Not one to let a good idea go, I carried on with it!
Dan
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More Uncharismatic James Bond
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4. BOND, CLEARLY UPSET, RUNS FROM AN EXPLOSION. HE IS ALMOST IN TEARS AS FURIOUSLY DIALS A NUMBER ON HIS PHONE
BOND
Blofeld!? I'm coming to get you, you bastard! Killing my best friend-- (BEAT) Oh, sorry. Is Blofeld there, please? (PAUSE) It's Bond. James Bond. (PAUSE) No! Bond. Bond! B-O-N-D! (PAUSE) Erm, okay, tell him: 'I'm coming to get you, Blofeld!'. (PAUSE) No, not 'Can we meet-up sometime?'; 'I'm coming to get you!'. Menacing. (BEAT) It's Bond, not Blond. (PAUSE) Yes, okay. Yes, thank you.
END
5. BOND STANDS AT THE FOOT OF THE STAIRS LEADING UP TO BADDIE'S 'THRONE'
BADDIE:
And you! Henchman! Come here now!
HENCHMAN WALKS UP TO BADDIE
BADDIE:
Can you order me a pizza please? Extra cheese and anchovies.
HENCHMAN:
Certainly, sir!
BADDIE:
Thanks, Charlie. Could you bring me some kitchen towel too. I've split my Ribena.
HENCHMAN:
No problemo.
HENCHMAN WALKS DOWN STAIRS AND OFF SCREEN.
BOND COUGHS AN 'AHEM'.
BADDIE:
Oh, are you still here. I didn't notice you standing there...
END
6. BOND WANDERS INTO MONEYPENNY'S OFFICE.
HE THROWS HIS HAT AT THE HATSTAND. IT HITS A PAINTING ON THE WALL. THE PAINTING CRASHES TO THE GROUND.
BOND:
Is M available, Moneypenny?
MONEYPENNY:
You'll have to make an appointment.
BOND:
But I'm Double-O Seven. Licence to Kill.
BOND MAKES FINGER GUNS, AIMED AT HER. HE BLOWS THE 'SMOKE' OFF THE BARREL. MONEYPENNY JUST STARES AT HIM.
MONEYPENNY:
Do you have a licence to walk in on people without an appointment?
BOND:
Well... er... no. No, I don't.
MONEYPENNY:
(GRITTED TEETH) Then, you will have to make an appointment, won't you?
BOND:
Erm... o... kay then.
MONEYPENNY:
She's free two weeks on Thursday. 4:30pm.
BOND:
... that'll do then, I suppose...
BOND SKULKS OFF. HE TRIES TO SLAM THE DOOR BEHIND HIM. IT BOUNCES OPEN AGAIN AND CREAKS VERY SLOWLY WIDE OPEN.
7. BOND ENTERS M'S OFFICE
CAPTION: TWO WEEKS ON THURSDAY 4:20PM.
M:
Now, which one are you?
BOND:
Double-O Seven, Ma'am.
M:
That's right. Sorry, you just have one of those forgettable faces.
BOND SIGHS
M:
Not like that Double-O Four. He's so dreamy.
BOND LOOKS DEPRESSED. M CLICKS HER PEN AND SMILES
M:
So, John. What can I do you for?
END
