With my hit rate at 20% I'm keen for you to tell me which sketch you think you'd enjoy reading. The one that's liked - I will publish to the forum;0)

1)Pat Butcher Triplets play Macbeth's Weird Sisters - abridged version (Eastenders Pat)

2)How to prepare your family for the royal wedding - Dummies Guide

3)How I lost my Job as a Cancer (The disease)

4)Frankie Boyle's guide to counselling... the bereaved, overweight, victims of knife crime, workplace bullying (The comic that asked 'How do you get a Glasgow girl pregnant? Giz in the gutter and let the flies do the work' - currently one of the most successful comics in the UK)

5)"Why ladies don't run the world" the autobiography of Gok Wan (Gok Wan is a man... actually - if you don't understand the sketch title - just forget it)

6)Tolkein's: The Widdecombe

Ok well I would personally say post ALL of them, and see which one(s) people like. I think you're trying too hard to please people, and I wouldn't do that. Put the sketches out, see how they do.
For me, personally, I've edited in my comments, as I see it.
Best of luck!
TH

Quote: Vroomboo @ January 16 2011, 6:52 PM GMT

With my hit rate at 20% I'm keen for you to tell me which sketch you think you'd enjoy reading. The one that's liked - I will publish to the forum;0)

View original

1)Pat Butcher Triplets play Macbeth's Weird Sisters - abridged version

Is this Pat Butcher from Eastenders? If not, then I don't know who that is, so I'd say I wouldn't get this one. If so, I haven't seen EE in years, so again probably wouldn't get it.

2)How to prepare your family for the royal wedding - Dummies Guide

Hmm. As an Irish person, zero (or less) interest in the royal wedding...

3)How I lost my Job as a Cancer

As a "cancer"? The disease??

4)Frankie Boyle's guide to counselling... the bereaved, overweight, victims of knife crime, workplace bullying

Don't know who Frankie Boyle is, so......

5)"Why ladies don't run the world" the autobiography of Gok Wan

Don't have any time for these fashion/life gurus, so again a no from me

6)Tolkein's: The Widdecombe

I'm a big Tolkien/fantasy fan, so maybe, but you would want to know your source material: you have been warned!

That's me then, for what it's worth. Also helps to illustrate how difficult it is to try to appeal to and please everyone (especially me!)

Tolkein's The Widdecombe

Laylo NumNum a young Widdecoombe, waddled across the meadow to a shaded tree.

With a groan and a creek she flopped herself to the ground then dragged her full bottom across the twigs and leaves, nestling next to a large pile of manure. She plucked a mushroom and scoffed it with gusto.

Picking up a worm, if Laylo Numnum had been one of the Minervan people she would of looked at the animal and wondered with awe at the worms flexibility. Minervan girls would of all laughed and giggled as the worm squirmed and riggled, then wept at the majesty of nature. But for the Widdecoombe, Laylo NumNum all she could see was a worm.

Bourbon Bonbon, Laylo's best friends calls Laylo to come quickly. That Laylo's dwelling has flooded and she must come quick.

Laylo throws the worm at the tree trunk and grapples her way onto her feet, dragging, slurping, tripping and burping, losing a show and doing a poo - Laylo eventually gets back to the shire.

Laylo "No - everything I posses is in my home, why only me suffers the floods? Over and over I suffer"

Bourbon " You built below the tide line... I told you...

Laylo "NO NO, It's more than that. I'm cursed... I'm going on a journey, I will speak to our great, the great

Bourbon"NO, you can't! It's too dangerous...

Laylo "You can't stop me Bourbon, I'm off to see.... Dumbledore!

Bourbon "But he's been captured! By the Sith!

Laylo " I will go with bravery and my true heart and my armour of bulk

Bourbon "You will be forced to take the blue pill..

TROLLHEART - DO YOU HATE ME >_<

BTW this is not the whole sketch - but I reached the point where anymore and you may announce Jihad on little me!

Of course I don't hate you BUT I also don't get this. Sorry again but it's way too confusing, for me. Elements of the Hobbit mixed with references to Harry Potter (whom I hate) and the Matrix? Did I leave my brain in for dry cleaning again? What is this about? (Wanders off in search of chocolate fingers to ruminate upon the meaning of this....)

...in the style of Red Dwarf:0) The logic of silly. Upto Dumbledore did the characters amuse/delight you? It's a mild parody of Frodo...

Hi Vroombo,

I share Trollheart's confusion I'm afraid. It's hard to discern what the sketch is really about and what it is I should be laughing at.

More general points -

The odd formatting of the sketch doesn't help. I know we should probably judge it purely on the content but when the format is muddled it immediately wrong foots the reader and they don't know whether to imagine it as a performed piece, prose or whatever.

Also offering to write sketches on demand and providing 6 to choose from suggests that you churning these things out with little thought - that may be a completely wrong assumption and the fact may be that you have all these perfectly crafted sketches lying in your bottom drawer - but it's the impression that I get at least.

From personal experience I know that for every sketch I write that I think has something worth pursuing there are probably 9 or 10 that I'm utterly ashamed of. And often that one sketch that once seemed so promising will, after I've left it to "settle" for a period of time, lose any appeal or humour it once had and will be banished to the bin of shame with its siblings.

If you are just starting out (I don't know if that's the case) then of course it's good to write everything that comes into your head and get all these sketches out of your system but I'm just not sure it's such a good idea to post them ALL in the critique forum - you might find readers of your work getting "critique fatigue" and your future, funnier, more considered efforts might get passed over based on the quality of your deluge of past efforts.

Hope this is of some help.

Bo.

That's a well worded response.

I am new to writing. I'm usually just a performer.

I'm writing what I find funny and in the format I find funny. I found the Widdecoombe very funny and laughed outloud imagining the Hobbit people that resembled Ann!!!

You seem like a very caring person, concerned with your colleagues fatigue. I take your concern onboard however your argument doesn't compel me to stop.

I do appreciate that you let 90% of your creative ideas languish unread. They sound terrible and no doubt would bring sadness and misery and perhaps even fatigue to the jaded comedy critics on this forum:0)

Vroomboo

WARNING Sarcasm is a symptom of Period and should not be responsible for long term hatred of either the attacked or attacker.

(You don't know who Frankie Boyle is, Trollheart?)

Yeah?

Quote: Vroomboo @ January 17 2011, 12:05 PM GMT

WARNING Sarcasm is a symptom of Period and should not be responsible for long term hatred of either the attacked or attacker.

View original

I choose to ignore your warning.

Bo.

Quote: Vroomboo @ January 17 2011, 10:21 AM GMT

...in the style of Red Dwarf:0) The logic of silly. Upto Dumbledore did the characters amuse/delight you? It's a mild parody of Frodo...

View original

Sorry, don't see any similarlities to Grant/Naylor writing in this, and no, apart from the vaguest of links (particularly the "Tolkien's" in the title) I would not liken this to the Hobbit at all. I have to say (sorry) I didn't like the charactes, don't see the Widdicombe angle (Ann Widdicombe?) and in general was just totally confused, frustrated with it and didn't even raise the tiniest smile.

(Comments copyright Trollheart MMXI --- "Crushing the dreams of young writers since 2010")

Quote: zooo @ January 17 2011, 12:15 PM GMT

(You don't know who Frankie Boyle is, Trollheart?)

View original

No, I don't. Should I?

Ok, I agree. Bad judgement and bad execution. Believe me I laughed for many minutes imagining Ann widdecoombes people and the way they bumbled about. I met Ann and she's pretty ummm unique. Haaaaha