One of the first sketches I ever wrote.

An office meeting. People gathered around in a circle. Gavin, the office exec starts the ball rolling.

GAVIN:
Now then team, it's thursday, you all know what that means.

ONE OF THE MEN STARTS TAKING HIS SHIRT AND TIE OFF.

GAVIN:
Stuart. What on Earth are you doing?

STUART:
It's topless thursday isn't it?

GAVIN:
No Stuart it isn't, you know full well that topless thursday falls on the third thursday in every month. This is the second thursday.

ANDREA:
Is it Blindfold thursday?

GAVIN:
Of course it isn't. Blindfold thursday isn't even on a thursday, it's every other Monday.

DEREK:
Why is it called blindfold thursday if it's on a monday?

GAVIN: (VERY MATTER OF FACT)
Blindfold thursday isn't called blindfold thursday it's called blindfold monday. I only called it that because she did.

HE LOOKS OVER AT ANDREA

GAVIN:
It's grievance thursday.

THERE ARE A FEW MUTTERINGS AMONGST THE OFFICE FOLK.

GAVIN:
Now then Julia has only been with us for a few days so doesn't know what to expect or indeed what all of this is about.

WE SEE JULIA. A MILD MANNERED MIDDLE AGED WOMAN COMPLETE WITH CARDIGAN AND GLASSES. SHE LOOKS TIMID AND NERVOUS.

GAVIN:
Grievance thursday is pretty self explanatory. Everyone gets a chance to get things off their chest. It doesn't matter what it is, if it's someone whose behaviour annoys you or something about your job you don't like, then you can tell us. The golden rule here is, what's said in this room stays in this room, there will be no comebacks. Would you like to start us off?

JULIA IS PUT ON THE SPOT AND FREEZES.

JULIA:
Oh no I'd rather not yet. I don't feel comfortable.

GAVIN:
Okay then. Whenever you feel up to it just chip in.

ANDREA:
Okay then I'll start. I can't stand all these themed days we have.

GAVIN:
Okay.

ANDREA:
Most of them don't make any sense, or indeed relate to the jobs we are doing. Topless thursday, Blindfold Monday, Apricot wednesday...I still haven't figured that one out. It's all rubbish.

TIM:
Well Andrea I think your attitude stinks.

THE ATMOSPHERE TURNS TO ONE OF CONFLICT. INSULTS ARE FLYING EVERYWHERE. THIS LASTS FOR A GOOD FEW SECONDS WITH EVERYONE SHOUTING OVER EVERYONE ELSE. JULIA LOOKS TENSE. AS IT GOES ON SHE GETS TENSER. ALL OF A SUDDEN.

JULIA:
I have sex with animals!

THE ROOM GOES DEADLY SILENT. YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP. EVERYONE LOOKS AGHAST.

GAVIN:
Julia how dare you? I'm absolutely disgusted. This certainly isn't the time or place for discussions of that nature. If you must talk about such depraved things as those then I would appreciate it if you did so where things of that nature belong, the gutter...or at least wait until Bestiality friday.

JULIA LOOKS DEVASTATED. EVERYTHING GOES BACK TO NORMAL WITH EVERYONE SHOUTING AS IF NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.

Love it! Biggest laugh came with Apricot Wednesday - seems just the right word, somehow. It's got it's own lovely logic and the ending makes perfect sense within that. Good stuff all round

I loved it too!

Great dialogue & really visual. I felt as though I was in the room.

Apricot Wednesday, now that IS genius!

I liked it but it reminded me of a gag in the league Of Gentleman. Nude Day. Ditto Apricot Wednesday.

Great sketch, yes I also thought of TLOG, Nude Day. But still, very good.

Made me think of Big Train.

I liked Apricot Wednesday too. Good fruit choice.

Very good. I read it slowly to try and second guess the punchline but I couldn't.

Very funny.

Hi Boits

As I was reading it, I couldn't help feeling I'd seen it done somewhere before as a sketch but can't, for the life of me, place it.

Yours is well-written and has a few good one-liners in it but the version I've seen before has basically the same jokes you've hit! (Great minds, eh?)

I think it needs tightening up dialogue-wise and, in my opinion, I think you could use better adjectives for the days or at least, relate to the adjectives better with a few one-liners in the later discussions. For instance, the unfortunate incident that happened last 'Topless Thursday' could be hinted at. I think your opening gag ('Topless Thursday') could do with being bit more surreal to get a bigger laugh (though it may detract a little from 'Apricot Wednesday' later on)

Don't get me wrong -- it's a very good sketch, just think the above highlights some opportunities to make it even funnier.

Hope it's helpful

Dan

I thank you sir. In fact I thank you all. You've got me thinking that I've pilfered it now without knowing though swerytd. You'll have to find out where you saw it and inform me. I did post it on the 4laughs site last year if that helps.

Boits

Quote: Boits @ May 30, 2007, 11:32 AM

You'll have to find out where you saw it and inform me. I did post it on the 4laughs site last year if that helps.

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Might be that -- specially as it's *so* familiar!

<sarcasm> Bet you got *loads* of feedback there!</sarcasm and Dan's personal bugbear>

Dan