You certainly are in a strange mood this week, Librans.
True, things have been running unusually smoothly for you the past few days, but be careful not to fool yourself. Pride comes before a fall, as they say. With Jupiter’s moon’s entering Saturn , a Schizophrenic breakdown is a distinct possibilty. However, relax. Recent developments in neuroleptic medications have now reduced the demonic voices to a near whisper and as long as you prepare for the occasional debilitating tactile hallucination you should be able to live an independent life away from the institutions that your cousin grew up in.

For all you drug addicted Librans beware! The extremely dry summer in Afghanistan has adversely affected poppy production and this will greatly increase the price of street heroin sometime next week. If you have the funds stock up now while you can.

I liked the beginning but it began to untwine from a clever dry humour piece into something else. The "characters voice" had completely changed by the start of the For all you drug addicted Librans beware! line it felt disjointed.

I think as a draft its good but trying to keep the great dry humour consistency through out would make this piece 100 times better.

I really liked the first part, the second part was just try hard.

A cracking idea though.

I can just imagine Jabba the Hutt faced arse case Russell Grant reading that out, superb.

Do one for each star sign, bingo!

Thanks you two, I have edited it, cutting the last section in half. I know what you mean, if comedy is forced it doesn't work.

You can read a few more of my spoof horoscopes at website below.