Okay guys. This is part of something else. A project. Just wanted your thoughts.
Joan has popped to the retirement home to see her mother Mary.
Mary is in the television room with several other residents. Joan takes a seat next to her.
Joan
Hi Mum. How are you.
Mary.
(Arms folded across her chest)Pissed right off.I am bloodie bored in here. Gerald keeps pinching my arse.(Points towards a gentleman who is smirking at them)
Joan
(Laughs & wags her finger at him) Gerald leave my mothers bum alone.
Mary
I told him fondle but don’t pinch, I tell you I hate pinching. It is a pointless act of violence with no sexual excitement to the victim.(pushes her false teeth in and out of her mouth with her tongue)
A nurse has wandered in to give out pills to some of the residents.
Nurse
You don’t mind pinching my arm on occasion’s do you Mary.
Mary
You are trying to poison me that’s why. I am writing a diary about you lot I tell you. Social Services would have a field day with this place. (waves her walking stick about)
Joan
Don’t be silly mum.
Mary
You don’t know what its like in here. It’s a hell hole. See that thing over there.(Points to an old lady who is sitting in her wheelchair, with her face 3” from the TV Screen)
Joan
Yes that lady, what about her.
Mary
She is the resident bike.
Nurse
MARY!!
Mary
She is. I saw her wheeling into Albert’s room the other night. Naked she was, Vile it was. She almost caught her tits in the wheel spokes.
Nurse
(Stiffles a giggle)She was probably on a wander. She does that.
Mary.
Yeah sure! Wondering where her next ride is. Filthy trike. Look can someone wheel the gammy legged whore away. I cant see the TV.
Joan
(Tries to change the subject)How was the wednesday evening entertainment Mum.
Mary
(Snorts)Entertainment. Some half dead singing cowboy with a water pistol. Squirted me right in my minny. Nearest thing you get to a shower with these half wits caring for you. (cackles)
Joan
(Ignores her) Well I thought I might take you to the beach Sunday.
Mary
Dont bother. It will probably rain & I will drown.
Joan
Well if it doesn’t rain would you like to go to Brighton Beach. Just think of all those lovely memories you and Dad had of Brighton Beach.
Mary
Your dad the twat.
Joan
Come on Mum, you loved dad.
Mary
Only on Tuesdays at 9.45pm till 9.47pm
Nurse
Mary had a little fall didn’t you.
Mary
I was pushed. It was an attempt at murder.
Nurse
She fell and hurt her leg Joan.
Joan
Awwww! Poor mum. What happened (turns to Mary)
Mary
That Alfred tried to kill me so he did.
Nurse
No he did not Mary, you tripped on your walking stick and fell.
Mary
That Alfred tried to asssasinate me. You remember Alfred don’t you Joan. I told you about him last time you visited.
Joan
Is this the German Gentleman.
Mary
F**king Nazi.
Nurse
That’s not very nice Mary.
Mary
I think he knows I am a bit Jewish.
Nurse
Mary he is blind, deaf & bedridden.
Mary
So he makes out. Who do you reckon left the gas on in the kitchen.
