Notes before reading and if you read it thanks a lot 
There are a few American culture references but I think most of them are really pretty obvious and are found in the UK as well. Also this is my first time writing something of this nature; so, sorry if this doesn't follow the expected formatting. Oh and there is use of vulgar language; although, I don't think it's that BAD, nothing that isn't heard in real life. Secondly, verbal speech to help represent the dialect of the actual individual that character portrays. Hope it isn't too hard to read for you.
Oh and these conversations are near recordings of the actual conversation that occurred; although presented in a "Dheepan bias".
Work in Progress: Lifeumentary
< On a crisp fall afternoon, Dheepan walks his dog, talking on the phone >
HAN: You get the picture I sent?
DHEEPAN: Yeah, it’s a picture of her... backpack.
HAN: Shes so attractive f**k.
DHEEPAN: Why not say hott?
HAN: I feel retarded when I say... hott
DHEEPAN: You sound retarded when you say cauuuuun’t
HAN: Shut up~!
DHEEPAN: What’s with this occult fascination with the British way of saying shit like that. Stop being a fag and just say can’t like everyone one else.
HAN: Nooooooo
DHEEPAN: Yeahhh. Your going to talk to her right, it’s been like a month. You have a CIA f**king formatted information word doc on her?
HAN: Are you on camera?
DHEEPAN: Noo...
>Turns to camera and gives sheepish smile to camera<
DHEEPAN: I’ll show you later...
HAN: I can’t believe your doing this, don’t they follow you around everywhere? That camera chick is kinda hott though.
DHEEPAN: (gives nervous smile, then abruptly changes topic) Did I tell you found out where Atlantis is?
HAN: What is that stain on your dresser anyways? It looks like...
DHEEPAN: Yeah I know that’s what Christy said. I looked it up on wikipedia and it said that Atlantis sank off the course of North Africa....
HAN: (cutting him off in a loud voice) FUCK I DIED. F**k faggot mother f**kers, f**king br’s.
DHEEPAN: (laughs)
HAN: I hit one of them and then like 20 of them came and gang raped me. F**k.
DHEEPAN: So how goes life?
>To Camera<
Life is my word for Han’s video game persona existence.
HAN: We’re sieging Saturday, we’re going against the Vietnamese alliance.
DHEEPAN: Oh...(losing interest)
>Sit down Reality show interview<
Han’s life discussion is the last bastion before the death of the dog-walk-talk. Han basically spends all his free time infront of a computer screen. He recently was voted “alliance leader”. It’s pretty gay. He’s a level 67 dark elf. The fastest class in the game. Oh and he’s a chick too, he likes his online game avatars hot and horny. His in-game name is Av7x for Avenged Sevenfold the band...you can tell this happens a lot.
HAN:
>in his own interview<
Yup. (He nods his head back and forth nonchalantly with a tight lipped smile, seemingly acknowledging his status as a uber geek in society)
Oh wait, I’m not a female dark elf, that faggot. Only fags pick girls
DHEEPAN: >interview<
(he has the Atlantis stain printed out along with the wikipedia citation, camera pans in)
Believe me now?
<BREAK>
<Mid afternoon, the golden hues of the sun are visible through the window blinds>
DHEEPAN: So here’s the Hannah File, aptly named the H-DOC. Basically has everything, eye color, estimated height/weight, known siblings, shoe size, favorite food/author/ice scream, and my personal favorite genetic make-up.
<Han’s room, camera is in nigh vision mode, and is illuminated by the computer screen. The camera clock reads 2:04 AM on a Thursday.
HAN: He told you about that, (under his breath) bastard. I’m very observant, and google, myspace, and ancestry.com helped. I KNOW IT SEEMS STALKER-ISH. Did Dheepan tell you about Erica (With a seemingly mischievous smile). F**k he didn’t want me to tell you about that. Tell him you got it from Christy.
<Dheepan’s bathroom, he is ornately tussling his hair while looking at himself in the mirror>
She’s the girl I’m attracted to, I don’t want to say like. I can’t talk to her, she’s practically retarded.
HAN: >Interview<
Dheepan (sighing) likes this girl but he thinks he’s um..., so great that he can’t be with her or something.
DHEEPAN: >interview<
I just don’t think I should pursue a relationship with no possibilities (he has a distance look on his face and his eyebrows are knit)
<Dheepan and Erica at the bus stop>
DHEEPAN: Hey Erica, how was your weekend?
ERICA: Cool! (with a wide bright and naively happy attitude)
DHEEPAN: (her look and bubbly response, create an ostensible look from Dheepan.
ERICA: You watch Laguna Beach last night?
DHEEPAN: >interview<
He makes several grotesque faces that transition into each other.
HAN: >interview<
Yeah he told me he wanted to kill himself then (his puzzled expression is correctly assessed as a lack of knowledge about Laguna Beach by the director).
DIRECTOR: (coughing at first, then sniffling, and in a voice that seems nearly out of breath) It’s a show about the lives of white teenagers in Laguna Beach, a town where the fictional OC takes place. It’s a reality show on MTV.
HAN: Oh...I wasn’t born in this country.
