hi peoples this is what I have so far script wise but not sure how to structure it properly :

good evening every one hows you?

why thank you sir yes this is a nice dress its from my summers wardrobe, summer paid for summer not!

I had a job interview today was weirdest interview ever

Interviewer: There are 500 bricks on a plane.
You drop one outside. How many are left?
me: That's easy, 499

Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
me: Open the fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge.

Interviewer: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
me: Open the fridge.
Take the elephant out.
Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.

Interviewer: It's lion's birthday,
all the animals are there except one, why?
me: Because the deer is in the fridge.

Interviewer: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
me: She just crosses it
because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.

Interviewer: Last question.
In the end the old lady still died, Why?

me: Err....I guess she drowned?
Interviewer: No! She was hit by the brick. You may leave now.

as you can guess I didn't get the job!

since I didn't get the job I thought id do a bit of the old DIY so I went shopping and The fire alarm went off while I was shopping in B&Q .Nobody thought it was real, so I ran around with a hammer shouting "Everybody out, this is not a drill

no im a typical woman I love shopping and If your like me you hate queing in shops and banks you know what I mean standing waiting and waiting but what really gets me are the sales people when you eventually get to the front of the que

"hello can I help you!!" with their annoying happy smiley faces
no you can't help me really I just stood in this line for the sake of it so I could say hi to you!" drives me mad it really does!!

now everyones got dodgy neighbours whos with me? you either never hear them or you hear them doing things youd rather not! any way we have new neighbours and one of the conversation we heard thought the walls went a little bit like this

Son:"Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!"

Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter"

Father: "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.
I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.
Sandra is actually your sister.
"The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later ...
...
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again n she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that.Angela is also your sister."
This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,
he went straight to his mother crying.

Son:"Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says: "My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him He isn't your father."

neighbours who needs them!!

Ive been Ashleigh you've been a wonderful crowd and thanks for listening

any feed back would be appreciated as this is my first attempt

Hi Ashleigh

Stand up is all about comic timing and delivery. It's a performance art, so quite difficult to judge from the script alone. Have you tried these out on your family and friends?

You never know if something is funny until you try it. Next week, I'm going to a gig in a pub to watch a pretty famous comedy writer try out some stuff for his next sketch show. The reason for the trial run is to see if it's funny or not. Even an experienced professional doesn't really know until he gets it in front of a live audience.

So my advice would be to practice on your friends and family. Don't tell them you are doing it - they will feel pressure to laugh. Just tell them the stories and see if they do. If they laugh, great, if not, consign it to the dustbin and write something better.

Good luck