Hi All

This was an idea I had 5 years ago that I found.

A WEEK IN THE LIFE OF A....

PINOCCHIO!

MARIONETTE PUPPETS ARE SEEN DANCING.

V.O. PRESENTERV.O.) We all know the tale of the puppet who wanted to be a real boy, but what happened to that boy when he became a real man? Well today we shall find out, because this his story. This is the story of Pinocchio.

THEME MUSIC STARTS.

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Scene 1. INT. 46 BARKHAM CRESCENT - MORNING

PINOCCHIO IS SAT IN AN ARMCHAIR. HE IS IN HIS MID FORTIES, OVERWEIGHT, AND IN NEED OF A SHAVE. HE IS ALSO COVERED IN FAKE TAN AND HAS AN ORANGE GLOW ABOUT HIM. HE IS WEARING A PAIR OF RED DUNGAREE SHORTS THAT ARE FAR TOO SMALL, A PAIR OF CALF LENGTH BOOTS AND A SMALL POINTED HAT. HE IS SMOKING A CIGARETTE.

PINOCCHIOo I said to Michael, that f**king monkey's a fire hazard. The next thing you know the Lamar's enclosure is going up in smoke and Bubbles is pelting Macaulay Culkin with shit! Happy days.

PINOCCHIO STARES OFF WISTFULLY INTO THE DISTANCE.

PRESENTERO.O.V) Did you see much of him?

PINOCCHIO:What? Who?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Michael Jackson.

PINOCCHIO:Not after all that, you know, palaver. Besides I got too old.

PRESENTERO.O.V) How old are you?

PINOCCHIO:Well I was a puppet for thirty three years, and I've been a real boy for 21.

PRESENTERO.O.V) (LAUGHS) You're only twentyone?

PINOCCHIO:And? What's your point?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Nothing, it's just, you seem old beyond your years.

PINOCCHIO:F**king haggard you mean?

PRESENTERO.O.V) I wouldn't say that, no.

PINOCCHIO:Let me tell you something. I've lived. I've done things you could only dream of. This body was made, not by God, but by a man. A sick and twisted man, who's only regret, was that once Social Services found out about me he had to stop rubbing me down with beeswax. Shame really as it's great for the complexion.

PINOCCHIO TAKES A BIG DRAG ON HIS CIGARETTE

PRESENTERO.O.V) They're aren't very good for you you know.

PINOCCHIO LOOKS AT THE PRESENTER OFF CAMERA AND THEN AT THE GLOWING EMBER OF HIS CIGARETTE

PINOCCHIO:It's strange, but when you've been made of wood fire holds a strange fascination for you.

PRESENTERO.O.V) Like a moth.

PINOCCHIO:Moth?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Attracted to the glow.

PINOCCHIO:You ever looked at a train track and wondered what would happen if you just stepped off?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Sometimes.

PINOCCHIO:Well it's like that. When your made of wood fire is your greatest enemy. That and woodlice. Little bastards just nibble away at you. Especially when they get lodged in your dungarees.

You have a great idea here Wayne with some nice lines, like the beeswax one. It just seems to peter out at the end though.

I agree. I think it needs a stronger ending.

Ditto Will Cam and Earman.

Given that he's some kind of wreck, could you introduce heavy drinking somewhere? Eg drinking creosote, perhaps.

Otherwise, it's very good. "F**king haggard you mean?" is a great line.

Thanks all. Should have said that the idea was that the idea was to follow him around for a day. That was just some of the opening seen. I've added to it here. Obviously it still would need trimming down etc.

Scene 1. INT. 46 BARKHAM CRESCENT - MORNING

PINOCCHIO IS SAT IN AN ARMCHAIR. HE IS IN HIS MID FORTIES, OVERWEIGHT, AND IN NEED OF A SHAVE. HE IS ALSO COVERED IN FAKE TAN AND HAS AN ORANGE GLOW ABOUT HIM. HE IS WEARING A PAIR OF RED DUNGAREE SHORTS THAT ARE FAR TOO SMALL, A PAIR OF CALF LENGTH BOOTS AND A SMALL POINTED HAT. HE IS SMOKING A CIGARETTE.

PINOCCHIOo I said to Michael, that f**king monkey's a fire hazard. The next thing you know the Lamar's enclosure is going up in smoke and Bubbles is pelting Macaulay Culkin with shit! Happy days.

PINOCCHIO STARES OFF WISTFULLY INTO THE DISTANCE.

PRESENTERO.O.V) Did you see much of him?

PINOCCHIO:What? Who?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Michael Jackson.

PINOCCHIO:Not after all that, you know, palaver. Besides I got too old.

PRESENTERO.O.V) How old are you?

PINOCCHIO:Well I was a puppet for thirty three years, and I've been a real boy for 21.

PRESENTERO.O.V) (LAUGHS) You're only twentyone?

PINOCCHIO:And? What's your point?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Nothing, it's just, you seem old beyond your years.

PINOCCHIO:F**king haggard you mean?

PRESENTERO.O.V) I wouldn't say that, no.

THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN FOR A CLOSE UP OF HIS FACE

PINOCCHIO:Let me tell you something. I've lived. I've done things you could only dream of. This body was made, not by God, but by a man. A sick and twisted man, who's only regret, was that once Social Services found out about me he had to stop rubbing me down with beeswax. Shame really as it's great for the complexion.

PINOCCHIO TAKES A BIG DRAG ON HIS CIGARETTE

PRESENTERO.O.V) They're aren't very good for you you know.

PINOCCHIO LOOKS AT THE PRESENTER OFF CAMERA AND THEN AT THE GLOWING EMBER OF HIS CIGARETTE

PINOCCHIO:It's strange, but when you've been made of wood fire holds a strange fascination for you.

PRESENTERO.O.V) Like a moth.

PINOCCHIO:Moth?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Attracted to the glow.

PINOCCHIO:You ever looked at a train track and wondered what would happen if you just stepped off?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Sometimes.

PINOCCHIO:Well it's like that. When you're made of wood fire is your worst enemy and greatest love. You just want to feel it's warm embrace. That and woodlice. Little f**kers just nibble away at you. Used to get lodged in my dungarees.

PRESENTERO.O.V) You ever get the urge to hug a woodlouse?

PINOCCHIOo I look like a weirdo to you?

THE CAMERAS ZOOMS OUT TO SHOW A FULL LENGTH VIEW OF HIM IN FULL "PINOCCHIO" DRESS

PRESENTERO.O.V) No. Just thought they might have the same effect as fire that's all. Its warm embrace and all that.

PINOCCHIOh the papers would love that! Can see it now! Ex Boy of Wood In Bestiality Charge. Brilliant.

PRESENTERO.O.V) Don't think they would count as animals as they're insects.

PINOCCHIO:Alright David Attenborough. We not all as savvy as you about which creatures it's ok to molest.

PRESENTERO.O.V) (FLUSTERED) I was just saying... I don't know which...

PINOCCHIO:You best stay away from my fish pond. There's Koi Carp in there that might set your ankle tag off.

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