DHEEPAN: >interview<
(His hand is rubbing his eyes, looking disappointed) Did he really say that?
<Han on the Bus ear-buds in place, the slight echo of metal music is heard in the background>
HAN: Well it’s true I was born in Seoul. I moved here when I was 12. My mom heard about better education (his voice is noticeably louder, a significant difference from his usual placid tone). *this draws the attention of the girl sitting across from him who has been glaring him since the question has been asked, the camera zooms in and focuses on her*
<The camera follows Han from behind, he is slightly stooped and “Just Stop” is vibrating in his ears>
<Dheepan walks into the library>
(add details later)
DHEEPAN: Paul... what the hell are you wearing?
PAUL: Spats.
DHEEPAN: Your wearing... giant white socks over your dress shoes?
PAUL: I need to dance like Fred Astaire.
DHEEPAN: Who’s Fred Astaire?
PAUL: (mouth agape) He’s one of the best dancers of all time! He was in a ton of 60’s movies.
DHEEPAN: So, is he as fruity as the spats?
PAUL: He was kind of creepy, but he could dance like no other.
DHEEPAN: Dance like no other? That’s a pretty racy thing to say with an outfit like that, nice watermelon shirt by the way.
PAUL: (eyebrows knitted) I know, I'm only wearing it in a fruitless attempt to spite the NHS.
(Add Paul’s interview with the director describing NHS)
DHEEPAN: (looking at a web image of Astaire dancing) He reminds me of Hermann Goering’s gay lover.
PAUL: How can you criticize a man who wears attire that was unfashionable four decades before his birth? He was so out he was in.
DHEEPAN: Did you hear about the Jewish midgets in Auschwitz?
PAUL: Dheepan, that is very politically incorrect. They refer to themselves as ‘little people’, slight of build if you will.
DHEEPAN: Well in Aushwitz they had a family of ‘little people’ and they preformed scenes from Snow White and so the director of the camp didn’t kill them. He probably had a midget fetish. Who wouldn’t want a piece of that action?
PAUL: (blank expression, unsure whether to laugh)
DHEEPAN: I don’t get why someone would have a thing for midgets. All I can think of is that they like to skewer things, someone should run a study paralleling on kabob eating and midget porn consumption.
PAUL: Well... you know what they say variety is the spice of life.
DHEEPAN: Maybe it’s a legal substitution for kiddie porn?
< Ilya Pyntikov enters the scene>
ILYA: Hey guys.
DHEEPAN: (interview) Ilya is a Russian from Cyprus. He is known to wrestle polar bears with his bare hands. In fact, they made him the official bear keep of the national Cyprus zoo. Him and Trotsky the bear were great friends, they bought matching sunglasses.
ILYA: (interview) Oh yeaaah. I’m Russian, but I’m actually, Asian. Even though I don’t have this you know chink eyes you know. I was born Burnyo in Siberian right next to Kazak in Siberia. Have you ever seen Kazaks? They aren’t like Borat, they have hats. Like little Jew hats, except green and they have these long robes and muuusatches. And they have the (stretches eyelids) eyes. But even they are better than the haholes.
DIRECTOR: Haholes?
ILYA: Oooh yeah, of course they are the Ukrainians. They are all big you know and they eat sala all the time. That is pigs fat if you do not know. They are also, you know, quite stupid. We Russians make fun of the Haholes all time. That the biggest insult you can say to a Ukrainian if you say; Hahole they will get very angry and chase after you.
DIRECTOR: Has a Ukrainian ever chased after you?
ILYA: Oh yeah! Quite often. This time when I was young, you see there was an apple tree. And I was quite hungry that day, and there was a fence. A barbed wire fence, I climbed it you know (laughing and making climbing motions) and I got to the other side. And I was climbing the tree, and there was green apples, not even red apples. Sour you know? But I was hungry so I picked only one apple, and then this hahole which I had not noticed you knowww got up off his porch. And he was naked AND he had a shot gun. I was quite frightened.
DIRECTOR: He chased after you with a shotgun?
ILYA: Ooh yeah, he was naked. And if you know old men? (he makes a boing boing noise imitating long hanging genitals) Yes, well nevermind I think you know. He shot at me with shot-gun.
DIRECTOR: He shot...you with a shotgun...
ILYA: Yes, you see (making boring as if grinding a hole into a tube, with hand) he filled his pellets with salt. And oooooh man it hurt for like a week.
DHEEPAN: What’s up with your hair? It looks retarded. You need to cover up that receding hairline there Ilya.
(Ilya came in with wet slicked back hair that revealed an enormous forehead)
ILYA: YOU know, YOU KNOW why do you always have that...
DHEEPAN: Yes...?
ILYA: ...F**k you! (storms off)
PAUL: What (chuckles)?
PAUL: (interview, with hand on chin) Dheepan; ‘semicolon’ asshole, practically the same thing.
DIRECTOR: (interview) So, Dheepan are you going to apologize?
DHEEPAN: For what? I didn’t do anything wrong, that was a benefit, you can’t be walking around the world with pre-mature male pattern baldness and slicked back hair. I’m sorry. I’m going to DEFCON-3 damn it.
