Hiiiii!!!!

My name is Trizzle (it's not really but we'll gloss over that)
I'm looking to become a standup cos I love comedy so much. My style is influenced by Frankie Boyle, Jimmy Carr, Emo Philips, Steven Wright, Rodney Dangerfield etc.

e.g. "Last night I had an awful Chinese. I resurrected Chairman Mao and he killed all my family!!!"

Plenty more where that came from.

I ain't done any stand-up before but performed in bands loads of times so getting up infront of people is pretty f**king easy. Now all that matters is me being funny.

The motto I live by that I'm sure will definitely get me through:
"If the best things in life were free...
...I'd have released those teenage girls chained up in my basement years ago."

xXx

Quote: Trizzle Dizzle @ March 24 2012, 2:27 PM GMT

e.g. "Last night I had an awful Chinese. I resurrected Chairman Mao and he killed all my family!!!"

View original

Mm, not so much.

Quote: Trizzle Dizzle @ March 24 2012, 2:27 PM GMT

The motto I live by that I'm sure will definitely get me through:
"If the best things in life were free...
...I'd have released those teenage girls chained up in my basement years ago."

View original

That's more like it!

Welcome aboard.

Cheers man
That is one of my finest moments even if I do say so myself. xXx

Hello

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/24144#P863670

Taking full advantage of post on this site. xXx

There's no post on a Sunday normally, gives the dogs a rest.

Quote: Trizzle Dizzle @ March 24 2012, 2:27 PM GMT

Hiiiii!!!!

My name is Trizzle (it's not really but we'll gloss over that)
I'm looking to become a standup cos I love comedy so much. My style is influenced by Frankie Boyle, Jimmy Carr, Emo Philips, Steven Wright, Rodney Dangerfield etc.

e.g. "Last night I had an awful Chinese. I resurrected Chairman Mao and he killed all my family!!!"

Plenty more where that came from.

I ain't done any stand-up before but performed in bands loads of times so getting up infront of people is pretty f**king easy. Now all that matters is me being funny.

The motto I live by that I'm sure will definitely get me through:
"If the best things in life were free...
...I'd have released those teenage girls chained up in my basement years ago."

xXx

View original

Second one is great.

First one is a reedit away from greatness.

Maybe.

"I had an awful Chinese yesterday, I beat up Chairman Mao's zombie."

(not much better I admit).

I like the 2nd one a lot too, but the problem with the first one for me is that nobody says "A Chinese" when they mean a Chinese person, so the gag feels clunky.

How about something like, "I had a terrible Indian for dinner last night. Big Chief Raping Arse; won't be inviting him for tea again any time soon".

Quote: gappy @ March 26 2012, 12:40 PM BST

I like the 2nd one a lot too, but the problem with the first one for me is that nobody says "A Chinese" when they mean a Chinese person, so the gag feels clunky.

View original

I totally agree about the clunkiness by saying "a Chinese" but it is completely grammatically correct in the English language in the same way you can say "a Japanese" or "a Vietnamese" etc.

I personally have heard people say it several times so I'm hoping that because it is correct yet uncommon the play on words will hide the contradiciton from where the comedy then arrives.

Plus these kinda jokes are always infinitely better when told/performed so again I hoping this will help me out a little.

Cheers for the responses anyway guys.
Most appreciative.
xXx

Actually they are grammatically incorrect too. You would say a Japanese man or woman etc. You could make it politically incorrect and grammatically correct as slang to use the word - Chinky.

As for the second gag, I would lose the teenage aspect as there is a defined number of years teenage applies to, obviously. Maybe young would be better?

To be honest, Milton Jones has a variation on that first joke which tops anything.

"Last night I went for an Italian, well he was annoying me".

Firstly I'll happily agree that Milton Jonese joke is immensely better than mine and secondly you can say "a Chinese" (I've heard Stephen Fry say it on QI and everything) or even "a Japanese" which I hear quite literally every week at some point multiple times since I'm studying all things about Japan and the Japanese language. Thing is it may be a tad antiquated and was more common amongst previous generations like "Chinaman" but hopefully less racist sounding. Or at the very least in an official way. xXx

Quote: Trizzle Dizzle @ March 24 2012, 2:27 PM GMT

The motto I live by that I'm sure will definitely get me through:
"If the best things in life were free...
...I'd have released those teenage girls chained up in my basement years ago."

View original

I love this! I read that link you posted with several one liners. You should try and make some skits out of them or something. That's what I do and it works out, usually.