Here's some more for this week.
Tories Reveal Green Tax Proposals
David Cameron has unveiled Tory plans to levy a green tax as a means of reducing harmful and unwanted emissions.
Tony Blair said that this was just a cheap point scoring tactic by Cameron to try to show that the Tories are greener than Labour.
A Government spokesman went on to say that Labour were about to reduce harmful and unwanted emissions by more than 50% without financially penalising the already overtaxed public by Blunkett keeping his trousers on, Blair keeping his mouth shut and Prescott by keeping off the pies and taking Imodium twice a day.
Brown Opts For Private Sessions
Gordon Brown has been fiercely criticised for being a regular patient at a private dental clinic despite being an outspoken opponent of private medicine.
He justified his visits by saying that he has always had trouble with his back teeth. Tony Blair will be leaving office shortly so he needed to have wisdom teeth put in very quickly.
It will also give him something to lie through if he becomes PM.
Omega-3 and 6 Brain Booster.
Research conducted into brain development has revealed that regular doses of Omega-3 and 6 help grow ‘grey matter’ in the brain which helps develop intelligence.
The government are to issue these to schools that are currently poor performers in the education department’s league tables and also to John Prescott.
A private haulage company has won the contract to supply. This could create many new jobs and the opportunity for unlimited overtime for employees with the increase in production.
The extra needed to supply the schools will help too.
Heather Mills to Appear in Dance Show
Speculation is rife as to whether Heather Mills' false leg will fall off when she takes part in TV show ‘Dancing with the Stars’.
She was due to dance a routine from Swan Lake but as a precaution, she will be performing a piece from Flamingo Lake.
Heather wanted to dance a Cancan routine from Moulin Rouge style but organisers said they couldn’t support her in this.
Polar Ice Caps Even Worse
The polar ice caps may be melting faster than originally thought a leading oceanographer has revealed.
“ Indications are showing that it’s going to get faster”
Here in the UK, it is estimated that if the current rate of melting continues to increase, then the South East could be underwater by 2130.
Scientists have said that there is no need to worry as we should be able to stop the thawing by 9 o’ clock.
It has also been said that the Isle of Sheppey could be underwater by 2030. Experts on global warming have said that every cloud has a silver lining.