DIRECTOR: DEFCON-3?
DHEEPAN: Oh yeah, I have levels before I initiate all out total war on someone. See in this case I’m just going to stop talking to him.
DIRECTOR: That... is stupid, immature and goes against being a decent human.
DHEEPAN: Right, but I get my way don’t I? Exactly.
Dheepan and Paul walk to the Physics room
DHEEPAN: (talking to camera) Physics is a bum class. We pretty much do nothing all period, and we have a bunch of dumb ass seniors in the back.
PAUL: Yep, pretty much (he curls his upper lip).
DHEEPAN: Your doing the rat face (he has one eyebrow up and the camera is zooms out)
CAMERAWOMAN: Where’s your teacher?
DHEEPAN: I think he’s in the other room?
PAUL: Yeah the storage room, he spends a lot of time there in the morning.
(the camera walks towards the storage room and opens the door, inside is Mr. Horvath with a headset, evidently playing World of Warcraft)
MR. HORVATH (he is overweight and balding, he’s wearing a bright orange polo with white sneakers and blue jeans for casual Friday’s, all tied together with a skinny corduroy belt) : (Speaking in the epitome of the mid western accent) Ok guys, is everyone on Vent? I’m equipping my +5 night staff, Chuck_Norris you are going to be tanking, and ummm where is Av7x, he is supposed to be the healer for this quest.
RANDOM CLAN MEMBER: (barely audible) with ur mom
(he takes off his headset and looks behind)
MR.HORVATH: Oh HI (voice cracks if but slightly) there!
CAMERAWOMAN: So...what are you doing there?
MR.HORVATH: Nothing, nothing...I was just in a ummm meeting, what are You doing here?
DIRECTOR: (in interview with Horvath) So what were you doing there in that um storage closet?
MR.HORVATH: Um nothing (hehe), Just playing some WoW (haha).
DIRECTOR: How...old are you?
MR. HORVATH: I’m 35, I play recreationally.
DIRECTOR: Recreationally?
MR.HORVATH: Oh yeah, I play once in a while. My friend in Chicago, he asked me to start playing with him. He has a baby though so I only play as often as he gets on. I’m a... level 20 paladin in-game.
DIRECTOR: I don’t know about you, but 35 seems a bit old to be playing games.
MR.HORVATH: See that’s what’s wrong with society these days (hehe), people are too judgmental. I’m an adult I do what I want for fun.
DIRECTOR: Alright...
MR.HORVATH: Oh and (imitating phone with hand) call me.
(A bell rings and class starts)
ROMAN: Your gay!
JACK AIDER: Your gay!
ROMAN: No your gay!
DHEEPAN: (interview) The seniors in our class are douchebags. There are four of them, Jimmy Rae, Roman, Jack Aider, and Julie. Roman is probably the stupidest.
ROMAN: Hey Jewl-sack!
JULIE: Hey Roman!
JIMMY-RAE: (singing) Youuuuuu are the apple of my eye, that’s why you’ll always be arouuuuunnd!
PAUL: (interview) Jimmy-Rae has been trying to woo Julie for the past 4 months, hasn’t been working. He looks like Raymond Barone, which is probably why.
JACK AIDER: (in a sexual manner reminiscent of a gay porno video) AHHHhhhAWhhhAHh
JIMMY-RAY: (Attempts to crack the rest of his fingers) Yeah you like it don’t you!
ROMAN: You guys are so gAy.
JIMMY-RAY: Your mom is gay
DHEEPAN: (interview) Roman is a ****tard. (Darting his eyes back and forth) Can I say that?
(Camera zooms in on Roman’s hairy toes)
PAUL: Roman reminds me of a demented hobbit. His legs are shorter than his torso.
MR.HORVATH: (yelling) DO I NEED TO WRITE UP PEOPLE FOR BREAKING THE LAW!!! IT”S THE MOMENT OF SILENCE. IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE LAW CONTACT YOUR LOCAL STATE REPRESENTIVE!!!
<BEEEP>
(later on during notes about magnetic fields)
ROMAN: Oh that’S so tite Mr. Horvath. We should watch the X-men movie. That’s exactly what Magneto does, he uses magnetic fields and shit to fly man.
MR. HORVATH: We would only watch X-Men if the physics police came out (adding signature laugh at the end) eheheheheheheh.
ROMAN: No Mr. Horvath there are people like that. Like this one guy he had dreams and then the next day it happened.
CLASS: Sure...Roman
ROMAN: No really like, the gover-ment pays this guy and he predicted like 9/11 and everything. I saw it on TV OK.
JACK AIDER: No really, like there are people with that extra sense you know? (points to his head) Wait do humans have five or six senses?
CLASS: (awkward silence, precipitates laughter)
JIMMY-RAE: I dunn wanna wait For Jack Aider’s mom to come over!
Thanks for reading, and please post your thoughts and criticisms.
What would really be helpful is how much longer I need to go before I complete a 30minute episode. I'm not sure if this would help you out, but I intend to use long shots of almost nothing, total mundaneness to enforce the idea of life as periods of vast nothingness.
