012, 8:19pm
  • England
  • 453 posts

Hi there Wave

You have paid great attention to detail, I feel. I didn't find it hard to read but I did put 2 and 2 together and pretty well figured out the end before it got there.

Please don't take that as a negative since the point of this forum is to help folk like me, and perhaps you, develop though others experience.

It was well crafted but I simply guessed where it was going.

Thanks for giving me the chance to read your work.

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Sunday 2nd September 2012, 9:12pm
  • Everton, England
  • 3,190 posts

I think the outcome was detectable but I like how I arrive at it in an almost Cluedo fashion.
Not my best but I enjoyed the notion and was happy to share it.

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dellas

  • Sunday 2nd September 2012, 9:18pm
  • Manchester, England
  • 4,598 posts

:) I liked it, easy understood but guessed after catapult it would be another woman! at least you weren't sexist stating that women can aim catapults!