Quote: clifford allen @ August 19 2012, 1:53 AM BST

nicky your right its all over the place ,i think theres some ideas there but there all in my mind and ive not put them across like a writer because im not a writer,ive enjoyed your feed back so thanks for that

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Nicky
you're
it's
place,
I
there's but is should be "there are"
their
I've
I'm
writer. I've
that.

11 or more errors in 43 words.
Is this a record?

You should give up contracting things like "there is", "it is", "I have" and "I am" etc. until you have learned the proper abbreviated versions.

Just give up the abbreviations and your writing will be 10 times better.

Quote: billwill @ August 19 2012, 12:03 AM BST

Sigh, unless you get your grammar & spelling sorted out, no producer is ever going to read past the first paragraph of your script.

I suspect that you have not done enough book reading in your life. Reading proper books that have been subjected to proper proofreading, usually have correct grammar and spelling and by reading you absorb that into your own brain.

Start by reading at least 3 books a week. It doesn't matter too much what they are, Detective stories, Classic fiction, books on script-writing etc, whatever, as long as they are not picture comics, borrow them from the library, nearest you.

In addition track down some film or sitcom scripts, on the Internet or in Oxfam bookshops etc and read at least one of those per week. Published scripts will not only show you what is good, but will also show you what the format of a script should be.

For example you must clear up your understanding and spelling of "there", "their" and "they're" for a start. At present you are just writing down the sound of the word.

Unless you are prepared to put in some real effort on this, you might as well forget it.

By the way, try to NEVER present material that "needs tidying up". If you can't be bothered to present your best efforts, why should anyone be bothered to help you.

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bill there have been a lot well known writer with let say grammar and reading problems they get over them by using proofreader and writing partners some even dictate there work I think ricky gervais does,but I think the creative process can rise above these problems im not saying that applys to me just making a point

Don't knock my grammar, she's a lovely woman. Innit.

I love your nan Marc.

She perfect for mopping up my spilled sauce.

I am sorry I have no come back, I am reeling from being called a twat on the internet. Mind you David Bussell was included too.

So Marc whats the first phrase in that new phrase book you wrote?

Quote: Marc P @ August 19 2012, 7:35 AM BST

I am sorry I have no come on my back, I am reeling from being called a twat on the internet.

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Perhaps best not to have had a drink first eh?

And back on topic, Clifford I would recommend you do as you say and get a proof reader or partner to work with. There's an old cliche about not getting a second chance to make a first impression which I never, ever, use, but you don't - especially in the written form. Well done for posting and welcome and good luck with the next draft.

Quote: Marc P @ August 19 2012, 7:35 AM BST

I am reeling from being called a twat on the internet.

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Surely not for the first time?

;o)

Well, I am going to say something positive about your script.

I liked the caller who couldn't get the 'eyes' clues. Especially the higher, lower game when surely the caller must say 'eyes' and said ears instead. That was funny!

But like everyone else who has tried to read it, I struggled to make sense of your grammar and spelling. It's only because you were being slated that I made the effort to plough through.

Everyones comments on your piece are justified. Take note and try improve.

Quote: clifford allen @ August 19 2012, 1:20 AM BST

you don't understand it,you should open your mind

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Maybe you should open your dictionary. Look, we're not being deliberately argumentative here, nobody minds the odd typo or spelling mistake, but your script is *really* hard to understand, because the layout, spelling and grammar are so random. No professional is ever going to get past page one of a script that loks like that, which means you're wasting your time. I would seriously suggest you take your own advice and use a spellchecker or a literate friend next time - for your own sake, not to please us.

As it is, just so you don't feel hard done by, I waded through it. Didn't find it funny for the most part, sadly and some of the jokes were pretty hackneyed (I'm afraid the "complete girlfriend experience" riff has been done a fair few times). There are odd moments, though - as noted above, the phone-in quiz has some possibilities. The following sprang to mind when I read it:

-What's in the middle of a dartboard?
-The bull.
-The bull what?
-Oh, sorry: the bull, please.

I know that's a rubbish joke, but it tickled me. Perhaps you shouldn't take my opinions very seriously, I clearly have a malfunctioning sense of humour.

Quote: billwill @ August 19 2012, 2:28 AM BST

their

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Ahem, "they're".

Quote: billwill @ August 19 2012, 2:28 AM BST

N
You should give up contracting things like "there is", "it is", "I have" and "I am" etc. until you have learned the proper abbreviated versions.

Just give up the abbreviations and your writing will be 10 times better.

View original

Agreed; even if you know the correct usage it is very easy to unconsciously use the homophone; I, being an oik, have a bad habit of writing "could of" instead of "could've", which probably isn't a real word anyway.

Quote: clifford allen @ August 19 2012, 3:03 AM BST

bill there have been a lot well known writer with let say grammar and reading problems they get over them by using proofreader and writing partners some even dictate there work I think ricky gervais does,but I think the creative process can rise above these problems im not saying that applys to me just making a point

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If you are not prepared to put in the effort, forget it.

You are like a man trying to build a boat, but not willing to learn basic carpentry.

Is there any mitigating reason why your spelling & grammar are so bad other than having been, say, bone idle at school? You have a very English name on here, but perhaps English is not the main language spoken in your home.

If the latter you can overcome it by hard work, if the former you are now finding to your cost that you will have to learn on your own all thing things you missed out doing at school.

I doubt that anyone would want to partner you as you are at present and do you have enough finances to pay a Ghost Writer for you? No one is going to rescue you unless you are prepared to put in the effort, they might as well do the writing without you.

And from your first post above any creative capability that you might have is not showing up through the errors.

As I said above, go read, read, read; especially books on Script Writing, don't waste your time babbling on here, go away and come back when you have read another 100 books.