http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5APEh4RjOY
This is my sixth ever gig and the worst I've probably performed but still, learning experience (i also massively overran so whoops). If you could offer any criticisms or advice I would be eternally grateful. Even though I spelt 'favor' wrong in the title. Feck.
Gracias
The sound quality is very bad. All I know for certain is that you come from Bolton. Since I've never been to Bolton I'm out of my depth.
Can't hear a f**king thing.
Sorry, mate.
You have a very pleasant and likeable comedy persona.You don't use the work f**k for no reason which is f**king refreshing on this site.It's just f**k this and f**k that all the f**king time here.As you know yourself and your family,friends and enemies have no doubt said, just slow down and be more deliberate in your lines then everybody will understand every word you're saying.If you've gone to the bother of writing something you believe in then let's hear it.The Welsh (or Irish or Scottish) reference is more than slightly played out.Why not say Albanians or Azeris or something then you won't antagonise or annoy all the Celts in this marvellous United Kingdom of ours.It's lazy writing and has been done to death.It's also Clarksonesque which just isn't hip.You're good and you should keep doing stand-up.All the best.
First of all I can hardly hear anything, so I'd question the advice of anyone who claims to have listened all the way through.
Secondly I'd get your hands on or borrow a better phone or camera. An iphone or better a flip cam will make you look like Saturday night at the Apollo.
Now what I got out of the two minutes of your routine I struggled through,
I'm not an especially good standup (though I write for much better ones).
You've got the lethal tripple; no confidence, no experience and no good jokes. You're tone is monotone, you telegraph your punchlines too far in advance and they're not very good. You look so uncomfortable on stage it's off putting and where as you have a narrative you lack an introduction.
You can be better.
Firstly rewrite the act so all your jokes are jokes or atleast properly constructed stories or observations. Next edited it down till there isn't an ounce of fat in it. And if you're left with half a page, get writing.
Then pracitse till ideally it's memorised and if it isn't memorised you just need to see one word on your hand to know where you're going.
Then mark out pauses, empathizes whatever on your script and memorize those.
Then start pracitsing infront of a mirror until it sounds good. I had to do this for weeks before I could get my eye contact right.
Hope this isnt to harsh, but you just need to raise your game and you'll be there.
I'm hard to please on stand up. Many of the greats like Dave Allen sat, ambled, lolled, etc.
My initial expectation on entering a room is that the person will be about 25, constantly darting backwards and forwards and moving the non-mike arm as required in recommended textbooks.
I particularly gauge conformity according to the number of times he says f**k. If it is more than five, I immediately decide he is a conservative religionist. And probably very middle class.*
That, I guess, is the bad news.
The good news is that it really doesn't bother me much whether the thing is highly polished. It isn't boots in the army and I've little time for sales-based media colonels. Yes, shine helps but it won't get everyone on board. I'm looking more for a natural spontaneity and I tend to measure an environment around the speaker.
Two things then. The moment when that guy walked in unexpectedly. You did look at physical ease in your response. A few seconds can be as revealing as ten minutes. I think it showed some potential. Secondly, they were laughing in that room. Laughing in a good way and a lot. One room is as good as any other.
Make that your energy source! Keep it moving (steadily) - and good luck!
(*He is he or she obviously - you get the gist)
No offence, but this sort of thing is a bit of a bugbear of mine, come back when you've done 100 gigs, show us a well filmed video of your 100th gig and I'll happily give you some feedback.
Critiquing a video of your 6th gig is like a sprint coach giving a toddler advice on how to run the 100 metres, you need to put in the hours and get comfortable on stage, record your gigs and watch them back yourself, see what works and what doesn't, do more of the stuff that works and less of the stuff that doesn't.
Watch other acts of every different standard, see what the best stand ups do, try to emulate them, watch the worst stand ups and don't emulate them.
I always feel that people who put up videos of their early gigs are looking for some sort of shortcut which doesn't exist. Stand up is like everything else, do it often enough and you'll get better at it.
Put in the hard work and you'll be rewarded.
Hi guys - firstly thanks for all your comments. Sorry for taking ages to get back, internet is down at home. Also, apols for the handbag gif up top, was to someone who first-replied and it made me lol a bit, but he appears to have deleted the post so it's gone now so oh well.
Apologies for the sound - I didn't realise it was that bad. I would say it sounds fine to me, but thehn it would, wouldn't it, seeing as I know what's being said.
Thank you Jaicee - most people say I need to slow down 
but yes it's something that needs to be addressed, hopefully with more practice. Interesting point re: the welsh thing. never considered that. will certainly have a think of what I can do.
Sootyj - nothing is too harsh, dude I didn't come on here expecting people to say im good (i know im not!), I want to know how to improve it. As such, anything which can help me at least improve. And your comment helps with that, so thank you!
Horseradish - I actually never noticed my right arm moved so much until another fella pointed it out the other day! but yes, apparently it's quite distracting. And yeah the guy wandering up was a pain (he blocked me from getting to the stage at the start cos he got up and went for a piss; this was his return) but it happens. thanks for you words.
And Tony - no offence taken! In fact it's probably a decent message: like playing four chords and then asking a pro guitarist to critique, I guess. And to be honest, 'do it more often and get better' is as good a mantra as any. So thanks
Thanks all again for your words and comments
Tony if you're talking about posting your first gig on YouTube I'd agree.
But this guy is putting it up on a comedy forumn for advice, which I think is both humble and sensible.
Mr Kint you took a shellacking like a gent. Sorry if a bit harsh.
We can't do much for your rehersals. But why not pop some jokes, observations etc in critique and let us have a look.
There's some good comedy brains here.
don't worry sooty, it wasn't! Seriously, I'm all for a shellacking that gives me feedback, and you all have, so that's more than enough for me
Ok, will do. There a a few half-baked ideas floating around the noggin at the moment so would be cool to share. Either way I'll have a look around.
Thanks again.
Can we have Mr Kint's response laminated and stuck up on a noticeboard with the words "How to accept Critique like a gent" written on it - as a lesson/warning to others?
Top man.
ha, thanks lazzard. It's just manners though isn't it? If, as a complete newbie, you are going to post a video of yourself on a forum full of proper exponents of the art then you have to expect you will get some honest truths if you seek them? Politeness costs nothing! 
Anyway, I don't want to spam this, but another vid has come through now of me doing the same set in a different venue. I know a few of you said the audio was bad on the other one, but it seems decent here. I can't guarantee the quality of the set, however If you'd like to have a watch then you would be most welcome, as you are to your views (which would be much appreciated)
I just about managed to hear most of the routine and thought you did really well.
I realise you only have a short period of time to impress but perhaps your delivery could be a little slower(as could your movement on stage)and if possible stick to one subject. For a first effort well done and I hope to see more of your performances as you gain more experience.
I was disappointed that I couldn't make out everything that you were saying because the sections that I did get a handle on were very good.
I like your style. So many comedians irritate me, but I felt comfortable watching you.
Well done.